FAILURE STORIES EP.08 LES BROWN

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OVERCOMING FEAR OF FAILURE. PART 1

Look at a man the way he is and he only becomes worse, but look at him as if he were what he could be, then he becomes what he should be - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

OVERCOMING FEAR OF FAILURE. PART 1

It’s very important to believe you are the one to do it- Les Brown

He was born in an abandoned building, adopted and labeled as educable mentally retarded early in school. His life is a story of perseverance and hustle to get where he is right now.

 

Label

Shortly after being born on the floor of an abandoned building in poor side of Miami, Les Brown and his twin brother were adopted by Mamie Brown, a kitchen worker and maid. When Les was in 5th grade he was labeled as educable mentally retarded and put back from the 5th grade to 4th grade. Same thing happened again in the 8th grade. Upon graduation, he became a city sanitation worker in Miami Beach. But he had a dream of being a disc jockey. At night, he would take a transistor radio to bed where he listened to the local jive-talking deejays. He created an imaginary radio station in his tiny room with its torn vinyl flooring. A hairbrush served as his microphone as he practiced his patter, introducing records to his imaginary listeners. He was wrapped up in his own world, living a dream.

 

Greatest gift

He didn’t receive any collage training but one particular speech and drama instructor changed his life. His name was Leroy Washington. Mr. Washington gave him a greatest gift anyone can ever give. A different vision of himself. When Les was in his class waiting for a different student, Mr. Washington said “Young man go to board and work this problem out for me”.Oh, Sir I can’t do that” – replied Les.Why not?” - said the teacher.  “I’m not one of your students”.  While looking at him Mr. Washington said: “Go to that board and work the problem out”. With a trembling voice Les mumbled “Sir I can’t do that, because I’m educable mentally retarded. I’m in special education”. The students started laughing and they said: “That’s Lesley. Not Wesley. His DT. Wesley is the smart twin”.  “What is DT stand’s for?” – said Mr. Washington.  Lesly relied with a shame on his face: “I’m the dumb twin, Sir”. As the students laugh at him, Mr. Washington came from behind and looked at him: “Don’t you ever say that again. Someone’s opinion of you does not have to become your reality”. On the one hand Les was humiliated but on the other hand he felt liberated.

 

Worth doing badly

From felling free he looked at his goals and dreams and said to himself How am I going to do that? He went straight from his heart to his mind and he stayed up there for 14 years.  The first time Les stood up to speak publicly his mind set down. He looked at the audience and he panicked. He had to introduce a play but he ran of the stage. Mr. Washington said to him: “If you run now, you will always be running. Anything that’s is worth doing, is worth doing badly until you get it right. Go back out there”. Other students dog him out and he became the laughing-stock of the whole school

 

Breaking the fear

Another event came out Mr. Washington said: Mr Brown you’re up. Les went up and pretty soon when people laughed at him it didn’t even bother him. Later one day he came out and he came to himself. He broke out of that fear and in front of the whole school gave the first of his great speeches.

 

DJ

One day Les boldly went to the local radio station during his lunch break from mowing grass for the city. He got into the station manager’s office and told him he wanted to be a disc jockey. When it turned out that he didn’t have any background in broadcasting, it was the end of the conversation. But young Les was far from being over. His commitment to his goal was remarkable. Les had strong enough reasons, higher purpose than simply wanting to be a disc jockey. He wanted to buy a nicer house for his adoptive mother, whom he loved deeply. This job was just the step on the way.

Patience

And so Les returned to the station every day for a week, asking if there were any job openings. Finally, the station manager gave in and took him as a free intern. Les did whatever was asked of him at the station – and more. While hanging out with the deejays, he studied their movements on the control panel. At night, he practiced and prepared himself for the opportunity that he knew would present itself.

 

Opportunity

One Saturday afternoon it did. Because of his persistence and preparation, Les was ready. He wowed the audience and his general manager. As you pursue your dream, you are becoming stronger and smarter. In one of his speeches he said: There will be times when doors of opportunity open up for you as you walk your path. Stay focused and stay true to your dream, and more doors will open up for you.

 

Mental conditioning

When he watched Dr Norman Vincent Peale speak publicly he thought: I could do that. I would love to talk to people. I can do that. But when he started going back to his car his mental conditioning activated itself and it said: Les Brown you can’t do that. You don’t have a college education. You don’t have the training. You’ve never worked for major corporation. What makes you think you can?

 

Floor

It was hard when Les entered the motivational speaking arena in the mid-1980s, he had virtually nothing but one tape of his motivational speeches. He rented an office in Pen Penobscot Building in Detroit, Michigan and he felt on some hard times. He was sleeping on the floor in his office. In one of his great speeches just three years later he said: “I didn't even want a blanket or a pallet on the floor. I wanted it to be hard and cold so it would motivate me to keep striving. I didn't want to get soft." It was hard for him when had to read a letter from bulling management that he cannot sleep in his office. It was hard for him to go through the lobby and get laughed out.

 

Dream

Pursuing your dream, you will face disappointments, defeats and failures. But that’s okay. That’s given. Dreams are supposed to be hard to reach – that’s why they are called dreams. It’s very important (to know) when you hold on to that dream, there are moments when you’re going to doubt yourself. Rough times are gonna come but they have not come to stay. They have come to pass – Less Brown

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6 SUPERPOWERS

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6 SUPERPOWERS

You are much stronger than you think - Superman

Some of the most successful people are like modern-day superheroes. Just like superheroes they are masters of performance. They operate and execute on the highest level. The only difference is they haven’t been born with those superpowers. They developed and grew them. In contradistinction to what everybody else thinks they were not born with it. It is a result of a long hours, days, months, years of learning and practice. It is postponed effect and outcome of their tenacity and courage.

