LIFE AFTER HOLIDAY…

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OVERCOMING FEAR OF FAILURE. PART 1

People rarely succeed unless they have fun in what they are doing - Dale Carnegie

Is there even a life after it?

Most of us find it extremely hard to get back to our duties after being on holiday. In best cases scenario, we are only distracted and a lot slower for couple of days. Unfortunately, way to often it goes far beyond that. Many of us feel disappointed, frustrated, deceived, sometimes even scared or depressed. Sound heavy but it’s not a joke.

 

Fear of the unknown

We know it’s coming. We know we have to get back to work. We’ve done it many times. We know we’ll have to go through it again and we set our self that it’s going to be hard. Everybody around us says that it’s rough and nasty. And we fall for that. It takes us at least a week to get back to life and we seem to be everywhere but here and now.

 

Reminders of reality

We are constantly asked How fun it was? What did you do? Where have you been? We are constantly reminded we are back to worse reality. That our time there was a dream. This is what’s real and it sucks! But why does it suck? Do we really think so or is it someone else’s idea?

 

Why does it suck?

For me it’s a matter of mindset and our own decisions. If you will be only thinking that something great is over and now you have to go back to your grey, boring and unfulfilling job, don’t be surprised that you’re going to feel the same way. Let me just tell you that those are not your thoughts. This is a mindset that is everywhere around you and you just didn’t figure it could be any different. It can. What’s even more important you can do it too.

 

Reverse engineer

Reverse engineer your unconscious way thinking. Don’t think about all the things you hate about going back to work. Don’t think about waking up early. Don’t think about the backlog and overload of work you’re going to have. Don’t think about co-workers you can’t stand. Don’t think about those boring assignments. The list goes on and on.

 

How much do you love it?

Start thinking about all those things you love and like about your job. All the chances you have to work on yourself, your skills, your character, your resume and experience. Think that this job gave you money to go on those wonderful holidays. Now you can start saving for the next trip. Isn’t this exciting? It surely is for me. Think about all the colleagues you love to joke around or learn from. Remind yourself how much they are giving you and how much you’re giving in return. How great does it feel to get back home after a tough day at work? How much do you love to sleep at your own bad? This could be even a longer list if you choose to. Being on holiday for half of your life won’t get you any closer to your dreams. Not a bit. So, think about your purpose, your plan, your dream, your vision. In order to get there, you need to get back to work. There is no other way.

 

Find a way

Just to get one thing straight I’m trying to convince you to paint the grass green. If you hate your job and if it suffocates you, change it. Some of you are going to say easier said than done Mr. smarty pants. But you know what’s even harder for most of us? It’s making a decision that you’re going to find a better job. Not wishing. Not looking for a job. Not going sending applications and going for interviews. The crucial part is making the decision that you are already out and now you are going to find a better job. From now on it’s a matter of time. If it’s not possible today don’t cry about it. Work on yourself harder than you work on your job. Build your resume. Acquired news skills and sharpen those that you already have. Pay attention, learn, get inspired, model the masters in your field. Decide to find a way.  

 

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ONE PHONE CALL AWAY

Posted Leave a commentPosted in 5 minute read
ONE PHONE CALL AWAY

No one wants to die. Even the people who want to go to heaven don’t want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it – Steve Jobs

We are just a doctor’s visit away or phone call away from being starkly reminded with the fact of our own mortality or those closest to us. You must know how uncanny it is to suddenly be thrown out of the normal course of your life and just be given a full-time job of not dying or carrying for someone. We rarely think about it but it may happen to all of us.

 

Petty concerns

The one thing we tend to realize in moments like this it that we’ve wasted a lot of time when life was normal. It’s not just what we did with that time. It’s not just that we’ve spend too much time working or compulsively checking emails. It’s that we’ve cared about wrong things. It the moments like this we often regret what we’ve cared about. Our attention was bound up in petty concerns year after year when life was normal.

 

Forever?

Deep inside we all know it may come in an instant. Don’t you know that? Don’t you know that there’s going to come a day when you’ll be sick or someone close to you will die. You will look back on the kind of things that captured your attention and you will say What was I doing? You know this and yet if you’re like most people you’ll spend most of your time in life presuming you’re going to live forever.

 

Unexpectedly

We take for granted so much that everyday we’re just going to wake up and that we are going to go through the same routines get to see the same people. That those people are going to be there when we come home at night. That every day is going to be the same way like the other but right now when you’re reading this there are hundreds of people whose life was taken by surprise. Unexpectedly. 

 

Reaper will come

Even if you live to be hundred there’s not that my days in life. Way too many of us are trying to check the boxes of the things that do not really interest us. In doing that we’re wasting majority of our life. Shortly before his death Randy Pausch ‘We don't beat the Grim Reaper by living longer, we beat the Reaper by living well and living fully, for the Reaper will come for all of us. The question is what do we do between the time we are born and the time he shows up. It's too late to do all the things that you're gonna kinda get around to… It is not the things we do in life that we regret on our death bed. It is the things we do not. I assure you I've done a lot of really stupid things, and none of them bother me. All the mistakes, and all the dopey things, and all the times I was embarrassed — they don't matter. What matters is that I can kind of look back and say: Pretty much any time I got chance to do something cool I tried to grab for it — and that's where my solace comes from.’

