WHY WE DON’T DO?

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WHY WE DON’T DO?

Knowing is not enough, we must apply. Willing is not enough, we must do – Bruce Lee

Sounds great but how to do it? First try to change the question you ask yourself from ‘What’s most important to me?’ to ‘What do my values needs to be to succeed? Values are the emotional states that we believe are most important for us to either experience or avoid. Values determines what you focus on. They control what you know and don’t know. They control what you do and don’t do. What’s important and what’s not. Values and beliefs are directly responsible for our neglect and procrastination. Values and beliefs are the place where we will find the answer to Why we don’t do.

 

Preferences

Every decision in your life is determined by your beliefs and values. So many of us like to declare out preferences and say out loud what we want. Unfortunately for us those preferences are far different from the preferences we actually reveal and actions we undertake. Success does not come from your talking. It comes from your actions. 

 

Leverage

How about inactions of others? Can you change people who don’t want to change? The answer is simple. Off course you can. All you need is the right kind of leverage. Some people rather die than let you tell them what to do but all of us have a leverage point. If you get enough leverage and if you interrupt the pattern you can make anyone to change. If you are conscious enough you can create a new pattern. If all it takes is leverage, why most people want do it?  Main source of that are your beliefs.

 

Insane beliefs

Can we have beliefs that make no sense, yet still believe them? Sure. The only way people change is when they associate it with enough pain or pleasure. And ideally both. If you are doing something constantly and every time you get more and more pain, you will get to a point when you must change. On the other hand, getting pleasure fuels the process of change. It is like with a glass of soda. After drinking the first one you will want more and more. Drinking more soda will not make your thirst go away.  You need to break that pattern and go for water not soda. At first it might not give you the taste you expect but it the long run you will really enjoy the outcome.

 

Weak Foundations

With every next experience your beliefs are getting stronger. Remember you are like a magnificent building and your beliefs are your foundations. You can be remarkable design with outstanding facade but if you are built on weak foundations, pillars or in a swampy area, you will collapse spectacularly. Take care of your foundations. Take care of your beliefs.

 

Pain and Pleasure links

What equals pain and what equals pleasure is deeply wired in your nervous system. In order to change you need to change what you link pain and pleasure within your nervous system, not just in your head. Very often you know what to do but you still don’t do it. Sounds familiar? It means that links to your nervous system took over. Some of you link pain to the things you need to do, like making that phone calls, like exercising, asking for help, going to work or coming home. Sometimes you escape making a change because you think how good it was in the past. If your present is painful you escape to the past to run from the pressure to change or you escape to the future because no one knows exactly how it’s going to go. But if your brain links that it is was painful in the past, it is painful now and it will be painful in the future, the change will happen instantly.

 

Past outcomes

How much do you think your past outcomes alter your future decision and actions? We love to think we have a freewill to do whatever and whenever we want. The truth of the matter is that most of us are massively hardwired to our past and it’s an excellent prognostic for our future. It happens for one reason only. One reason. We allow our past to be an unconquerable limitation. It deforms our beliefs. It restricts our thoughts. It destroys our actions. Don’t let our past to destroy our future. Leave your past behind you.

 

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LIMITING BELIEFS

Posted Leave a commentPosted in 6 minute read
LIMITING BELIEFS

Beliefs have power to create and the power to destroy – Tony Robbins

From the time we are born we all have and experience different disadvantages. What’s your disadvantage? Are you dyslectic? Are you from a small town? Are you an immigrant?  Did you have a tough childhood? Have you been raised in a broken family? Are you short? Are your tall? Are you’re a woman? Maybe a man? Is your race different? Religion? You are unique and there’s no doubt about that but guess what? We all have many disadvantages.  What you see as a blessing can be disadvantage do someone else.  

 

Playing the wrong cards

Why are we worrying such much about our disadvantages? Why are we so focused on problems, on our limiting beliefs? I don’t have what it takes. I don’t have time, skills, knowledge, money, self-confidence to do it? I’m not strong enough. I’m not disciplined enough. I don’t deserve it.  Why do we put so much emphasis on mental weakness, instead of mental strength? We constantly focus on what’s wrong with our life. Even at work we are conditioned to identify our weakness and find solutions, so we can get better with our weakness. Why we are playing the wrong cards?