 

Common denominator

How can we learn to constantly perform on the highest level? What do we have to know before we start to deliberately elevate on our performance? What the highest performers have in common?

 

6

There are 6 powers of high performers, you need to have if you want to reach or exceed your potential:

 

1. Power of clarity.

You need to have unparalleled level of clarity of who you are, who you want to be. You need to know what do you strive to achieve and experience. Learn how to treat and interact with other people to gain best outcomes. Be incredibly focused and clear about who you are, what you are after and what you should do to achieve it. The part of being clear and certain is knowing what your Journey is about, what is your vision, what are you about, what drives and excites you, what are your strengths. It allows you to make better decision and evaluate your situation more precisely. You can intentionally focus on the most important elements and eradicate all distractions. Clarity is necessary to consistently perform on the highest level.

 

2. Power of conviction.

Ninety percent of selling is conviction and 10 percent is persuasion -Shiv Khera.

We are all salesmen and marketers, trying to constantly influence others as well as ourselves. Most successful people are masters of influence.  To leverage anyone, you need to have deep seated conviction. It’s not about dogmatism, it’s about being fully confident in your beliefs, decisions and actions.

When I was a sales associate in a bank and I wasn’t convinced that the product that I was trying to sell is any good, it was exceptionally hard to close the deal or even get to that moment. On hand products that in my opinion were great, were fairly easy to sell. When you speak with emotions, understanding and confidence from the state of conviction people will know in their gut that they can trust you. My former boss was so convinced of about one of business product we had, that she was selling only that. She had it for herself for a few years and when you were listing to her talking about it you felt her emotions, her passion, her vision, her personal experience. She could sell it to anyone who would qualify. Anyone.

 

3. Power of energy.

More power gives you more options, more control over your actions and outcomes. Physical vitality and mental endurance make each day exceptional and remarkable. It’s not luck or a blessing to be full of vitality­. You can generate that energy deliberately by conditioning and controlling your physical and mental state. Pay great attention to what you put in your mouth. Pay attention what your training regimen is, how you behave, what your habits and routines are, what emotions you consume and produce. By focusing on what is most important and what you have control over, you purposely direct that energy to areas of their choosing. Be very cautious when you give away your energy, your time or your attention. Don’t let yourself or others to distract you. If you are multitasking all the time your energy gets dismembered all the time. Focus your energy on the most important things.

 

4. Power of courage.

You need to speak for yourself, your ideas on a daily basis. Learn to take bold actions and risks lightly. Do the things no one has done before. Speak your mind and show what you stand for with respect for others and yourself but do it decisively. Don’t let yourself be parasailed by your failures, doubts and other people’s judgments. It takes a high degree of courage to put your ideas out in the world and to express who you really are. It takes courage to say no to things that are not in line with your Journey and your vision. Learn to say No. Stick to your purpose when the whole world is judging you. Have the courage to stay on the course to your destination. It takes a lot of courage not to give up your Journey.

 

5. Power of influence.

If you expect great outcomes and extraordinary success, it almost always requires contributions from other people. You need to gain their attention and trust. To do it you need to be a master  of influence. High performers are exceptional with other people because they give them time, attention and respect.  If you want to influence anyone, you’ve got to recognize what is already influencing them. It will either be the state they are in or their belief and the rules they live by. To manage other people’s state, learn to manage your state first. To push other people buttons you need to learn and test them on yourself.  If you want to be that linchpin, you need to care deeply about others and make them want to reciprocate. Be the best in cheering others. Make them feel important.

 

 6. Power of productivity.

Produce and release more outcomes. Be more efficient and effective with your time. You can get a lot more done in the same amount of time. Would you like to reach your full potential? Would you like to make more things done?  So how productive have you been in last few weeks? Could you do more? How do you think you could do it? What do you need from yourself to be more productive? What more do you need? Write down your answers and realize where you are in relation to your potential. You could do so much more. The proof is in the pudding. Start NOW!

 

No one is born a with those superpowers. They can only be created by  your habits, your hustle and your grind.

 

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6 SUPERPOWERS

FAILURE STORIES. EP. 01 MR. HONDA

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FAILURE STORIES. EP. 01 MR. HONDA

Many people dream of success. I believe that success can be achieved only through repeated failure and self-analysis. Success is only one percent of your work, and the rest – bold overcoming of obstacles. If you are not afraid of them, success will come to you itself - Soichiro Honda

Mr. Soichiro Honda is a founder of the Honda Motor Co. Honda Corporation, like many other, no matter how large, was built on top of passion, persistence and desire to produce a remarkable result, but this is not a story of success. This is a story of repeated failure.

 

Piston Rings

Mr. Honda took everything he owned and began to develop his concept of a piston ring. Literally living in his workshop, working day and night, sleeping in the machine shop. He was convinced that he can produce the desired result. Honda even pawned his wife's jewels to stay in business. At that time, he was racing in Japanese high-speed rallies and almost died in his last race. Honda crashed into a different car at the finish line. Leaving his left arm fractured, his shoulder dislocated and his face damaged. He spent three months at a hospital. The road to the sport was closed forever for him. While still being in hospital he received an answer from the Toyota Corporation about his newly finished piston rings. Unfortunately, out of 30,000 rings he delivered to Toyota only 3 passed the quality test and he didn’t receive any contract.

 

Going back to school

He was so determined that after this, he was even able to changed his attitude toward education and went back to school for two more years. He didn’t change his goal, he only changed his approach. After going back to school, he heard the mocking laughter of his instructors and other students. Everybody saw his as a total failure. But that’s not how he saw himself.

 

The contract

He didn’t focus on the pain of that failure and decided to continue to focus on his vision. Finally, after two more years, Toyota granted him the contract he had dreamed of. Thanks to his passion and persistence he took the necessary actions and was able adjust his approach very quickly.  His belief and stubbornness was paid off but the closer he was getting the harder it was getting. Now there was even a bigger problem.

