LIVING IN A BOX

Posted Leave a commentPosted in 3 minute read
Fly, you fools!

Many of us feel so tired there couldn’t possibly be any passion. When you are exhausted there is no passion. We don’t need to plan it for 4 weeks. We don’t need go through it again and again. We need to start running. We need to move. We live in society were nobody moves anymore.

 

Injuries

What are we like today? How do people get injured today? They don’t get injured smashing into people playing sports. They get injured typing, getting up from the bed, sitting in the car, picking up keys from the floor. That’s how people get injured because we don’t use our bodies anymore.

 

Different

We live in a box. Think about it. Think about our life’s today and how different it is from the way we were formed and made. To run. To hunt. To create. To procreate. To raise our children. To move. To form. To do all the things that make you use all of our body.

 

Box life

What do we do today? We wake up and we have this box life. We have a box breakfast. We get into box car. We drive to our box office. We get into box elevator. We don’t use the stairs, off curse. We work on a box computer. Type on a box. Talk to a box. We go into box room for meeting. We listen to music on a box. We have our box lunch. Drive our box home.  Or we get into box train or box subway. We get home to our box apartment. And then we turn on the box. We watch that box, we laugh and cry to that box. We get information and entertainment form a box. We message on the box. We get substitute of relationship on social media through the box.

 

Death in the box

Our box life fits perfectly into consumer culture. Everything perfectly set up for us to become ordinary box max.  Get to know your boxes, navigate through them and live your box life. Then die and get into your final box.

 

Breaking point

Many of us at some point of life reach a breaking point. We feel we need a break. We need a change. We are convinced that we are finally jumping outside of this box but it turns out we are replacing one box with another.   

 

JUMP!

It can feel overwhelming but if we will be very committed we can make it work. I won’t give you a recipe how to jump outside because I simply don’t have one. It’s different for each one of us. What I can tell you is that you’re going to fail many times trying to jump outside. But you have to stay committed, be determined and clear were you’re going.

 

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ONE PHONE CALL AWAY

Posted Leave a commentPosted in 5 minute read
ONE PHONE CALL AWAY

No one wants to die. Even the people who want to go to heaven don’t want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it – Steve Jobs

We are just a doctor’s visit away or phone call away from being starkly reminded with the fact of our own mortality or those closest to us. You must know how uncanny it is to suddenly be thrown out of the normal course of your life and just be given a full-time job of not dying or carrying for someone. We rarely think about it but it may happen to all of us.

 

Petty concerns

The one thing we tend to realize in moments like this it that we’ve wasted a lot of time when life was normal. It’s not just what we did with that time. It’s not just that we’ve spend too much time working or compulsively checking emails. It’s that we’ve cared about wrong things. It the moments like this we often regret what we’ve cared about. Our attention was bound up in petty concerns year after year when life was normal.

 

Forever?

Deep inside we all know it may come in an instant. Don’t you know that? Don’t you know that there’s going to come a day when you’ll be sick or someone close to you will die. You will look back on the kind of things that captured your attention and you will say What was I doing? You know this and yet if you’re like most people you’ll spend most of your time in life presuming you’re going to live forever.

 

Unexpectedly

We take for granted so much that everyday we’re just going to wake up and that we are going to go through the same routines get to see the same people. That those people are going to be there when we come home at night. That every day is going to be the same way like the other but right now when you’re reading this there are hundreds of people whose life was taken by surprise. Unexpectedly. 

 

Reaper will come

Even if you live to be hundred there’s not that my days in life. Way too many of us are trying to check the boxes of the things that do not really interest us. In doing that we’re wasting majority of our life. Shortly before his death Randy Pausch ‘We don't beat the Grim Reaper by living longer, we beat the Reaper by living well and living fully, for the Reaper will come for all of us. The question is what do we do between the time we are born and the time he shows up. It's too late to do all the things that you're gonna kinda get around to… It is not the things we do in life that we regret on our death bed. It is the things we do not. I assure you I've done a lot of really stupid things, and none of them bother me. All the mistakes, and all the dopey things, and all the times I was embarrassed — they don't matter. What matters is that I can kind of look back and say: Pretty much any time I got chance to do something cool I tried to grab for it — and that's where my solace comes from.’

