Turning fear into fun is a gift of creativity – Joe Gebbia
PAIN AND PLEASURE
In the process of overcoming fear of failure, we have got to deal with pain first. We don’t avoid the real, physical or mental pain, we avoid what we link pain to. It’s up to us to decide what we want to be pleasurable or painful. Once we change the meaning we associate to the certain situation, we will literally feel it in our body. Our future it shaped to a great extent by pain and pleasure links we have created through our entire life. We have created very complex map of pain and pleasure links. If you’re not happy with your design, you have got to change it now and some things go.
LET IT GO
You are right if you think that is not going to be easy. It takes courage to let things go. Things that hurt you. Things that wounded you. Things that made you bleed. It takes courage to let them go. You have to have enough faith to believe that what is in front of you is greater than what was behind you. Stop thinking about your past, your past pain, your past failure. Focus totally on your future.
You need to realize that you have to stop thinking about the pain you might experience. You are just afraid of failure but failure will come. Fear will come. Pain will come. But you’re not the first one. There were many people before who went through it and they have won that battle. Failure is a necessity of success. Just like pain is a necessity of growth.
WORST CASE SCENARIO
Defeating fear is the first step to success. One of the ways to do it is to divide a piece of paper into three vertical columns:
- Write all the things that could go wrong if you quit your job, if you make that big decision to start that company or whatever else is in your mind (give as many details as possible). What are the worst things that may happen if you do it?
- What are the things you could do to mitigate those risks. How can you decrease the likelihood of all those bad things? How can you prevent those things from happening? How can you prepare yourself for that?
- What you could do to get back to where you are now if those things happen? How long will it take you to get back? How much effort will it take?
Once you define with extreme clarity what you are really afraid of, you realize none of those things is permanent. Almost all of them are fairly easily reversible. Once you put your mighty fears on paper they become tiny speculations.
Knowing that will a massive relief before taking the next big step. Crossing the bridge.
LEARN YOUR LESSON
As said before so many of us do not act upon our plans and dreams because of fear of failure. We think every failed experiment is a step backward. In reality is totally different. There is no question to me that failing is very unpleasant and disappointing but it makes you aware of the holes in your game. You get used to this new situation. It’s the best learning experience you could ever ask for. Failing is 10 times better than not trying at all. But remember to fail fast and learn even faster. Failure is a progress in every sense of the word and you need to fail your way to successes.
4 STEPS OF DEALING WITH FAILURE
How to deal with failure? With a use of insides from the best experts in the process reverse engineering of human mind, especially Tony Robbins, I have created a best way for myself to handle with failure. My quick process of dealing with failure is divided into 4 steps:
- Acknowledge it. Accept the reality of this situation.
- Decide what it really means to you. Not what others make of it but what are the real implications. Is it really so bad?
- Learn from it. What can you take from this? What can you change next time?
- Leave it. Forget about it. Remember only the lesson not the experience.
This short formula works for me in case of both smaller and bigger setbacks.
STRESS OF CHANGE
Most of us live in the world which is very well organized. We do certain things, at a certain time with a certain people. It is our pond. It might be bigger or smaller but it’s our own. We know our ways around it. You know where to look and where to hide. Every once in a while, someone stirs the water on the surface, puts a new fish or change the water in your pond. Your world gets shaken a bit. Most of the time this causes unnecessary stress and fear but everything gets restored sooner than you expect it.
If you do learn to jump from pond to pond, from one environment to another, from one world to another, you will become fearless and unstoppable. You won’t worry anymore about the fear of failure or change. Change truly is the one thing that will never change.
FEED ON YOUR FEAR
I want you to understand me correctly, there is nothing wrong about being scared to fail but it’s wrong when it keeps you from doing what you really envisioned. Steven Pressfield calls it ‘Resistance’ in his book The War of Art. The level of Resistance you experience affects the clarity of your vision, your goal, your dream, you Journey. The more Resistance you experience, the surer you will be that it’s the best thing for your growth and development. The more scared you are of something you want to do, the more you need to do it to overcome your limitations. What are the things that you want to do, and are scared of? What are your limitations? What don’t you know? Figure out what it is and pursue it. If you know your limitations, you can adapt and succeed. If you don’t know them you are going to get hurt. You will see more growth and fulfillment from this journey than form anything else you could do I life.
It is never a problem to overshoot your potential because if you really want it you will find a way.
FAILURES DON’T DEFINE US
Failures aren’t pleasant but they are inevitable part of your success. Failures don’t define your success. Failures don’t define who you are. If you measure your life by how much money you make, by the place you live in, by the car you drive, by your job title, by your position in the corporation, by how you dress, by how you look or what you eat, if this is the kind of success you are looking for you are destined to be disappointed.
By failing and learning from your experience you are making progress. You get smarter and try again until you get it right. You can be sure that nothing works for the first time. Never. I see failure as a feedback on my actions. Put yourself in a position where you are forced to go forward and there is no other place to go. The true failure comes to the picture only when you stop trying. Believe in yourself. Go for growth and start your Journey.
Are you able to overcome your fear now?