 

The war

Due to national preparation for the war the Japanese government refused to give him the concrete that was needed to build his factory. This seem like something that would make everybody quit, but not Mr. Honda. He didn’t quit there. He didn’t give up. He didn’t cry about it. For most of us this would mean that our dreams are crushed but absolutely not for him.

 

Bombs and earthquakes

Taking everything he could out of such situation Mr. Honda and his team build the factory thanks to their own inventions and resourcefulness. Unfortunately, the factory was bombarded twice during the war and after that destroyed even more by an earthquake. Honda assumed that the country is entering into a period of poverty and decided to sell his piston operation to Toyota. How many of us would have quit right there? But Mr. Honda was different. He was determined to succeed. He made all the necessary decisions, had the right strategy, took massive actions, had passion and belief in his vision, kept changing his approach but still couldn’t get the outcome he was after. But he didn’t give up.

 

Bicycle

After the war, due gasoline shortage in Japan Mr. Honda couldn't even drive his car to get food for his family. Again, he did what he was best at. He used the resources he had around him. Attaching a small motor to his bicycle and using a fir oil that was very popular in the countryside of Japan in those times. This newly developed bike became very trendy along his neighbors and quickly he ran out of motors. He wanted to build a factory but he didn't have the necessary capital.

 

“Overnight success”

Do you think this could stop him? Of course, not. He was determined to follow through with his vision. By sending a personal letter to the 18,000 bicycle shop owners in Japan he had raised the capital he needed. This makes his kind of a present-day pioneer of crowd founding. It took him another few years and quite a few major changes but his motorbike called "The Super Cub" became an "overnight" success in the eyes of the public. This even earning him the Emperor's award. By 1958, when “Super Cub” model came to the U.S., Honda was already the largest Japanese manufacturer of motorcycles.

 

Trials and errors

Honda succeeded because he understood the power of a truly committed decision and acted upon the conditions he was presented to. His secret lies in the fact that he was guided by his trials and errors, and was always ready to fail. In Mr. Honda’s eyes one of the essential quality of a great businessman, is the ability to take risks. He did not admit defeat and was willing to risk everything for his beliefs and ideas, in order to achieve a goal. All his life Mr. Honda was fighting with adversities, disadvantages, traditional thinking and principals. Later in life he said: “Looking back on my work, I feel that I was doing nothing more than mistakes, blunders and serious omissions. But I am proud of the achievements. Although I did one mistake after another, my mistakes and failures never occurred to the same reasons”.

 

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FAILURE STORIES. EP. 01 MR. HONDA

YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE

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YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE

I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work - Thomas A. Edison

Need for acceptance

We as human being have a deep-seated need for love and connection (Uncertainty. Significance. Love). Sometimes this is even more a need for acceptance. We satisfy this need is many different ways. Let’s take a look how this can really determine how we will perceive ourselves.   

When you are in school or when you are growing up it matters to people how you look. And then it matters to you because it matters to others. Why? Why does it matter how you look? Because if they don’t like you then who will? If they don’t except you then who will? Very often we value their opinion a lot more than our own and this won’t take us anywhere good.

 

Not good enough

I started believe that I was not good enough. I started to believe that I was a failure and that I will never ever be able to start a different carrier. It was such a deep belief that I thought to myself that I’m actually bad at everything I do. And I started to feel depressed. I though What kind of purpose do I have to live? Am I just here to live and to die? Is there no purpose to me to live? 

 

Who do you believe?

There are somethings in life that are out of our control, that we can’t change and we have to live with it. The choice that we have is either to disregard them and keep on going or to give up. What are you going to believe? Are you going to believe in yourself or are you going to believe everybody else? Are you going to believe in everybody else’s judgment on you? Are you going to believe people saying that you are a failure and no one really likes and cares about you? People don’t even look in the eye. They ask you how you are and you say fine but you’re not fine. Don’t expect them to know the truth. 

 

You’ve failed.

You have tried something new and you’ve failed. That’s not a big deal. Don’t beat yourself up. You are going to fail many but never get used to it. Take what you can from it and start all over again.

I know some failures are very painful. You almost feel like an outsider. It’s a very dark place. It might be the darkest place you have ever been. You’re sad, down and there is no light at the end of that tunnel. You ask yourself Why did this had to happen to me? It’s in this moment that you find out who you really are and what you are really about.

 

There is always a chance

Life is interesting. Life is a journey. You take step in this direction. You take steps in that direction and you get sort of lost along the way. Sometimes you fall down and you feel like you don’t have any strength to get back up. You put a mask on your face when you go back to school or work and you pretend that everything is all right when it’s not. You pretend that you got back up. You go home, lay in your bad and when no one is looking at you, when you don’t have to impress anybody and you are yourself, that’s when the fear comes in. Maybe you have doubt in your mind. Maybe you don’t know what’s going to happen. It really scares you. Maybe you are worried about what people think of you, what people say about you. Maybe that fear paralyzes you. It should be impossible for me to get back up but it’s not. I will try one hundred times to get up and if I fail one hundred times and give up do you think I’ll ever get up. If I fail I try again and again, and again. For as long as I try there is always a chance of getting up. 

 

Who are you?

But I had to ask myself a couple questions. The first question was Who am I? It’s funny how people around sort of determine who you are but it’s always you who have to change yourself. You have a choice which step are you going to take today.

Most of us go through life with our brakes on, holding back, not giving all that we can, not sharing all that we have. Most of us go to our graves still holding on rather than releasing it because of past experiences, past defeats, past pain. We look back and say It didn’t work out then, it probably won’t work out now. While all it is, that it didn’t work out tonight. We have got to separate what we do from who we are.