 

Find you passion

You will need find your passion. Many of you have already done it, many of you will later, many of you may take to your thirties or forties, but don't give up on finding it. Right, then all you are doing is waiting for the reaper. Find your passion and follow it. And if there is anything that I have learned in life, you will not find that passion in things. And you will not find that passion in money. Because the more things and the more money you have, the more you will just look around and use that as the metric — and there will always be someone with more. Your passion must come from the things that fuel you from the inside. And honors and awards are nice things, but only to the extent that they regard real respect from your peers. And to be thought of well by people you think of more highly up is a tremendous honor I've been granted. Find your passion, and in my experience, no matter what you do at work or what you do in in official settings, that passion will be grounded in people. It will be grounded in the relationships you have with people and what they think of you when your time comes – Randy Pausch

 

Darkness

You see when are in that darkness you want to sit there and wait for the light to come. When you’re in that darkness it feels uncomfortable and the only way out is to step forward to face your fears, to become your own light. Make a decision right now that when you are going to be in that darkens you will remember the power of you. Nobody is going to take you out of that darkness. You have to push yourself out of it. When you have that bourdon upon you that’s when it’s time to fuel yourself up. There is a light somewhere. It may not be much light but it beats the darkness. You can’t beat death but you can beat death in life.  

 

3 things

Your disease does not define you. It can take all your physical abilities, but it cannot touch your mind, it cannot touch your heart and it cannot touch your soul. And those three things are going to carry on forever.

 

With passion

Realize that time is very precious to all of us. Neither of us knows how much we have left. Don’t give up. Don’t ever give up. Live your life with passion. Laugh. Think. Cry. Be enthusiastic every day. Be grateful for every day you have left.

Enjoy your life. Your life matters and it matters for a lot of people.

Love you Dad

ONE PHONE CALL AWAY

DEATH BY BAD CONVERSATION

Posted Leave a commentPosted in 7 minute read

Tip of the ice berg

Very soon you are going to sit at your Christmas table and spend time with your family. You will probably have to answer some of the same annoying or judgmental questions as a year before. What’s even worse you might be the one asking them. Asking those kind of question is just the tip of the bad conversation ice berg. This ice berg is actually able killing our positive mental state. Can you recall a situation when you were felling really great, you started a conversation and very soon you were felling angry and upset?

 

Conversations habits

Just like in any other aspect of life we all make mistakes during our conversations. But can we improve our conversation skills? If you know me at least a little bit already you know this question shouldn’t even be here. Of course, we can get better and improve them. It might take you a while to change the conversation habits that you have developed through your life but it is very possible.

There are some very common conversation sins we all can avoid during this coming Christmas. With a little self-reflection and self-awareness, you can avoid the death of your positive mental state from those bad conversation.

 

Adding value

But first you need to answer one question. What’s the purpose of any of your conversations? Not any given conversation, your conversation. Do you want to get or give some information, some kind of a feedback? Do you want to state your point of view or get something, straight? Do you want to make someone feel better? Maybe it’s about connecting with someone or strengthening that bond? Whatever it is there is one common reason for all that. In my opinion all conversations and interactions are about adding value. Adding and getting information, points of view, feedback, emotions, connection. Most people don’t even realize it and others keep forgetting about it.

 

Conversation narcissist

We know that in general conversations are about adding value and now it gets really tricky. Because most of people think it can only be done by talking. It’s a very slippery slope because there is a whole spectrum of ways to add value in a conversation besides that. If you are an extravert it’s very easy to become a conversation narcissist. A conversation narcissist love nothing more than to talk about himself.  The only reason they ask the other person a question like, “How was your weekend?” is so they can circle it back around to them again, “that’s nice…let me tell you about what happened to me…”. They rarely inquire seriously about the other person or ask follow up questions.

 

Wait to hear my story

I’ve been guilty of this one on more occasions than I wish to remember. Everyone involved in a conversation should get their time in the spotlight. Don’t interrupt someone when they are telling some anecdote or their view on what you are discussing to divert the attention back to yourself. Don’t hijack their story about work before it’s finished, to share your best work anecdote. Find a balance between listening and talking.