 

Average

From the time you are little kids, you are told to work on your weakness and to be good all around. Your parents expect you to be good in every class. The biggest value to your parents, teachers, schools and even society is your grade point average. Average of your grades! Have you ever thought about it? What world are we really trying to build?  Do we really want to live in world of mediocre people? Average. Mediocre. Medium. Blend. Vanilla. Is that it?     

 

Remarkable

You know what? The player who’s good all-around would never be a star. A star is player who’s remarkable at this on, two or four things but really sucks at the rest. If you want to be remarkable at anything you need to shine. Why don’t you bet on your uniqueness? Why don’t you bet on our strengths, your passions? It’s not even your limiting beliefs, it’s your limiting vision of who you are and what you are capable of. ­­We are all remarkable most of us don’t know it just yet. 

 

Focus

You don’t just change your limiting beliefs. You have to change your entire focus of what you’re looking at. In most cases your focus is send straight to your limiting things instead of those empowering capabilities. How much time do you focus on your weakness and worries, determines your destiny. How much attention do you give to your capabilities, opportunities, your vision? Is it enough?

 

Frames

Removing your limiting beliefs is a great start but that’s only the first step. You’re going to need a lot more than that. What’s going to help you is changing your focus on something bigger and greater about yourself. Change your dominant frame and focus. If you truly want to initiate change you can start by paying attention to three frames below. Do it at least for a week. Give it a go. You will be surprised how different your life can be right away. 

Three frames:

1. Greatness.

What if you take your focus from all your weakness and your insecurities, that you always had, and put your attention on your Greatness. Next time a big problem or issue come up, don’t focus on how big or hard it’s going to be to overcome it and focus on how much capabilities and strengths you already have to solve it. Give more relative weight and duration to what you would do on your best performance, your best day, best meeting, best game, best workout. Focus on the best you can be right now.

What’s magnificent about you? What are you capable of? Expose your greatness. Expose your best side.

 

2. Aliveness.

Choose to focus on your aliveness. Be fully alive and present in the moment. Feel more grateful for your life. Allow yourself to feel alive. Don’t wait to be energetic, don’t look for it, generate it. The level of your vital energy depend only on you. Don’t be just a spectator to your life, be a leading star instead.

 

3. Love.

What if you start loving your life? How would it be to act from the feeling of love? Give yourself permission to love more fully again.

Almost all of us had broken heart once in our lifetime. No surprise, I had a very broken heart myself. Some of us deal with this better, than others. I was absolutely and entirely in the second group.

 

Broken life

When my finance at the time, now wife, and I broke off with each other after 6-years, I was crushed. Quite quickly I have realized that it was almost only my fault, but I couldn’t let it go. I was fighting for it. The more I tried to fixed it, the more I was pushing her away. She moved to a different city. Although we didn’t have any contact with each other for a long time, I still could get myself together.  My world was closing on me. Fast. In addition to my broken heart, I couldn’t find a full time job. I was working as intern in Tax Office, in a convenience store during the summer, then in autumn and winter on construction site repairing and renovating a bridges.

 

Emotional blockade

For that whole year I was not allowing myself to love any part of my life. All my emotions were instantly blocked at the gate. It took me over a year to heal up my mental wounds and open up for a new relationship. Thanks to my very close friend Marcin, I found new passion in working out. I started to love my life again and I was ready to love again. I was getting back my self-confidence. For many of you it takes even longer and I know it’s hard but you want to speed-up the healing process. There in so much about your life that’s worth loving and living for. You can always start from loving the smallest things like encounters with your friends, family, your job or at least certain parts of it. Going out, being active, growing or progressing in something and working on yourself. Allow yourself to love your life again.

 

Dominant frame

Let’s turn your dominant frame to how magnificent and remarkable you really are. Let’s turn focus and frame from your past to your future. All our psychological journeys to the past only benefits us if they bring us back to this moment and allow us to make better decisions and choices. Greatness, aliveness and love are in you, why not focus on them?  

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LIMITING BELIEFS

30 DAYS ON MENTAL DIET ISLAND

Posted Leave a commentPosted in 7 minute read
30 DAYS ON MENTAL DIET ISLAND

If you want to take the island, then burn your boats. With absolute commitment come the insights that create real victory – Tony Robbins

Equipment

As some of you know on the 5th of September I have started 30 day’s Mental Diet. 30 days on Mental Diet Island. It wasn’t a desert island and that was making it harder to stay there. Before I got there I had to throw some things into the ocean. I was not allowed to take things like gossip, judging, cursing, negativity, complaining or excuses with me. What I could take was smile, positive thinking, energy and 90 seconds grenade.