 

Two battles

I feel like we are all fighting two battles or two enemies at the same time as. One with the man across from you. The second is with the man inside of you. Once you control the one inside of you, the one outside doesn’t matter.

We are not handed anything. We earn everything. Every single day. Over and over again. We have to prove it. It’s in that moments of failures that we find out who we really are and what we are really about.

 

Fall forward

If I’m going to fall I don’t want to fall back on anything. I want to fall forward. At least that way I’m going see what I’m going to hit. Fall forward. Sometimes life will force you to become courageous.

Thomas Edison conducted one thousand failed experiments. The one thousand and one was the lightbulb. Fall forward.

Denzel Washington didn’t quit. He didn’t fall back. I walked out from one audition to prepare for the next audition and the next audition and the next audition. He continued to fail.

To get something you never had you have to do something you never did. You will fail at some point in your life. Except it. You will lose. You will embarrass yourself. You will suck at something. You’ve got to take risk and you heard that so many times. Fall forward. 

 

Do you want to real how to overcome the fear of failure? Read more at OVERCOMING FEAR OF FAILURE. PART 1 and Part 2

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YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE

LEARNING TO FLY

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This blog post is a recap of the last 20 month of my life and how I learned to fly.

Well, for starters didn’t see any of that coming. Even in my wildest dreams, I didn’t expect for this to happen. I didn’t expect to start this transformation, this Journey. I didn’t expect to grow so much on a personal level. I didn’t expect to get so confident, hopefully not cocky. I have developed so many new skills. I have taken and faced so many challenges. I have failed so many times and then started again. I have built so many valuable connection on all different levels. I have really started to enjoy going to job interviews. I have proved to myself that I really can be a different person. I can be proactive and energetic. I can be creative. It was probably the first time I have ever thought of myself as a creative person and it felt incredible. I have always tagged myself as a critical realist but it all changed drastically over the last 20 months. That’s just a tip of the iceberg. But let’s go back to the beginning of this Journey.

 

Living hell

As you know right now for almost four year I was working as a sales representative in one of the big banks. It was by far the toughest years of my life.  I had extremely bad days every second week, if I was lucky. If I wasn’t so lucky it could go on for days or weeks incessantly. For a long time, I was in a very dark place.

 

The Day

There was a specific day when I was still working there which I will never forget. It was by far the most important day of my life. The day of the Decision. I have listened to Tony Robbins audiobook Awaken the Giant Within twice in previous three months but nothing in that particular day showed how significant it will soon become. After very intense, stressful and embarrassing phone call with my boss I have said to my friends at work that it is my last day there. I will not be working here anymore. I’ve had it. Enough. Immediately I felt a mighty relief. Transcendental freedom. I felt powerful and in full control. My fear and my overwhelming stress were gone. I have never felt anything close to that before. It felt like reached the bottom and bounced back up. As cheesy as it sounds I saw a light and colors of life for the first time in many years. I went to be there for the next two weeks during the termination of agreement at my request. I was finally out. I have finally made the Decision and I’ve followed thru. Since than my life has changed in many aspects.

 

The chance

Without previous experience in the field, without any knowledge or education, being a little bit too old and over experienced I have been given a chance by one company. Dansk Supermarked. Little that I know how much this will change my life. The only thing that I was looking for at that time were normality, clear goals, stability and a little bit of peace of mind to do my job. The last thing that I was looking for was a chance to grow. Luckily, I found much more than just that.

 

Accountant

It’s not the job of being an accountant itself that gave me so much but there are few things that I need to mention. Besides everything that I was looking for like normality, clear goals and stability, I wanted to avoid one thing. Unnecessary stress. This stress free. It didn’t give me even  a bit None. Null. Zero. After experiences of previous four years this was a huge change, mighty relief and nice surprise for me. It turned out that you actually can live without being disregarded, offended and kicked in the face every day. This one thing allowed me to start getting back on my feet mentally. After four years of being devoured and destroyed my self-confidence was like a phoenix rising from the ashes. I have built my confidence to a level that I though was never possible for me.

 

The Hunger

The fact that I didn’t have to deal with all that madness gave me spare mental resources to develop and time to awake my hunger. Hunger for knowledge, for experiences, for different points of view. Without a special plan or vision in mind I was absorbing knowledge from many different fields. Accounting, economy, psychology, education, marketing, project management, new technologies and many more. What’s specially very funny I’ve learned much more about investing and how banking system works after I left it. Awakening of this hunger for knowledge allows me feel progress and growth on a daily basis. 

 

Eyes wide open

Along all this, I have become amazed be mindfulness and self-awareness, and the part they play in the quality of our life. It allowed me to enjoy and cherish the smallest things in life. Now my life and my happiness are truly in my hands and my hands only. Bit by bit, step by step, day by day, I learn to love my life even harder. Living consciously allowed me to enjoy every bit of life with my eyes wide open.

 

Learning to fail

First time in my life I started to take challenges not only to win but even more to fail and learn. I failed at a few different job interviews in and outside of the company. For a couple of month, I was working on two different business and failed. Day and night for about a month I was working on business plan without even trying to implement it. Starting many personal challenges and failing again and again. As trite as it sounds every failure brings a lesson. Sometimes very tiny but it’s always there. We have to be extremely persistent and determined to find it but it’s worth every try. 

 

I feel that I took to the best the chance that I have received and gave my best in return. It was just a start of a beautiful personal development Journey for me. This is how I fly. And I never want to give it up.  

 

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LEARNING TO FLY IN 20 MONTHS)

DOTS

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DOTS

You can't connect the dots looking forward you can only connect them looking backwards. So, you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something: your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. Because believing that the dots will connect down the road will give you the confidence to follow your heart, even when it leads you off the well-worn path – Steve Jobs

Where is, it going?