 

Find you passion

You will need find your passion. Many of you have already done it, many of you will later, many of you may take to your thirties or forties, but don't give up on finding it. Right, then all you are doing is waiting for the reaper. Find your passion and follow it. And if there is anything that I have learned in life, you will not find that passion in things. And you will not find that passion in money. Because the more things and the more money you have, the more you will just look around and use that as the metric — and there will always be someone with more. Your passion must come from the things that fuel you from the inside. And honors and awards are nice things, but only to the extent that they regard real respect from your peers. And to be thought of well by people you think of more highly up is a tremendous honor I've been granted. Find your passion, and in my experience, no matter what you do at work or what you do in in official settings, that passion will be grounded in people. It will be grounded in the relationships you have with people and what they think of you when your time comes – Randy Pausch

 

Darkness

You see when are in that darkness you want to sit there and wait for the light to come. When you’re in that darkness it feels uncomfortable and the only way out is to step forward to face your fears, to become your own light. Make a decision right now that when you are going to be in that darkens you will remember the power of you. Nobody is going to take you out of that darkness. You have to push yourself out of it. When you have that bourdon upon you that’s when it’s time to fuel yourself up. There is a light somewhere. It may not be much light but it beats the darkness. You can’t beat death but you can beat death in life.  

 

3 things

Your disease does not define you. It can take all your physical abilities, but it cannot touch your mind, it cannot touch your heart and it cannot touch your soul. And those three things are going to carry on forever.

 

With passion

Realize that time is very precious to all of us. Neither of us knows how much we have left. Don’t give up. Don’t ever give up. Live your life with passion. Laugh. Think. Cry. Be enthusiastic every day. Be grateful for every day you have left.

Enjoy your life. Your life matters and it matters for a lot of people.

Love you Dad

ONE PHONE CALL AWAY

WHAT MAKES THE RICH GET RICHER AND POOR GET POORER?

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WHAT MAKES THE RICH GET RICHER AND POOR GET POORER?

After a rich man gets rich, his next ambition is to get richer

The holy grail of belief, the holy grail of momentum, the true difference between what makes the rich get richer and poor get poorer is mindset (“Three decision you make”). I’m not rediscovering the wheel, we all know that the difference is mindset but how’s that build? It’s about four things. Potential. Actions. Results. Beliefs

 

Potential

The first thing that determines whether you can do something or not is Potential. What’s the potential of a human being? I’m totally convinced that there are no limitations to our potencial.

Roger Banister was the first human to run a mile under 4 minutes, 

How did he do it? Roger Banister didn’t just practice physically. He made a shift in his head. He practiced it in his head because he could never achieve it physically. He had to make a change in his head first so the result became certain enough to believed it and his body got him through. After Roger Banister run that 4-minute mile within 2 years 37 people run a mile under 4 minutes. 37 people in 2 years. Before Roger did it no one has done it in history. No one!

 

Vicious circle

The potential for anybody is extraordinary. They can do whatever they want.  Whether they tap into that potential has a lot to do with action they take. Action they take is going to turn in results they get. That’s pretty obvious.

Most people have a belief what their real potential is no matter what you try to show them. That directly influences how much action they take and of course that affects the result. Ironically that result reinforces their belief and that belief affects potential. It’s a vicious circle. It can be going like that forever. Are you ready for it?  

 

Our own prophecy

I’ll give you an example. Let’s say a person has unlimited potential but they take little action. They get small results. Why?  Because they have a problem with their belief. They don’t believe it will really going to happened for them. It may happen for you. Maybe for someone else but not for them. If you believe that there is very little potential how much action are you going to take? Very little. You take little potential, little action and what kind of results do you get? Lousy little results and then you say See, I told you this was a waste of time. I told you it wouldn’t work. And then what happens you tap into even less potential, you take even less action, you get worse results, your belief gets even weaker. This can go on for your entire life if you won’t stop it. It poisonous and it’s self-fulfilling. Very often we are living our own prophecy.

 

 

Certainty

What if something could happen that could come along and fill you with the sense of absolute certainty.  Not like I believe but when you know. If you get yourself in the sense of certainty that this is going to work, that you’re going to find a way and if this won’t work you will find a new way then you tap into a lot more potential. When you’re certain with your potential you take massive action. When you take massive action and you really believe in something you get great results. When you get great results, your brain goes See, I told you this was a great idea I told you I can do it. I told you this thing would work out. Now you’re even stronger. You tap into more potential. You take greater actions. You get greater results. That’s how the rich get richer and poor get poorer. That’s very simple.

 

Result in your head

Some people go and say I’m going to take a bunch of action. I’m going to try it. It’s like a salesman would say You don’t want one of these, do you? The core difference in people is how do they produce certainty when the world isn’t giving it to them. How some people keep on going? They don’t change their potential. It’s not even about taking more action because taking more actions without belief is not going to change anything. They get results in their head that made them feel certain that it has already happened. 