 

Documenting

It wasn’t anything new for me but for the first time I was documenting it on Snapchat and Instagram Stories. From 1 to 5 short movies a day and some additional pictures. Since I didn’t have much experience in recording myself while speaking this was a pretty big challenge for me, as you could see. Just like most of you I really don’t like to hear myself speak. While in my mind I had some much energy in my voice, on camera it sounded like I was falling asleep. While I was trying to speak calm, informative and with a scripted timbre and ton it sounded nothing like I wanted. Very quickly I came the conclusion that I’m not an actor and it’s a lot better just to be myself.

 

Walk the walk

Those moments when I was documenting all this on Snapchat and Instagram gave me this extra boost of energy. They allowed me to stay in line and on point with my plan for Mental Diet. When I was recording each video I had to take a step back and look on current experiences from a much further perspective. Since I was talking about being positive, smiling and not judging, gossiping complaining and not having excuses it was all over my mind. I had to eat my own dog food and there was no chance to fail in front all of you. If I was going to talk the talk, I had to walk the walk.

 

Up to a good start

Doing my morning routines gave me an incredible level of inner peace, patience and kept me looking towards on my goals and my vision.

Just to give you a quick recap of my morning routine:

  1. 3 min smile in front of the mirror smile (usually a fake smileJ) while thinking about 3 things I am grateful.
  2. 20 push-ups to wake up my body and get the blood flowing.
  3. 3 Visualization. Starting from my biggest task for today, then going further to my dreams and real vision.

I missed my morning routine only three times during those 30 days and every time it felt really hard. It made me feel impatient, rushed or anxious and that was something I really wanted to avoid. Executing with my morning routine did a great job in this department.

 

No excuses

Some days where better, others where a lot harder just like our life. But this was not an excuse for me. There was no place for a cheat day. No. I was all in. Feeling sick or tired? Not an excuse. Listening to screams of my baby girl for over 30 minutes? Not an excuse. Falling on my own plans? Not an excuse. It’s truly remarkable feeling to throw away all the excuses you had stashed in your closet. Once I got rid of them I had to and I start acting. Now it’s a total waste of time and energy for me to look for any excuses.

 

Divorce

Besides excuses I also had to divorced gossip, judging, negativity and complaining. Of course it’s not a fairy tale and it was not all perfect. But besides a few accidents it was a remarkable experience. If I could urge you to one thing this would be it. Stop complaining and judging people around you. Not judging others will allow you to develop a lot more empathy and that’s the first step to understanding them better. Complaining is the poison that we spread around our body. It’s eating us alive. It doesn’t serve anyone any good.  So why feed it?

 

Safety Valve

90 second rule was just a safety valve. I used it not more 5, maybe 7 times but it helped much more than that. It was always in my hindsight. It was always within my reach in case I would need it. That gave me incredible safety cushion and certainty that I can deal with everything.

 

Bright side

Looking on the brighter side of life was not as easy as it sounds in songs. Why?  Because we are wired differently. It’s a different life when life’s a gift every moment or when it’s not and you ‘re able to find the gift. This brain we all have is 2 million years old and it’s not design to make me or you happy. It’s design to make us survive. To survive we have to look for what could go wrong so the mind is always looking for what’s wrong. What’s wrong is always available. There is always something to feel upset about.  But so is what’s right. You really can rewire your nervous system so that you live in a place where gratitude, joy, the sense of grace and all those things that make us fully alive are in your life on a daily basis. If they’re not, you know what to do to bring them back. As oppose to hoping things go well, being pissed off when they don’t or feeling overwhelmed or stressed.  

 

Perspective

How do I didn’t get frustrated or angry? I took a step back and told myself: It’s not live and death. That’s just work. That’s just this or that. Don’t make it too important. Perspective is everything. Marcus Aurelius considered life as a hidden blessing. Mental Diet reassured me in believing that Marcus Aurelius was right. Now I’m totally convinced that life is a hidden blessing.