I have heard this quote from Steve jobs, so many times but it took me months to think it thru and discover the true meaning for me. For me it means that our every action or inaction is a simple dot our life map. Even with our vision in hand we cannot be hundred percent sure were exactly our life is going to go. Each and everything we do has the meaning down the road.

 

Hack your life

If you are still reading this, it means you are serious about the dots you put on your map. What can you do to turn your actions into meaningful dots? Let’s take the first step on your Journey. You need to hack your life. Break your daily actions into pieces and put it all together again. This bone is badly fused and the only way to fix it is to break it and piece it back together.  

 

Three steps

You can do it by taking three simple steps:

1. Timeline.

Your first step is to take a big piece of paper or open a new document. Draw a horizontal line. Think of this as a timeline of your actions.

 

2. Every action is a dot.

Next step is to think of your vision and the thing you want to accomplish. Put a dot on your time line for every action you take that might be anyhow connected to your envisioned outcome. Start from thinking about your day.  Take today or yesterday (do not go back any further for now) and put a single dot on the page for every action/inaction you took. Anything that can be even slightly connected. Both bigger a and smaller actions. Be honest with yourself.  If your goal is to eat healthy or lose 10 kg put a dot for every single thing you put in your mouth. What specifically have you eaten? Did you go to gym? Did you go for a jog or did you watched a movie on your sofa? What physical activities have you taken? What did you drink during the day? Put a dot for every drink.

Do you start to see a pattern in your actions? Do you take the same self-sabotaging actions at the same time each day? While putting dots on your map think how every single one if affecting your life.

Now go further in time to tomorrow. That is a quick journey in time but it’s worth it. Mark dots in the same way. What actions are you going to take tomorrow? What exactly are you going to do? What are you going to change? What little adjustments are you going to make? Going back to our example what are you going to eat and drink? How will you conduct yourself? Close your eyes and do the same thing for the next day. And the next one.

 

3. Try to see the future

Look at your map and think about how your dots could possibly connect in the future? Are your actions in line with your goals and your dreams? Every possibly insignificant action you undertake could matter a great deal. You have to be sure that you’re doing every possible thing to achieve your goal. Take all the chances you can, do not leave anything to good fortune or luck.    

 

I’m not a morning person

How do you feel when you wake up in the Monday morning? You probably never though that the hour when you wake up in the morning has something to do with your reasons, with your vision, with your Why. It has everything to do with it. So, you hate waking up because you don’t know the reason. You are waking up and you don’t have a design in mind. You just say I’m not a morning person. You are not a morning person because you are not living within your vision. Once you live in your purpose, when you discover your gift, you can’t wait to wake up. You have to remember Why you do it? If you won’t love it, you want survive because it is hard work.

 

Practical or irrational

Steve Jobs once said: ‘…You have to have a lot of passion for what you’re doing and the reason is because it is so hard that when you don’t any rational person would give up’. Success had nothing to do with being practical and rational. Actually, almost always it is the other way around. Your dream, your vision, your Journey has to be irrational and foolish (Journey of a fool). Don’t let anything and anyone to tame your fire.

 

Inner fire

What burns in your heart is important for you to pay attention to because it never goes away. Pay very close attention to the thing that make you happy. Look at that burning fire inside of you. Do not ignore it. The only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great and the only way to do great thing is to love what you do.

 

Why?

We need to go back to the core question of Why? But first you need to change the state you are in. Give it a go. In order to make it happen you need to be sure this is what you want to do. I don’t want to force you to anything. If this is something you want to do, do it. Just do it.

 

When?

When it is a good time to start? What do you think about NOW? There never was a better time. There never will be a better time. Take this vision, take this Journey. Don’t let it expire. Don’t let it die. Take this vision give it a new lease of life. Take this Journey and vitalize it. Take it and ignite the fire inside of you until finally it becomes a flame that burns around your whole world. You are on your way to change your dreams into reality. Most of people already know it on some level but we still don’t take any action. You don’t do anything about it. Knowledge is power only when you use it by taking actions.

 

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DOTS

PERFECT DAY

Posted Leave a commentPosted in 6 minute read
perfect day

The perfect day? Going to bed with a dream, waking up with a purpose.

Let’s say magically you came into possession of a gold fish. This particular goldfish is a little bit different than all others you have heard about. It can grant you with only one specific wish. It can give you, your idea of a perfect day. Most beautiful, most magnificent perfect day.  Can you already see it in your mind? Stop here for a minute and imagine that day? What it would be about?

 

Your last perfect day

How many of you had a perfect day in the course of last three months? The day that was so astounding, that you couldn’t believe. What that day felt like? What happened? Now you need to create the idea of your perfect day. Take your notebook or open a new file and in three steps answers those questions:

  1. How your perfect day will feel? What emotions are you going to feel during that day? Think about them. Write them down. How happy and fulfilled are you going to feel?
  2. What this ideal day would be about? What types of thing would you like to create, contribute, do or experience? Who would you like to connect to?  Design your day around it. Make your day about what you want it to be about.
  3. What would you be about on your ideal day? How would you act, react and think? How would you threat others? How would you like to be seen?

 

Own your morning

You can choose to wake up every single day and live that ideal day. You show up. It is up to you. You can have that perfect day even tomorrow. One of the technics to live in your perfect day is to own your morning. When you start your day, you have to own your morning. That way you can be proactive about your day. Ask yourself what you want to accomplish, experience, feel or give today. You have to have a goal on your ideal day. You have to aim at something. What would your dream day be about? Who would be there? Who would you be during that day?