 

Reinforce your belief

It’s getting yourself so certain that now when you actually go and do it there is no hesitancy and you execute. It’s having an absolute certainty that makes you tap in your full potential, take massive action, get massive results and be reinforced to have stronger belief. This what makes someone a star at anything.

 

Condition yourself

People are uncertain if they are going to succeed or not. They want it but they are afraid. Future seems very blurry. Have big enough reason that makes you have to succeed or condition yourself to see it and feel it so often that you’re certain and you actually do it. You can go to every seminar, you can get the greatest coach, you can read every book, every article but until you condition yourself to see it and feel it you won’t succeed. You’ve got to make it a must and you’ve got to make it a ritual.

 

Rich get richer because they are getting more potential, taking greater action, getting greater results and they are reinforcing their beliefs.

 

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WHAT MAKES THE RICH GET RICHER AND POOR GET POORER?

WHY WE DON’T DO?

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WHY WE DON’T DO?

Knowing is not enough, we must apply. Willing is not enough, we must do – Bruce Lee

Sounds great but how to do it? First try to change the question you ask yourself from ‘What’s most important to me?’ to ‘What do my values needs to be to succeed? Values are the emotional states that we believe are most important for us to either experience or avoid. Values determines what you focus on. They control what you know and don’t know. They control what you do and don’t do. What’s important and what’s not. Values and beliefs are directly responsible for our neglect and procrastination. Values and beliefs are the place where we will find the answer to Why we don’t do.

 

Preferences

Every decision in your life is determined by your beliefs and values. So many of us like to declare out preferences and say out loud what we want. Unfortunately for us those preferences are far different from the preferences we actually reveal and actions we undertake. Success does not come from your talking. It comes from your actions. 

 

Leverage

How about inactions of others? Can you change people who don’t want to change? The answer is simple. Off course you can. All you need is the right kind of leverage. Some people rather die than let you tell them what to do but all of us have a leverage point. If you get enough leverage and if you interrupt the pattern you can make anyone to change. If you are conscious enough you can create a new pattern. If all it takes is leverage, why most people want do it?  Main source of that are your beliefs.

 

Insane beliefs

Can we have beliefs that make no sense, yet still believe them? Sure. The only way people change is when they associate it with enough pain or pleasure. And ideally both. If you are doing something constantly and every time you get more and more pain, you will get to a point when you must change. On the other hand, getting pleasure fuels the process of change. It is like with a glass of soda. After drinking the first one you will want more and more. Drinking more soda will not make your thirst go away.  You need to break that pattern and go for water not soda. At first it might not give you the taste you expect but it the long run you will really enjoy the outcome.

 

Weak Foundations

With every next experience your beliefs are getting stronger. Remember you are like a magnificent building and your beliefs are your foundations. You can be remarkable design with outstanding facade but if you are built on weak foundations, pillars or in a swampy area, you will collapse spectacularly. Take care of your foundations. Take care of your beliefs.

 

Pain and Pleasure links

What equals pain and what equals pleasure is deeply wired in your nervous system. In order to change you need to change what you link pain and pleasure within your nervous system, not just in your head. Very often you know what to do but you still don’t do it. Sounds familiar? It means that links to your nervous system took over. Some of you link pain to the things you need to do, like making that phone calls, like exercising, asking for help, going to work or coming home. Sometimes you escape making a change because you think how good it was in the past. If your present is painful you escape to the past to run from the pressure to change or you escape to the future because no one knows exactly how it’s going to go. But if your brain links that it is was painful in the past, it is painful now and it will be painful in the future, the change will happen instantly.

 

Past outcomes

How much do you think your past outcomes alter your future decision and actions? We love to think we have a freewill to do whatever and whenever we want. The truth of the matter is that most of us are massively hardwired to our past and it’s an excellent prognostic for our future. It happens for one reason only. One reason. We allow our past to be an unconquerable limitation. It deforms our beliefs. It restricts our thoughts. It destroys our actions. Don’t let our past to destroy our future. Leave your past behind you.

 

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LIMITING BELIEFS

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LIMITING BELIEFS

Beliefs have power to create and the power to destroy – Tony Robbins

From the time we are born we all have and experience different disadvantages. What’s your disadvantage? Are you dyslectic? Are you from a small town? Are you an immigrant?  Did you have a tough childhood? Have you been raised in a broken family? Are you short? Are your tall? Are you’re a woman? Maybe a man? Is your race different? Religion? You are unique and there’s no doubt about that but guess what? We all have many disadvantages.  What you see as a blessing can be disadvantage do someone else.  

 

Playing the wrong cards

Why are we worrying such much about our disadvantages? Why are we so focused on problems, on our limiting beliefs? I don’t have what it takes. I don’t have time, skills, knowledge, money, self-confidence to do it? I’m not strong enough. I’m not disciplined enough. I don’t deserve it.  Why do we put so much emphasis on mental weakness, instead of mental strength? We constantly focus on what’s wrong with our life. Even at work we are conditioned to identify our weakness and find solutions, so we can get better with our weakness. Why we are playing the wrong cards?