 

Parrot

How often do you find yourself just paraphrasing or repeating what the other person said? If someone says, “That movie was great!” do you say, “Yeah, that was a cool movie!”?  When we enter the parrot mode we act like and think we are having a conversation, but in reality, we rarely actually offer anything substantive. Of cures if we echo and paraphrase others in a small, deliberate fashion it can get us nice results. For instance, people will see us as similar to them and that will increase the level of trust in relationship. But relying only on echoing and paraphrasing others is very shortsighted and will make the relation extremely shallow. If you find yourself just echoing what people are saying, try to offer substantive opinions or observations as well.

 

Falling asleep

You may have most fascinating stories and opinions to share, but if your energy cannot support it, people may find you hard to listen to. Lacking energy or emotion when you talk can ruin your conversation faster than almost any other bad habit.  Good conversation needs to be alive. It should flow with energy between both sides. If you are not giving your energy, then you are probably subtracting from it. If we want people to be interested, we need to think of our voice as a roller coaster ride for them.

 

Toolbox

We have an amazing, incredible toolbox and yet it is a toolbox that very few people have ever opened. I would like to take out just a few tools for us to play with while we speak.

  1. Register

Falsetto register may not be very useful most of the time. Some of us talk up in our nose, most of us speak down in our throat but if you want weight you need to go down to your chest. We vote and chose people with lower voices because we associate depth with power and with authority.

  1. Prosody

It is the rhythm, the meta-language that we use in order to impart meaning. It’s root one for meaning in conversation. People who speak all on one note are quite hard to listen to. That’s where the word monotonic comes from. Monotone.

  1. Pace

You can get very excited by saying something really quickly or you can slow right down to emphasize. At the end of that is our old friend silence. There’s nothing wrong with a bit of silence in a talk, it there? It can be very powerful.

  1. Volume

You can get really excited by using high volume or you can have your listeners really pay attention by getting very quiet.  

 

Be aware of the tools you can use to get the conversation interesting. Vary your pace and your volume. Don’t let it be predictable.

 

Predictable Talker?

Let’s stick with predictability for a second.  Are you a Predictable Talker? Is everything you say serious and literal? Play around with your responses. The best conversation is playful and unpredictable.

Train your mind to start considering the unexpected responses.  Next time someone asks you a question or makes a comment, mentally think about what response would be unexpected or unpredictable (within reason!).  Once in a while, try one of these unexpected comments and see how you do.  You may surprise yourself.

 

Not listening

I like to listen. I have learned a great deal from listening carefully. Most people never listen - Ernest Hemingway

Don’t be like most people. Don’t just wait eagerly for your turn to talk. Put your own ego on the side-line. Learn to actually listen to what people are saying. When you start to really listen, you’ll pick up on loads of potential paths in the conversation. But avoid yes or no type of questions as they will not give you much depth.

 

Let them be a star

Don’t do it all at once. You’ll just feel confused and overwhelmed. The one thing that we can do right away that will instantly improve our conversations, is to be genuinely interested in the other person. When someone tells you something, keep the focus on them, ask follow up questions, let them be a star.

 

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DEATH BY BAD CONVERSATION

HOW TO STAY HUNGRY?

Posted Leave a commentPosted in 7 minute read
HOW TO STAY HUNGRY?

"Things may come to those who wait, but only the things left by those who hustle" – Abraham Lincoln

HOW TO STAY HUNGRY?

"...When I was young, there was an amazing publication called The Whole Earth Catalog, which was one of the bibles of my generation...It was sort of like Google in paperback form, 35 years before Google came along: it was idealistic, and overflowing with neat tools and great notions... Stewart and his team put out several issues of The Whole Earth Catalog, and then when it had run its course, they put out a final issue. It was the mid-1970s, and I was your age. On the back cover of their final issue was a photograph of an early morning country road, the kind you might find yourself hitchhiking on if you were so adventurous. Beneath it were the words: "Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish." It was their farewell message as they signed off...And I have always wished that for myself. And now, as you graduate to begin anew, I wish that for you. Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish." – Steve Jobs


Never get satisfied

The one thing most successful and happiest people have in common is hunger. That sounds very simplistic but I believe that’s the single most important element that separates the quality of people’s life’s. It’s not only the ability to have hunger. Hunger means that you want more. That you want more of yourself. You want to make a bigger difference. You want to be a better parent. You want to do something more than there is today and that you never get satisfied.