 

Beauty of life

No one teaches us to feel the beauty of life. We are not thought of being associated day in and day out even when it’s not going our way, even if we lose that deal, even if we don’t make that sale, even if our project gets crushed.  If you can find joy, pleasure and appreciation it those moments now you’ll have magnificent life and nothing is going to stop you. You will achieve more too because you have more energy and you are not sucked in with all those inner conflicts that pull the energy out of you. Then you have the energy for your wife, your husband, your kids, your business at the same level.

How do I have so much energy? Because I am not divided within myself. I’m aligned. I know what I’m after, who I am, I know what I want to create and I’m enjoying every moment of it.  Smile, enjoy it and don’t expect anything in return. 

 

Prove them wrong

There are always people telling you that you will not be able to do it. Forget it. It’s a stupid dream you have. Crazy vision. Don’t listen to the naysayers. Know where you are going.

If you think that you’re going to go, accomplish something really special, be the best at anything in the world and you think you can do it without working, you are making huge mistake. It’s going take a lots, lots of work. You will have to sacrifice a lot of things but there is nothing more valuable than being happy.

 

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BE GRATEFUL

Posted Leave a commentPosted in 4 minute read
BE GRATEFUL

Let us be grateful to people who make us happy, they are charming gardeners who make our souls blossom – Marcel Proust

Call to action

This is my very personal call to all of you.  Please be grateful for all the moments you have with your loved ones. Cherish your life. Do not put it for later. Every single moment is special. Stop for that brief moment every day. Think about all the things you are grateful for.  You can reach your goals but without enthusiasm for your life you will never be happy. Be grateful for all those little things. Things you do for others. Things they do for you and do not expect anything in return. Smile even if no one else does. Say I love you even if no one else does.

 

Every moment is precious.

When Jim Valvano, great college basketball coach, was accepting Arthur Ashe Courage Award presented by ESPN he said

BE GRATEFUL

Cancer can take away all my physical abilities. It cannot touch my mind, it cannot touch my soul and it cannot touch my heart. And those three things are going to carry on forever.

Many of us have people in our closest circle who are in serious physical or mental condition. Tell them how much you love them and what they really mean to you. Every moment is precious. We cannot get back or reverse time and that is the thing we regret the most. Time is our most precious resource.  

 

Grandma

I want to share with you a very personal story from my life. When I came back home from Denmark after working there for six weeks I was very happy and emotional to see my kids. On the next morning I went to visit my very sick Grandma. When I’ve dialed code on the intercom keyboard and I heard my mom’s voice.  She just said ‘Open’ but this was more than enough. I knew. I took the stairs to the third floor. Somehow subconsciously I didn’t want to take the elevator. This was an extremely long walk. I really hoped I will never get there. But I did. I had some hope left in me but it was crashed when my mom let me inside almost without a word. Priest was giving my loved Grandma last rites. Sadness and grief took over my body and soul. My Grandma was gone.

 

Iron Lady

Remorse came instantly. ‘I didn’t arrive on time to say goodbye. I should have visited her more often’. A day before I left to go to Denmark I met with Grandma. Her state was very serious. She had very serious type of cancer with metastasis. But for those 30 minutes we have spent together she was very communicative and happy to see me, as I was to see her. We were talking about my kids and Grandma’s early days. All her life she was a very strong person. Experiencing Second World War and working in German work camps in her early teenage years. As a young girl she lost her baby brother. All that made her into remarkable and mentally unbreakably human being.

 

No complain

Very rarely you could hear her complain, neither about her health nor anything else. She went through life as an independent, resolute and proud woman. But sickness makes all of us very dependent. Unfortunately, Grandma was suffering more and more but no one could do anything about it. My mom and my aunt were taking care of her and keeping her company till the end.  She passed away in the presence of her loving daughters in peace of her own home and bed. Being as safe and comfortable as possible. It is very hard for me to write all this but it is my own way to say goodbye to Grandma. ‘I will love you forever. We will meet someday again. Goodbye Grandma’.

 

Laugh. Smile. Cry

Now I urge you to visit or call your loved ones who are fighting with sickness. They need your help. Do it as soon as you can. Do not wait. Time is very precious, and we don’t know how much we have left.  Tell them how much you love them. Don’t keep your love inside. Share it.    

 

Live your life with passion. Laugh. Smile. Cry. Be enthusiastic every day.

Be grateful.

 

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WHAT TO DO WHEN YOU HIT A PLATEAU?

Posted Leave a commentPosted in 5 minute read
WHAT TO DO WHEN YOU HIT A PLATEAU?