 

Average

From the time you are little kids, you are told to work on your weakness and to be good all around. Your parents expect you to be good in every class. The biggest value to your parents, teachers, schools and even society is your grade point average. Average of your grades! Have you ever thought about it? What world are we really trying to build?  Do we really want to live in world of mediocre people? Average. Mediocre. Medium. Blend. Vanilla. Is that it?     

 

Remarkable

You know what? The player who’s good all-around would never be a star. A star is player who’s remarkable at this on, two or four things but really sucks at the rest. If you want to be remarkable at anything you need to shine. Why don’t you bet on your uniqueness? Why don’t you bet on our strengths, your passions? It’s not even your limiting beliefs, it’s your limiting vision of who you are and what you are capable of. ­­We are all remarkable most of us don’t know it just yet. 

 

Focus

You don’t just change your limiting beliefs. You have to change your entire focus of what you’re looking at. In most cases your focus is send straight to your limiting things instead of those empowering capabilities. How much time do you focus on your weakness and worries, determines your destiny. How much attention do you give to your capabilities, opportunities, your vision? Is it enough?

 

Frames

Removing your limiting beliefs is a great start but that’s only the first step. You’re going to need a lot more than that. What’s going to help you is changing your focus on something bigger and greater about yourself. Change your dominant frame and focus. If you truly want to initiate change you can start by paying attention to three frames below. Do it at least for a week. Give it a go. You will be surprised how different your life can be right away. 

Three frames:

1. Greatness.

What if you take your focus from all your weakness and your insecurities, that you always had, and put your attention on your Greatness. Next time a big problem or issue come up, don’t focus on how big or hard it’s going to be to overcome it and focus on how much capabilities and strengths you already have to solve it. Give more relative weight and duration to what you would do on your best performance, your best day, best meeting, best game, best workout. Focus on the best you can be right now.

What’s magnificent about you? What are you capable of? Expose your greatness. Expose your best side.

 

2. Aliveness.

Choose to focus on your aliveness. Be fully alive and present in the moment. Feel more grateful for your life. Allow yourself to feel alive. Don’t wait to be energetic, don’t look for it, generate it. The level of your vital energy depend only on you. Don’t be just a spectator to your life, be a leading star instead.

 

3. Love.

What if you start loving your life? How would it be to act from the feeling of love? Give yourself permission to love more fully again.

Almost all of us had broken heart once in our lifetime. No surprise, I had a very broken heart myself. Some of us deal with this better, than others. I was absolutely and entirely in the second group.

 

Broken life

When my finance at the time, now wife, and I broke off with each other after 6-years, I was crushed. Quite quickly I have realized that it was almost only my fault, but I couldn’t let it go. I was fighting for it. The more I tried to fixed it, the more I was pushing her away. She moved to a different city. Although we didn’t have any contact with each other for a long time, I still could get myself together.  My world was closing on me. Fast. In addition to my broken heart, I couldn’t find a full time job. I was working as intern in Tax Office, in a convenience store during the summer, then in autumn and winter on construction site repairing and renovating a bridges.

 

Emotional blockade

For that whole year I was not allowing myself to love any part of my life. All my emotions were instantly blocked at the gate. It took me over a year to heal up my mental wounds and open up for a new relationship. Thanks to my very close friend Marcin, I found new passion in working out. I started to love my life again and I was ready to love again. I was getting back my self-confidence. For many of you it takes even longer and I know it’s hard but you want to speed-up the healing process. There in so much about your life that’s worth loving and living for. You can always start from loving the smallest things like encounters with your friends, family, your job or at least certain parts of it. Going out, being active, growing or progressing in something and working on yourself. Allow yourself to love your life again.

 

Dominant frame

Let’s turn your dominant frame to how magnificent and remarkable you really are. Let’s turn focus and frame from your past to your future. All our psychological journeys to the past only benefits us if they bring us back to this moment and allow us to make better decisions and choices. Greatness, aliveness and love are in you, why not focus on them?  

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LIMITING BELIEFS

30 DAYS ON MENTAL DIET ISLAND

Posted Leave a commentPosted in 7 minute read
30 DAYS ON MENTAL DIET ISLAND

If you want to take the island, then burn your boats. With absolute commitment come the insights that create real victory – Tony Robbins

Equipment

As some of you know on the 5th of September I have started 30 day’s Mental Diet. 30 days on Mental Diet Island. It wasn’t a desert island and that was making it harder to stay there. Before I got there I had to throw some things into the ocean. I was not allowed to take things like gossip, judging, cursing, negativity, complaining or excuses with me. What I could take was smile, positive thinking, energy and 90 seconds grenade.

 

Documenting

It wasn’t anything new for me but for the first time I was documenting it on Snapchat and Instagram Stories. From 1 to 5 short movies a day and some additional pictures. Since I didn’t have much experience in recording myself while speaking this was a pretty big challenge for me, as you could see. Just like most of you I really don’t like to hear myself speak. While in my mind I had some much energy in my voice, on camera it sounded like I was falling asleep. While I was trying to speak calm, informative and with a scripted timbre and ton it sounded nothing like I wanted. Very quickly I came the conclusion that I’m not an actor and it’s a lot better just to be myself.