 

Your choice

Most of us wake up every day looking for pain, for drama, for problems, for negativity. It is us. It’s our choice. Stop coming up with excuses. If you don’t make it to where you want to be, it is because of the decisions that you have made along the way. You have the power over your mind but that’s it. You will never be able to control outside events. When you realize that you can start playing to your strengths and then you will start advancing on your Journey.

 

Manage your emotions

It’s not what happens during your perfect day and in your lives in general. The most important thing is how you are going to handle it. Your emotions determine the quality of your day and life. You can either be stressed and mad about every little thing that is not going your way or you can control your emotions. You can manage your emotions. Let them be your puppets not the other way around. It’s not about keeping your emotions to yourself and stacking them deeply inside of you. That is not what I mean. What I actually have in my mind is to get rid of all the negative emotions. Throw them away immediately. Do not, under any circumstances, put them in your inner storage. Dump them. One by one. The space in your storage, in your mind is finite and it’s totally up to you how you are going to fill it. Step by step clean it up. Make space for the emotions you really want to grasp and then let them be your fuel.

 

Emotional Standby

Let’s concentrate how you can use your good emotions during your perfect day. When do you usually feel good? Is there something that need to happen for you to feel good? Most of us feel good when something good happens. We wait for that significant, compelling moment and usually it doesn’t happen too often, does it? What about the space in between those moments? How do you feel than? Most of the time we are on emotional stand by. We hope for the best but we wait and rely on outside events and we give away control over our emotions. Quite often we go up and down, over and over again.

 

Feel great without a reason

But could we grasp those positive emotions for a longer time? Not only we can do it, we have to do it. Do not let your environment to control you. You cannot control outside events but you can fully control your emotions. You don’t need an excuse to feel good. You can really feel great for no good reason. Just like that. Most people would think that sounds really naive. The situation is the other way around.

 

How is it going?

Actually, most people don’t need reason to feel bad. When you ask them How’s it going? They often say I don’t feel good or I feel terrible. You ask again How come? And you hear I just woke up or It’s Monday or I have to go to work tomorrow. Sound familiar? Unfortunately, we accept and even understand that kind of behaviors.  If you ask someone else the same question How’s it going? and in reply you’ll hear I feel great! How come? I don’t know, I just do! You think this guy needs to go psychiatrist. There’s got to be something wrong with him, right? 

 

Who’s who?

That’s the cultural conditioning we live in. We accept and understand people who feel sorry for themselves. On the other hand, we despise people who are positive no matter what. It is quite easy to spot how’s how. Your body language, your facial expressions and your verbal communication show your state. Your mental state produces your emotions. Most of us know people who look angry all the time, all day and their emotions go along with that state.

 

Every day

What about people who are always smiling? Happy-go-lucky ones. Those irrational happy dreamers. They live in that state and their life is filled with fun and joy.  When you are angry you will do things that will make you angrier all day long. When you are sad you will do things that makes you even more sad. When you are conditioned to be happy you look for clues to feed your positive emotions and your perfect day can be almost every day.

 

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perfect day

IN YOUR HEAD

Posted Leave a commentPosted in 6 minute read, Uncategorized
IN YOUR HEAD

We are addicted to our thoughts. We cannot change anything if we cannot change our thinking – Santosh Kalwar

Most of people take a little and turn into a lot. They focus on what’s wrong and they run a whole story around it. What we need to do, is to take all that noise and turn it into music.

 

Spectators

Unfortunately, most people are spectators. They spend majority of their time watching entertainment, sporting events, television. That’s what majority of people do. Majority of people spend their time and their money on things that provide them release from their lives. From stress. They look for distractions. Do you like to consume other people problems? No? So why do you watch TV? Don’t you have your own problems? I know I have and so do you.

 

Viewer, recorder, projector

Your eyes are only viewers but your brain is a recorder and projector that is running a different story over every picture. We can all have different filters and focal points in the same story. That is why so often we catch ourselves and our friends on telling the same story it two totally different ways. Focusing on different events, different people, giving it in fact totally different meaning. Don’t ever give fear the power to write your script. Make a conscious choice to perceive challenges as something beneficial so you can deal with them in the most productive way.

 

 

Excuses

Stop being a lazy person that’s full of excuses. Stop coming up with every excuse in the book for why you are not wining.  You are the reason why you’re not wining. You keep messing with evil, negative and dysfunctional people. Stop complaining about being out of shape when you never go to the gym. Stop complaining about the way you look when you eat everything in sight. You are the reason you look the way you look. You are the reason you are unemployed. You are the reason you are negative. You are the reason you are unhappy. You are the reason.

We are being raised in a generation of people that come up with every excuse in the book as to why they are not wining. Excuses sound best to the people that’s making them up. You’ve got every excuse in the world that’s why nothing ever change and nothing will change. You have convinced yourself that everything is negative, wrong and nothing will change. Guess what? You are right. It won’t change. Change your mind and it will change your life.

 

Pity Party

So many people thought their way into depression. They thought their way into negativity and misery. It’s all in the mind. Change your mind and it will change your life. You just have to wake up. You just have to break that negative spirit. You have to break that pattern.

I don’t feel sorry for you but you feel sorry for yourself and that’s the problem.  Even when positive people are trying to give you all this good energy you have tricked your mind to turn every positive thing that they say into something negative. Every time they say anything to motive you and inspire you, you turn it into something negative.

If nothing around you changes, change the things around you.

The outcome of your life and your carrier is based on the choices that you make. Get of the pity party.

 

Challenge yourself

Honor that quiet voice within you and continue to saturate your mind with positive things. Continue to look for people with talents, abilities, skills and surround yourself with people from which you can learn and grow. This will allow you to develop new skills, new talents, new abilities, new relationships, new resources. As you learn, as you grow, as you develop, you will discover things you can do, that you don’t even realize yet. Most people fail in live not because they aim to high and miss.  Most people fail in live because they aim too low and hit. What’s even worse some people don’t even aim at all. I did that for many years and it only brought me stress, fear and frustration. There are things you can do, that you haven’t try yet and you’ve got to challenge yourself. Well, I’ve tried some things and they didn’t work out. So, what? That’s how it should be. You should fail many times. Fail your way to success.