 

Born hungry

Most people start out with hunger in the early stage of life and they lose it. They get it back either because something happened, they had a birthday with the zero in it, they’ve gone through a divorce, they’re starting a business or they’re best in the world and they’re always looking for that edge that makes the difference.

 

How do we lose hunger?

Everybody is born with hunger. Deep inside of us there’s a desire to grow, to expand, to learn and then disappointment sets in early in life for most people. Then we look to blame something outside of ourselves. There are many events in our life that are going to affect us. We all had pain, failures, disappointments, challenges but it’s how we’re going to deal with them that really matter. It’s very easy to let it eat your hunger. Don’t ever let it happen. 

 

I can do it

I most difficult thing that I’ve done in my life was to believe that it is possible, that I can do more, that I have something valuable in myself, that I can grow, that I can do better and be better.

Have you ever thought about something you wanted to do and you talk yourself out of it? Do you want me to help you fix it? There is one thing you already know but you keep forgetting about it. You are going to die.

 

You’re going to die

I’m going to die. You’re going to die. We’re all going to die. That’s very clear, right? But we don’t think about every day and maybe we should? All the things we’re putting off for later will probably never going to happen. All the things you wish you’ve said, all the things you wish you’ve done are gone forever. Now, imagine yourself on the deathbed. Are you going to regret anything? Are those going to be the things you’ve done or the once you didn’t do? I will save you from guessing, The number one regret people have on the deathbed is: I wish I had a courage to live the live I was destined to live. That I had a purpose in life. I wish I’ve done all those things I wanted to.

 

Happiness and Hunger?

What happiness has got to do with hunger? To give you a hint we first nee to answer the question: What really is happiness?

My definition is extremely short. Happiness is progress. To be able to grow and make progress on a daily basis you’ve got to be constantly hungry. Once you stop being hungry, the game stops and you literally start dying.  That’s it. That’s so simple yet incredibly strong connection.

 

What happens once you hit your target?

If you’re constantly improving, getting better, getting closer you’re going to love it. You’re going to feel alive. On the other hand, you can be extremely successful but if you will stop growing you will start dying inside. How do you feel when you get to your goal? Excited and fulfilled for a month, a week or maybe few days. What happens after that? You get used to your prize and it becomes just your everyday reality. If you don’t get better, grow further, create another goal and get closer towards your vision, you will not stay it this state of happiness. 

 

Stay committed

If you want to be successful at anything in life never stop setting new goals. You need to do something that will make you committed to your dream. Being in action is the best state to commit to follow through. You are making that call, scheduling up a meeting, signing up for a course, buying a gym membership, going for that run. The bigger the action is going to be the bigger commitment it’s going to create. You’re doing something to set up structure and emotions to keep going towards your dream.

 

Decide everyday  

If you can’t summon up the energy, the excitement, the enthusiasm, the drive and the hunger for something then your life, your every day is going to be a struggle to wake up to. When you crawl out for underneath the covers every morning and you sit on the edge of the bed you have a choice before you. Decide to become actively involved in your goal, you vision, your dream. Explore different possibilities. Decide that you’re going to look at it and do just a little bit of it right now. Decide to do it now. 

 

Are you going to be here tomorrow?

Have you made it yet? Have you decided? What are you waiting for? You think you’ve got time but are you sure about it? Are sure you are going to be here tomorrow? I can tell you that I’m not sure if I will. How many people were here yesterday and are not here today? Many of them were sure just like you that they will be here today. There’s no guarantees you are going to show up tomorrow. There are a lot of opportunities that were around yesterday, there’re not here today.

 

What does it take to succeed?

Hunger is the single most important factor in success. You have to have a deep desire to go after your dream. You have to be hungry to succeed. People that are hungry are uncommon people. They have a vision to live a life of contribution and fulfilment.  They have a vision not to leave liabilities and grief but legacy and happiness. They are hungry to accomplish and give more. Those people are willing to do today the things others won’t do, because they envisioned at the same time that tomorrow they will have things others won’t have. Hungry people are relentless. They are unstoppable. They refuse to give up.

No excuse is acceptable.

You can wait but you already know what Abraham Lincoln said: Things may come to those who wait, but only the things left by those who hustle.

Stay hungry. Stay foolish. 

 

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HOW TO STAY HUNGRY?