 

Walk the walk

Those moments when I was documenting all this on Snapchat and Instagram gave me this extra boost of energy. They allowed me to stay in line and on point with my plan for Mental Diet. When I was recording each video I had to take a step back and look on current experiences from a much further perspective. Since I was talking about being positive, smiling and not judging, gossiping complaining and not having excuses it was all over my mind. I had to eat my own dog food and there was no chance to fail in front all of you. If I was going to talk the talk, I had to walk the walk.

 

Up to a good start

Doing my morning routines gave me an incredible level of inner peace, patience and kept me looking towards on my goals and my vision.

Just to give you a quick recap of my morning routine:

  1. 3 min smile in front of the mirror smile (usually a fake smileJ) while thinking about 3 things I am grateful.
  2. 20 push-ups to wake up my body and get the blood flowing.
  3. 3 Visualization. Starting from my biggest task for today, then going further to my dreams and real vision.

I missed my morning routine only three times during those 30 days and every time it felt really hard. It made me feel impatient, rushed or anxious and that was something I really wanted to avoid. Executing with my morning routine did a great job in this department.

 

No excuses

Some days where better, others where a lot harder just like our life. But this was not an excuse for me. There was no place for a cheat day. No. I was all in. Feeling sick or tired? Not an excuse. Listening to screams of my baby girl for over 30 minutes? Not an excuse. Falling on my own plans? Not an excuse. It’s truly remarkable feeling to throw away all the excuses you had stashed in your closet. Once I got rid of them I had to and I start acting. Now it’s a total waste of time and energy for me to look for any excuses.

 

Divorce

Besides excuses I also had to divorced gossip, judging, negativity and complaining. Of course it’s not a fairy tale and it was not all perfect. But besides a few accidents it was a remarkable experience. If I could urge you to one thing this would be it. Stop complaining and judging people around you. Not judging others will allow you to develop a lot more empathy and that’s the first step to understanding them better. Complaining is the poison that we spread around our body. It’s eating us alive. It doesn’t serve anyone any good.  So why feed it?

 

Safety Valve

90 second rule was just a safety valve. I used it not more 5, maybe 7 times but it helped much more than that. It was always in my hindsight. It was always within my reach in case I would need it. That gave me incredible safety cushion and certainty that I can deal with everything.

 

Bright side

Looking on the brighter side of life was not as easy as it sounds in songs. Why?  Because we are wired differently. It’s a different life when life’s a gift every moment or when it’s not and you ‘re able to find the gift. This brain we all have is 2 million years old and it’s not design to make me or you happy. It’s design to make us survive. To survive we have to look for what could go wrong so the mind is always looking for what’s wrong. What’s wrong is always available. There is always something to feel upset about.  But so is what’s right. You really can rewire your nervous system so that you live in a place where gratitude, joy, the sense of grace and all those things that make us fully alive are in your life on a daily basis. If they’re not, you know what to do to bring them back. As oppose to hoping things go well, being pissed off when they don’t or feeling overwhelmed or stressed.  

 

Perspective

How do I didn’t get frustrated or angry? I took a step back and told myself: It’s not live and death. That’s just work. That’s just this or that. Don’t make it too important. Perspective is everything. Marcus Aurelius considered life as a hidden blessing. Mental Diet reassured me in believing that Marcus Aurelius was right. Now I’m totally convinced that life is a hidden blessing.

 

Beauty of life

No one teaches us to feel the beauty of life. We are not thought of being associated day in and day out even when it’s not going our way, even if we lose that deal, even if we don’t make that sale, even if our project gets crushed.  If you can find joy, pleasure and appreciation it those moments now you’ll have magnificent life and nothing is going to stop you. You will achieve more too because you have more energy and you are not sucked in with all those inner conflicts that pull the energy out of you. Then you have the energy for your wife, your husband, your kids, your business at the same level.

How do I have so much energy? Because I am not divided within myself. I’m aligned. I know what I’m after, who I am, I know what I want to create and I’m enjoying every moment of it.  Smile, enjoy it and don’t expect anything in return. 

 

Prove them wrong

There are always people telling you that you will not be able to do it. Forget it. It’s a stupid dream you have. Crazy vision. Don’t listen to the naysayers. Know where you are going.

If you think that you’re going to go, accomplish something really special, be the best at anything in the world and you think you can do it without working, you are making huge mistake. It’s going take a lots, lots of work. You will have to sacrifice a lot of things but there is nothing more valuable than being happy.

 

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BE GRATEFUL

Posted Leave a commentPosted in 4 minute read
BE GRATEFUL

Let us be grateful to people who make us happy, they are charming gardeners who make our souls blossom – Marcel Proust

Call to action

This is my very personal call to all of you.  Please be grateful for all the moments you have with your loved ones. Cherish your life. Do not put it for later. Every single moment is special. Stop for that brief moment every day. Think about all the things you are grateful for.  You can reach your goals but without enthusiasm for your life you will never be happy. Be grateful for all those little things. Things you do for others. Things they do for you and do not expect anything in return. Smile even if no one else does. Say I love you even if no one else does.