 

Language

Your story is also represented in the language you are using both internally in your mind and externally to communicate with your environment. Language is the software of your mind. It has the power to change your statement. It has the power to change emotions. It has the power to change your story. What you do, what you accomplish is a result of what you believe and the story that is in your head. The story might be magnificent, powerful but if your language is negative or sluggish you will never get there.

 

Fill your head

Fill your head with words that empower you. You have got greatness within you. Challenge yourself. Push yourself. Surround yourself with people who have goals and dreams. Mastermind, encourage and inspire each other and you will develop strategy and synergy to do more than you ever begin to imagine. You have something special. You have greatness within you.

 

Your story

Most of us had those big dreams in our childhood about being a hero. Some of us still have them when we get older. It was either about saving people from a humongous fire, catching extremely dangerous criminal mastermind or making a winning shot, scoring a vital goal in championship game. We felt marvelous, significate and powerful. When we are younger we dream about all those things but later we don’t even dare to do that. Why have we stopped doing that? Maybe because we have become disappointed or we got frustrated by life. Maybe we are disappointed at ourselves. Whatever the reason might be we need to purposely come back to this habit of being a hero is our own story. In the end, regardless if we want it or not, we are the main characters in our story and it’s totally up to us to be a great hero.

 

Be a hero in your own story. 

How you will write and live your own story will determine, what kind of a hero you can become and how many secrets will be revealed to you.

 

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IN YOUR HEAD

BUILDING SELF-ESTEEM

Posted Leave a commentPosted in 6 minute read
BUILDING SELF-ESTEEM

Self-Esteem or Self-Confidence?

Well, both. What’s the difference between confidence and self-esteem? The definitions of the words self-esteem and self-confidence are often used interchangeably when referring to how people feel about themselves. People often talk about them together, but they’re actually very different. Sometimes they go along each other but that’s not always the case. Of course people who have high self-esteem can also be very self-confident. On the other hand, quite often people with extreme self-confidence can have a very low self-esteem.  

 

What is Self-Esteem?

Self-esteem refers to how you feel about yourself overall. How much esteem, positive regard or self-love you have. Self-esteem develops from experiences and situations that have shaped how you view yourself today.

 

What is Self-Confidence?

Self-confidence on the other hand is how you feel about your abilities. It can vary from situation to situation. Self-confidence is related to action.  It’s your belief that you can succeed at something. Your friend can be a confident that she is a good manager but she’s not at all that confident about speaking in public.

The other thing you have to have in mind that your self-confidence can sometimes be mistaken with arrogance. There is a very thin line between those two but being sincere and humble will help you stay on the good side of that line.

 

Can they go together?

As mentioned before there’s no doubt about it. When you love yourself, your self-esteem improves, which makes you more confident. When you are confident in areas of your life, you begin to increase your overall sense of esteem. You can work on both at the same time.

 

How to build Self-Confidence?

You all need to understand is that self-confidence is a skill. So you build it just like any other skill. You learn it. You practice it. And master it. Surprised? I know many people who actually would be very surprised and disappointed that it’s not something given to people and they just weren’t lucky enough to get it. They often think they were just not blessed with this gift so there’s nothing they can do about it. Until they change that belief they won’t do anything to build their self-confidence. Some of them never try to confront and change that belief.

 

It’s a skill

Without that skill you can never shine in any area of life. Some of the greatest athletes are shy in front of the camera but on the field they are as confident as a charging bull. Self-confidence is the ability to believe that you are able to accomplish anything you decide to. The odds, the difficulty, the adversity, it all does not matter. What really matter is that it can be learned. So what does it take to learn it?

Well, all it takes is one thing. Only one thing.

Repetition. Repetition. Repetition. No one is born self-confident. Just like anything else it takes time. It is a process. It is a Journey. 

 

THE SIX PILLARS OF SELF-ESTEEM

How to build Self-Esteem? There are 6 practices that can help you tremendously which where described in “The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem” written by Nathaniel Branden.

 

1. The practice of living consciously.

All of us have more knowledge than we normally are aware of. More wisdom than we use. More potential than typically shows up in our behavior. Unfortunately, most of us are sleep-walking thought our existence. We need to start paying attention to what we are actually doing. We need to act with a purpose and intention.

 

2. The practice of self-acceptance.

Improve what you can change and learn to accept what you can’t. Let me address a common issue. There are people who think that self-acceptance somehow goes against self-improvement. It’ doesn’t. In fact, self-improvement can only follow self-acceptance. Accept yourself. Accept your advantages. Accept your disadvantages and those you already can.

 

3. The practice of self-responsibility.

Very often people use a certain excuse to explain why they are doing what they’re doing or not doing anything. I don’t train because I have a medical condition. Does this ring a bell? Have you heard it before? That’s a very easy way out because there’s always something you could be doing to improve your fitness. Don’t give yourself this easy way out.

 

4. The practice of self-assertiveness.

Staying authentic to our true self under pressure. Be grounded in what you believe in. Don’t say you sort of believe in it. You need to fully stand for what you believe in. 100 % unapologetic. It doesn’t mean lacking social awareness or to be pushy and start converting other people to your beliefs. But don’t go against your authentic self.

 

5. The practice of living purposefully.

If you will live your life with a purpose you will have a higher self-esteem. That’s one of the reasons why athletes or entrepreneurs have such high self-esteem. They do what they do with a purpose in mind. Not only they know what’s at the end of that road, they see themselves already there. They know it’s going to be tough but that’s never the reason to stop.

