Need for acceptance
We as human being have a deep-seated need for love and connection (Uncertainty. Significance. Love). Sometimes this is even more a need for acceptance. We satisfy this need is many different ways. Let’s take a look how this can really determine how we will perceive ourselves.
When you are in school or when you are growing up it matters to people how you look. And then it matters to you because it matters to others. Why? Why does it matter how you look? Because if they don’t like you then who will? If they don’t except you then who will? Very often we value their opinion a lot more than our own and this won’t take us anywhere good.
Not good enough
I started believe that I was not good enough. I started to believe that I was a failure and that I will never ever be able to start a different carrier. It was such a deep belief that I thought to myself that I’m actually bad at everything I do. And I started to feel depressed. I though What kind of purpose do I have to live? Am I just here to live and to die? Is there no purpose to me to live?
Who do you believe?
There are somethings in life that are out of our control, that we can’t change and we have to live with it. The choice that we have is either to disregard them and keep on going or to give up. What are you going to believe? Are you going to believe in yourself or are you going to believe everybody else? Are you going to believe in everybody else’s judgment on you? Are you going to believe people saying that you are a failure and no one really likes and cares about you? People don’t even look in the eye. They ask you how you are and you say fine but you’re not fine. Don’t expect them to know the truth.
You have tried something new and you’ve failed. That’s not a big deal. Don’t beat yourself up. You are going to fail many but never get used to it. Take what you can from it and start all over again.
I know some failures are very painful. You almost feel like an outsider. It’s a very dark place. It might be the darkest place you have ever been. You’re sad, down and there is no light at the end of that tunnel. You ask yourself Why did this had to happen to me? It’s in this moment that you find out who you really are and what you are really about.
There is always a chance
Life is interesting. Life is a journey. You take step in this direction. You take steps in that direction and you get sort of lost along the way. Sometimes you fall down and you feel like you don’t have any strength to get back up. You put a mask on your face when you go back to school or work and you pretend that everything is all right when it’s not. You pretend that you got back up. You go home, lay in your bad and when no one is looking at you, when you don’t have to impress anybody and you are yourself, that’s when the fear comes in. Maybe you have doubt in your mind. Maybe you don’t know what’s going to happen. It really scares you. Maybe you are worried about what people think of you, what people say about you. Maybe that fear paralyzes you. It should be impossible for me to get back up but it’s not. I will try one hundred times to get up and if I fail one hundred times and give up do you think I’ll ever get up. If I fail I try again and again, and again. For as long as I try there is always a chance of getting up.
Who are you?
But I had to ask myself a couple questions. The first question was Who am I? It’s funny how people around sort of determine who you are but it’s always you who have to change yourself. You have a choice which step are you going to take today.
Most of us go through life with our brakes on, holding back, not giving all that we can, not sharing all that we have. Most of us go to our graves still holding on rather than releasing it because of past experiences, past defeats, past pain. We look back and say It didn’t work out then, it probably won’t work out now. While all it is, that it didn’t work out tonight. We have got to separate what we do from who we are.
I feel like we are all fighting two battles or two enemies at the same time as. One with the man across from you. The second is with the man inside of you. Once you control the one inside of you, the one outside doesn’t matter.
We are not handed anything. We earn everything. Every single day. Over and over again. We have to prove it. It’s in that moments of failures that we find out who we really are and what we are really about.
If I’m going to fall I don’t want to fall back on anything. I want to fall forward. At least that way I’m going see what I’m going to hit. Fall forward. Sometimes life will force you to become courageous.
Thomas Edison conducted one thousand failed experiments. The one thousand and one was the lightbulb. Fall forward.
Denzel Washington didn’t quit. He didn’t fall back. I walked out from one audition to prepare for the next audition and the next audition and the next audition. He continued to fail.
To get something you never had you have to do something you never did. You will fail at some point in your life. Except it. You will lose. You will embarrass yourself. You will suck at something. You’ve got to take risk and you heard that so many times. Fall forward.
Do you want to real how to overcome the fear of failure? Read more at OVERCOMING FEAR OF FAILURE. PART 1 and Part 2
Thanks for reading! 🙂
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