 

Every moment is precious.

When Jim Valvano, great college basketball coach, was accepting Arthur Ashe Courage Award presented by ESPN he said

BE GRATEFUL

Cancer can take away all my physical abilities. It cannot touch my mind, it cannot touch my soul and it cannot touch my heart. And those three things are going to carry on forever.

Many of us have people in our closest circle who are in serious physical or mental condition. Tell them how much you love them and what they really mean to you. Every moment is precious. We cannot get back or reverse time and that is the thing we regret the most. Time is our most precious resource.  

 

Grandma

I want to share with you a very personal story from my life. When I came back home from Denmark after working there for six weeks I was very happy and emotional to see my kids. On the next morning I went to visit my very sick Grandma. When I’ve dialed code on the intercom keyboard and I heard my mom’s voice.  She just said ‘Open’ but this was more than enough. I knew. I took the stairs to the third floor. Somehow subconsciously I didn’t want to take the elevator. This was an extremely long walk. I really hoped I will never get there. But I did. I had some hope left in me but it was crashed when my mom let me inside almost without a word. Priest was giving my loved Grandma last rites. Sadness and grief took over my body and soul. My Grandma was gone.

 

Iron Lady

Remorse came instantly. ‘I didn’t arrive on time to say goodbye. I should have visited her more often’. A day before I left to go to Denmark I met with Grandma. Her state was very serious. She had very serious type of cancer with metastasis. But for those 30 minutes we have spent together she was very communicative and happy to see me, as I was to see her. We were talking about my kids and Grandma’s early days. All her life she was a very strong person. Experiencing Second World War and working in German work camps in her early teenage years. As a young girl she lost her baby brother. All that made her into remarkable and mentally unbreakably human being.

 

No complain

Very rarely you could hear her complain, neither about her health nor anything else. She went through life as an independent, resolute and proud woman. But sickness makes all of us very dependent. Unfortunately, Grandma was suffering more and more but no one could do anything about it. My mom and my aunt were taking care of her and keeping her company till the end.  She passed away in the presence of her loving daughters in peace of her own home and bed. Being as safe and comfortable as possible. It is very hard for me to write all this but it is my own way to say goodbye to Grandma. ‘I will love you forever. We will meet someday again. Goodbye Grandma’.

 

Laugh. Smile. Cry

Now I urge you to visit or call your loved ones who are fighting with sickness. They need your help. Do it as soon as you can. Do not wait. Time is very precious, and we don’t know how much we have left.  Tell them how much you love them. Don’t keep your love inside. Share it.    

 

Live your life with passion. Laugh. Smile. Cry. Be enthusiastic every day.

Be grateful.

 

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HAPPINESS

Posted Leave a commentPosted in 4 minute read
HAPPINESS

There is no excuse to feel unhappy, upset or angry – !NOW!

Your choice

Our culture celebrates victimhood like never before. We celebrate people who are drama queens because it’s fun to watch on TV. People do it to get attention and to feel significant. But you don’t have to be that way. Be different. Chose happiness instead.

Make it your goal to meet the demands of the time, the demands of the moment with a smile on your face. Master your own mind, master your own attitude. You are the commander of your own attitude. You get to choose the energy that you feel and bring into a certain moment. You don’t have happiness, you don’t have joy, you choose to generate happiness, you chose to generate joy. The more energy you generate to serve or deal with the difficulties, the more you will respect yourself. The more you say I can handle this or I’ve got this, the less you will feel overwhelmed.

 

Progress

What really is happiness? My definition is extremely short. Happiness is progress. That’s it. If you’re constantly improving, getting better, getting closer you’re going to love it. You’re going to feel alive. On the other hand, you can be extremely successful but if you will stop growing you will start dying inside.

How do you feel when you get to your goal? Excited and fulfilled? Maybe for a month, a week or few days. What happens after that? You get used to your prize and it becomes just your everyday reality. If you don’t get better, if you don’t grow further, create another goal and progress towards your vision, you will not stay it the state of happiness.

 

It’s the climb not the peak

And there are really two kinds of people. You are either stressfully running after the instant prize or you joyfully climb yourself up. Step by step to your magnificent vision. Happiness isn’t in the peak. Happiness is the experience of climbing towards the peak. You set up that powerful vision, that great goal which is the peak, and then you go on a Journey that leads you there while you stay present to the moment on the journey.

 

More is not your answer

If you will turn your expectations for appreciation, the whole new world will appear instantly. If you cannot find happiness in this moment, in a conversation with a friend, looking in your wife’s eyes, being with your children, going for a run, if you cannot find it now, more money, more people, more love, more business, more anything is not give you that. It’s not going to give you more happiness. If you cannot do it here and now you are not going to do it there when you got more. So why don’t you do it now and have a rich life right now? You can decide to be happy now. Make your three decision(link) consciously. Happiness is a decision and choice. You really can have it now. Why don’t you do it now?