 

6. The practice of personal integrity.

If you are going to act against what you believe in your inner voice will tell you over and over how worthless you are. Only you will know, but when it comes to self-esteem, your inner voice is the one that matters the most. You can’t have the voice in your head telling you how worthless you are and build self-esteem at the same time.

 

Notice how each pillar starts with ‘practice of’. Self-esteem is not something you build by reading this article, by reading a book or watching a video. Self-esteem, just like self-confidence, is a skill. It’s something you build by constant practice for the rest of your life. Repetition. Repetition. Repetition.

 

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BUILDING SELF-ESTEEM

LIMITING BELIEFS

Posted Leave a commentPosted in 6 minute read
LIMITING BELIEFS

Beliefs have power to create and the power to destroy – Tony Robbins

From the time we are born we all have and experience different disadvantages. What’s your disadvantage? Are you dyslectic? Are you from a small town? Are you an immigrant?  Did you have a tough childhood? Have you been raised in a broken family? Are you short? Are your tall? Are you’re a woman? Maybe a man? Is your race different? Religion? You are unique and there’s no doubt about that but guess what? We all have many disadvantages.  What you see as a blessing can be disadvantage do someone else.  

 

Playing the wrong cards

Why are we worrying such much about our disadvantages? Why are we so focused on problems, on our limiting beliefs? I don’t have what it takes. I don’t have time, skills, knowledge, money, self-confidence to do it? I’m not strong enough. I’m not disciplined enough. I don’t deserve it.  Why do we put so much emphasis on mental weakness, instead of mental strength? We constantly focus on what’s wrong with our life. Even at work we are conditioned to identify our weakness and find solutions, so we can get better with our weakness. Why we are playing the wrong cards?

 

Average

From the time you are little kids, you are told to work on your weakness and to be good all around. Your parents expect you to be good in every class. The biggest value to your parents, teachers, schools and even society is your grade point average. Average of your grades! Have you ever thought about it? What world are we really trying to build?  Do we really want to live in world of mediocre people? Average. Mediocre. Medium. Blend. Vanilla. Is that it?     

 

Remarkable

You know what? The player who’s good all-around would never be a star. A star is player who’s remarkable at this on, two or four things but really sucks at the rest. If you want to be remarkable at anything you need to shine. Why don’t you bet on your uniqueness? Why don’t you bet on our strengths, your passions? It’s not even your limiting beliefs, it’s your limiting vision of who you are and what you are capable of. ­­We are all remarkable most of us don’t know it just yet. 

 

Focus

You don’t just change your limiting beliefs. You have to change your entire focus of what you’re looking at. In most cases your focus is send straight to your limiting things instead of those empowering capabilities. How much time do you focus on your weakness and worries, determines your destiny. How much attention do you give to your capabilities, opportunities, your vision? Is it enough?

 

Frames

Removing your limiting beliefs is a great start but that’s only the first step. You’re going to need a lot more than that. What’s going to help you is changing your focus on something bigger and greater about yourself. Change your dominant frame and focus. If you truly want to initiate change you can start by paying attention to three frames below. Do it at least for a week. Give it a go. You will be surprised how different your life can be right away. 

Three frames:

1. Greatness.

What if you take your focus from all your weakness and your insecurities, that you always had, and put your attention on your Greatness. Next time a big problem or issue come up, don’t focus on how big or hard it’s going to be to overcome it and focus on how much capabilities and strengths you already have to solve it. Give more relative weight and duration to what you would do on your best performance, your best day, best meeting, best game, best workout. Focus on the best you can be right now.

What’s magnificent about you? What are you capable of? Expose your greatness. Expose your best side.

 

2. Aliveness.

Choose to focus on your aliveness. Be fully alive and present in the moment. Feel more grateful for your life. Allow yourself to feel alive. Don’t wait to be energetic, don’t look for it, generate it. The level of your vital energy depend only on you. Don’t be just a spectator to your life, be a leading star instead.

 

3. Love.

What if you start loving your life? How would it be to act from the feeling of love? Give yourself permission to love more fully again.

Almost all of us had broken heart once in our lifetime. No surprise, I had a very broken heart myself. Some of us deal with this better, than others. I was absolutely and entirely in the second group.

 

Broken life

When my finance at the time, now wife, and I broke off with each other after 6-years, I was crushed. Quite quickly I have realized that it was almost only my fault, but I couldn’t let it go. I was fighting for it. The more I tried to fixed it, the more I was pushing her away. She moved to a different city. Although we didn’t have any contact with each other for a long time, I still could get myself together.  My world was closing on me. Fast. In addition to my broken heart, I couldn’t find a full time job. I was working as intern in Tax Office, in a convenience store during the summer, then in autumn and winter on construction site repairing and renovating a bridges.

 

Emotional blockade

For that whole year I was not allowing myself to love any part of my life. All my emotions were instantly blocked at the gate. It took me over a year to heal up my mental wounds and open up for a new relationship. Thanks to my very close friend Marcin, I found new passion in working out. I started to love my life again and I was ready to love again. I was getting back my self-confidence. For many of you it takes even longer and I know it’s hard but you want to speed-up the healing process. There in so much about your life that’s worth loving and living for. You can always start from loving the smallest things like encounters with your friends, family, your job or at least certain parts of it. Going out, being active, growing or progressing in something and working on yourself. Allow yourself to love your life again.

 

Dominant frame

Let’s turn your dominant frame to how magnificent and remarkable you really are. Let’s turn focus and frame from your past to your future. All our psychological journeys to the past only benefits us if they bring us back to this moment and allow us to make better decisions and choices. Greatness, aliveness and love are in you, why not focus on them?  

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LIMITING BELIEFS