There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them – Bruce Lee

Most of us do very well in beginning of a new endeavor­. We learn rapidly and we make huge leaps. Visible giant progress makes you excited and propel you even more. This lasts of a while and then you come to a point in which you hit a plateau. It means that now you’re taking the same amount of effort but you’re not getting the same effects and progress. Unfortunately, very often your performance, execution and efforts drop off and this usually happens because you either didn’t bring enough emotions to the process or didn’t get enough repetitions. What to do when you hit a Plateau?

 

Plateau

As George Leonard writes in his great book ‘Mastery’, your success will look like a plateau. Most of your journey on your path to mastery will be spent on different plateaus. Sometimes you have to wait for months to see any kind of progress. Then at some point you experience a quick quality jump, a short progress curve.  After that brief, sometimes quite high, quality jump there might come a short regress time and it’s essential for you to see that the new plateau is higher than your previous one. That is how growth actually happen. You work really hard for an extensive period of time and then you jump to a higher level.

That’s a greatest moment to separate the wheat from the chaff. The vast majority of people are not fully committed. Well, they think they are when they see progress but when they don’t doubts come to play a serious part.

 

New endeavor

What happen when you take on a new endeavor. Let’s take squash for example. When you start you are totally green, you have no skills whatsoever. You don’t know the rules, you don’t know how to hold a racket, you have no technique, you have no strategy for a game. There is really nothing to start with. Within short period of time and a little bit of training you get pretty good. It relatively easy to make huge progress. You compare yourself to people who train four times more than you do and you don’t see such a big difference. You get to a conclusion that you must be better, more talented than they are since you’ve got to their level a lot faster. Then out of nowhere you hit a plateau. This cause disappointment and frustration. If you are not fully committed, you will decide to quit shortly after hitting plateau. While your ego is not stimulated anymore, you will end up making up a new story for yourself:  This is obviously the wrong sport or a profession for me. That’s just not for me. I don’t have it in me. The very moment your ego feels bored, you quit.  You look for and start a new passion. This goes on again. Huge progress, progress, progress, plateau, doubts, quitting.

 

My lack of perseverance

It will not come to you as a surprise but this was my story with sports. I loved sports all my life. I was actually doing so many of them I could probably beat you in 8 or 9 out of 10. Yes, I’m pretty sure about it and I know it sound cocky.  My motivation and excitement were very high from the beginning every single time. Squeezing and digesting every information, every inside. This was going on for at least a year or two. Sometimes longer. After that time, I was either losing my motivation and drive or something external happened and I’ve quit. This happened with karate, indoor soccer, tennis, volleyball, basketball, krav maga, running, swimming, working out, squash, just to name a few. In most of the cases I wasn’t making a conscious decision to quit and I was not aware of hitting plateau. But ignorance and unawareness won’t protect you from failure. I was hitting a plateau, then quitting and then finding a new passion.

 

Are you ready to hit plateau?

In the same situation the best people in those sports, the true masters expect problems to come. They are mentally ready to hit a plateau. What is the reason to be furious or disappointed at something that is so inevitable? Regardless of your plans or desires it is going to happen. Most successful people always find a way to go on and finally to break plateau after plateau. They are always certain there is a way. They look at others who already did it and they model their actions and beliefs. You can find tips and cues in every single success story. That’s a great way to jump ahead. 

Do you recall hitting a plateau? Are you ready for the next one?

 

Knowing the game

Somebody who knows the upcoming challenges can guide or mentor you. Those people who know the true reason for their own success are usually able to repeat this success time after time. They are still winning because they played that game before and they are modeling their own ingredients of success. If you know the road ahead, you have the power of anticipation not reaction. You will have enough time to solve the problems before they get any power over you.

If you struggle finding a mentor you can always look for people great in a very narrow thing, like speaking, coding or working out, to which you get access.

If you for any reason can do that as well look for digital mentors but be extra careful and aware who you choose to follow.

For last couple months I follow and breathe on Gary Vaynerchuk. I learn and listen to him during the day and put all that in action at night. It’s not about motivation, knowledge or inspiration. No. It’s only about going out there and actually DOING IT.    

 

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PATIENCE. PERSISTENCE. PRACTICE.

Posted Leave a commentPosted in 6 minute read
PATIENCE. PERSISTENCE. PRACTICE.