 

Step back

Your happiness starts right now. I left my job making good money, having two little kids, mortgage because I needed my mental health to be happy. I was willing to take a step back and I believe that in a 7-year period I won.

When people are 60 or 90 they don’t care about it. We would be surprised how little it matters.   

Unbelievable happiness comes from self-belief and recognizing how this’ll play out.

Please take a step back and realize how awesome life actually is.

 

Make yourself happy first

There are some many people not doing what they love because they are worried about what other people think. When you’re playing a different game then everybody else peer pressure doesn’t even have a shot at you. Love yourself first and feel good with yourself first.

Start building those skills and don’t listen to your parents, your teachers, your friends. Respect it but don’t let anybody impose their way on you. It’s you. You’re with yourself for ever and make yourself happy first.

 

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happiness

MENTAL DIET

Posted Leave a commentPosted in 7 minute read
mental diet
MENTAL DIET

Attitude is that little thing that makes a big difference – Winston Churchill

I know that just hearing the world ‘diet’ puts most people in the state of disbelief or laughter. Isn’t that right? Either you or someone close to you have tried some kind of diet and it probably didn’t work. We live in the time when almost every day we hear about newly discovered diet. Eat only this or don’t eat that. Paleo, Ducan, New Atkon, Low carb, Keto, Raw and on and on. I don’t know how about you but I just make it fly by me.

The thing you are about to read and learn is something you haven’t heard before. Mental Diet.

 

Emotional conditioning

We need to start from concentrating on your good emotions. When do you usually feel good? Is there something that needs to happen for you to feel good? General majority of us feel good when something good happens. We wait for that moment. What about the space in between those moments? How do you feel than? Most of the time we are on emotional stand by. We hope for the best but we wait and rely on outside events. We give away control over our emotions very easily. Quite often we go up and down, over and over again.

 

No reason

Could we grasp those positive emotions for a longer time? Not only we can do it, we have to do it. We can’t let our environment to control us. Of course we are not able to control outside events but we can fully control our emotions. You don’t need an excuse to feel good. You can feel great for no good reason. Just like that. Most people would think that sounds really naive.

 

Why do we need Mental Diet?

You may think is naive to say that you don’t need a reason to feel great but it’s not. The situation is totally the other way around. Actually most people don’t need reason to feel bad. When you ask them How it’s going? They say I don’t feel good or I feel terrible. You ask again How come? And you hear I just woke up or It’s Monday or I have to go to work tomorrow. Sound familiar? The sad thing is we accept and even understand that kind of behaviors.  

 

Weirdo

If you ask someone else the same question How it’s going? and in reply you hear I feel great! How come? I don’t know, I just do! You think this guy needs to go psychiatrist. There’s got to be something seriously wrong with him or he’s just crazy. That’s the cultural conditioning we live in. We accept and understand people who feel sorry for themselves. On the other hand, we despise people who are positive no matter what.

 

Like a book

When you know what to look for it is quite easy to see how others are conditioned. Their body language, their facial expressions and verbal communication show their state.

Your mental state produces your emotions. Most of us know someone who looks angry all the time and who’s emotions go along with that state. Tomorrow at work play a game of watching body language of your colleges or clients. It’s fairly easy to fool your words but you have to be very conscious and skilled to fool your body. 

 

Happiness leaves clues

What about people who always smile? Happy-go-lucky ones, those irrational happy dreamers? They live in that state and their life is filled with fun and joy. When you are angry you will do things that will make you angrier. When you are sad you will do things that makes you even more sad. When you are conditioned to be happy you look for clues to feed your positive emotions. Happiness becomes your habit.

 

Mental Diet

The way to develop a habit is to go on a Mental Diet. Do not allow yourself to hold a negative feeling, a negative though for seven straight days. Day and night. Even when it gets tough. Even when somebody disappoints you. Even when you get frustrated. Even when you give your all and it ends up lousy.

 

Three decisions

Before going on a Mental Diet you have to understand how you are wired. If you haven’t read Three Decisions you make please do and you raise your awareness.  In brief words we are aware that we can’t control all events and things happening around us. But what we can control is what that things mean to us. What emotions we feel towards them. This is another thing I learned from listing to Tony Robbins. This guy is huge. He such a humble and inspiring human being. Listen to him, learn from him. Do it again and again. I promise you will catch what I meant here. My friend Ania told me about Tony. Listing to him inspired and changed my life like nothing else. If it wasn’t for him I would still be living in frustration, stress and hopelessness. He was my external detonator and I wish you to find one too.

 

What is Mental Diet?

In the simplest words it is an emotional discipline. You don’t allow yourself to say or think negative things.  Every time new negative emotion come up I immediately remind myself that I’m on a diet and I don’t consume those things anymore. They are not good for me. I have conditioned myself to focus on my commitment to be on a diet. Sometimes I even say it out loud. That is wonderful feeling. Of course it is not all perfect but I’m getting there. Step by step.

 

5 sins

There are 5 habits you are not allowed to take on your Mental Diet. Habits we can all fall into.

1. Gossip

Speaking ill of somebody who is not present. Instead focus on positive facts.

2. Judging 

It is very hard to bond and interact with somebody if you know you are being judged. Have your own opinion, don’t take everything for granted and don’t agree with everything but tolerant, respectful and don’t judge.  

3. Negativity 

Negativity is a poison to your mind. We all know people who tend to squeeze negativity out of everything. It’s hard to listen to them. If you surround yourself with negative people you will become one very quickly. Make positive attitude your habit and you’ll see what a great difference it will bring to your life.

4. Complaining

We are masters of complaining about work, weather, economy, politics and any other topic. Complaining is viral misery. Once and for all stop complaining, accept reality and look for opportunities.

5. Excuses

Some people throw blame wherever they can. They pass it on to everybody else and don’t take responsibility for their actions. Take responsibility as quickly as possible and slay the blame dragon while his little.

 

Monitor note

One of the things that I have used during my Mental diet to help me last with my plan was a little, simple note on my monitor at work, that said Mental Diet. Every time something or someone got close to making my anxious I was looking on this note and it reminding myself of my commitment. Commitment of creating that habit. With every next day I was using it less and less. It was on my monitor a long after that and I used it at least three times a day. If I am already angry or frustrated I allow myself to stay in that state for 90 seconds. 90 seconds and I am done. It works perfectly. Simple and effective anchors to trigger habits.  

 

No excuse

The main cause of any unhappiness is never the situations itself but it’s always our thoughts about it. That idea comes from Eckhart Tolle ‘New Earth’. There is literally no excuse to feel unhappy, upset, angry and so on. You can have full control over your response.  

 

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THREE DECISIONS YOU MAKE

Posted Leave a commentPosted in 5 minute read
THREE DECISIONS YOU MAKE
THREE DECISIONS YOU MAKE

It is in your moments of decision that your destiny is shaped – Tony Robbins

So many of us are so focused on making the right decision that we end up not making any at all. That state of decision-making impotency turns out to be your decision. As Tony Robbins says Not making decision is still a decision. The tough decisions are the ones that you really need to make. They are the ones that can change the direction of your actions. Those decisions are your superpower. Besides those humongous decisions, hundred times a day you are making three tiny decisions that make you who you are. Believe it. The proof is in the pudding.

Three Questions

Every single moment of our life we are subconsciously making three decisions that shape our emotions, our attitude and our actions. We instantly go thru this process by asking three questions:

1. What do I focus on?

Do I focus on the down side or the upside? Do I worry or do I look for chances, lessons and growth? Whatever you are going to focus on you are going to experience. Almost always there is a positive side to every challenging situation you are going through. Some people focus on their own needs, others focus on other people needs.

Your focus is going to change the quality of your life completely. If you focus on what you cannot control that is going to raise your anger and frustration. You can either focus on why it didn’t work out or on the lesson you learned. Even if you focus on something that is made up and unreal, you are still going to feel it. If you are going to focus on what you’ve lost, you’re not going to feel what’ve earned or learned.  What you focus on equals what you feel.  

2. What does it mean?

What does it mean for me that I didn’t get that job, that I lost that game, that I got divorced? You literally label the meaning to everything that is happening to you. You can be frustrated and upset about the smallest things.

Few months ago I have broken a touch screen in my phone. Accidently I have dropped my phone on the sidewalk and the touch screen crushed into pieces. Somehow it looked more like a throw than a drop and that might be the reason for that outcome.

Due to my next article Mental Diet (coming soon) practices I allowed myself to be pissed off for 90 seconds. Thanks to that it didn’t affect me at all. That was a perfect test for me because just a year earlier this kind of thing would have made me extremely furious and disappointed. Back then it would take me hours or days to get over it. I was stressed and awfully impulsive but after listening twice to Tony Robbins’s Awaken the Giant Within I have decided to change many things in my life, not the least of which was my emotional state and my mindset. As it turns out it took me a year of hard work, practice and many, many failures to get to where I was. It’s still far from being perfect, but I’m very pleased with that level of progress. As most of things in life it is an ongoing process of practice, failures and learning.

3. How do I respond?

When you will come up with a meaning you will have a certain feeling about that and that will put you into the emotional state. From that state of emotions, you will decide what to do, how to act. There is an enormous difference about making the decision from the state of happiness, faith and confidence or the state of frustration, fear and insecurity. Be aware what is your state when you make any decision or interaction.

Different stories

Your eyes are only viewers but your brain is a recorder and projector that is running a second story over every picture. We all have very different filters and focal points in the same story. That is why so often we catch ourselves and our friends on telling the same story it two totally different ways. Focusing on different events, different people, giving it fact totally different meaning.

Be aware

Be aware how you write your stories. Be aware what meaning you give to events in your life. Be aware of your decisions. Don’t ever give fear the power to write your script. Make a conscious choice to perceive challenges as something beneficial so you can deal with them in the most productive way.

Three decision you make

After this instant process you will either give up or move forward. Are you going to blame somebody or are you going to change something? Those three decision you make will determine the true quality of your life.    Whatever you do is going to shape your destiny.

Thanks for reading! 🙂 If you enjoyed it, hit that heart button below and visit: http://nowisahabit.com