Patience, persistence and perspiration make an unbeatable combination for success – Napoleon Hill

Let’s say you have created that compelling vision we were talking about before. You thought through what your habits need to be. The level of your excitement and motivation is at its highest point. You have started your Journey and you practice your habits for a few weeks now. Everything is going great, you are in living your Journey but you cannot see any progress. You start to worry. Am I doing something wrong? Why I’m not progressing? Why I’m still so bad at it? When we start something new, very quickly we tend to look for any sign of progress. We are worried if you cannot find any. It supposed to be easier than it really is. After few hours of practice, we expect to be good at this. We want instant effect.

 

P&P – Patience and Persistence

Think about the time when you were learning any new skill, let’s say for example reading. It was probably long ago and since you’re reading this it means that you use that skill from time to time. Unfortunately, it’s not so obvious anymore. How long did it take you to be good at reading? Was it an hour, 5 hours, 10 hours? A day? A week? How about a month? No, it was a lot longer than that. You were practicing and practicing, hour after hour until you felt comfortable at reading. Your parents were encouraging you to keep on going. They said: Be patient. You’re going to learn. Keep on practicing.  They were convinced that you will succeed. Very often we forget about that when become adults. We forget about patience and persistence. We want it now and we want it easily. As silly as it sounds that’s the truth.

 

Practice! Practice! Practice!

What about learning how to drive a car? That should be a newer memory. Maybe it’s going to be easier for you to relate to. Were you a Formula 1 driver or even a taxi driver after a couple hours of practice? No way. But you didn’t stop practicing, did you? Did you saw massive results right away? Once you spend hundreds of hours behind the wheel it became your second nature. Well, for most of us. If you think about it for a minute, it was very complicated at the beginning. It required high level of focus and multitasking. You had to control the wheel, break, clutch, accelerator, road signs, situation on the road, other drivers and on and on. It seemed complicated but most of us became at least decent drivers. This is a great lesson most us of went through but it seems like we’ve got nothing out of it besides skill itself.  It should teach us that we need to be patient. Practice is not to be done once you become good, whereas it is required to become good. 

 

Talent is not everything

Another concept that is misinterpreted at the highest level is Talent. I believe talent is highly overrated and almost always it’s mistaken with hard work. On the other hand, hard work is grossly underpriced. Don’t get me wrong I believe in talent. It exists and its very important factor of success. It allows people to move faster and take bigger leaps towards success. But talent became one of the biggest excuses of our society. Talent without hours and hours of working on your craft will not get you anywhere. Most times what gets labeled as talent is hours and hours of hard work.

 

Potential

If you are indeed talented but you won’t be working your socks off, you will never be successful. Never. You will probably be off to a good start but you will never reach your potential. You will be one of those brief stories about wasted talent. We all know so many of them. Our friend form high school or college or our soccer team. We’ve seen it.  

 

Tenacity

While I was attending athletic high school there was a dedicated basketball class. They were playing really great and in the first year of high school they became national champions. Very quick success. Along those talented group of players were a guy who I was playing against just a year ago in a primary school game. He was not good at all.  Slow and not athletic enough. He had very little skills and even smaller understanding of the game. But he was on the team due to his size. I think he was about 200 cm (6 foot 7) in the 8th grade. That was quite a size for a high school kid in Poland. He was not the star of that high school team. During and after high school most of the players from that team went to play for a local team in one of the lower leagues. One by one they were resigning and jumping from that basketball train. Until he was the only one left. I don’t think you can say that he was very talented but what you must see is how persistent he was. He worked really hard. He didn’t quit. In 2015 he was the first player for that high school team who debuted in the highest ranked polish basketball league. That is a great example of the power of persistence and it can easily be an inspiration to keep on grinding. Results will come you just need to be patient.

 

What about results?

But how long do we have to wait for results? We often say or at least hear the statement I’m tired of waiting. All of us look out and search for progress. From the time we were little kids we were told that Hard work pays off. If you work hard you will see results. I believe this statement is both true and false. If you still think you will see progress, growth and improvement almost every day then you haven’t been paying attention to your life. It never works this way. It may happen by accident but then it’s not a permanent progress. Most of us just quit during the process because of our lack of patience.

Are you patient? How much time are you willing to wait for the results?

 

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EVERY LITTLE DECISION MATTERS

Posted Leave a commentPosted in 5 minute read
EVERY LITTLE DECISION MATTERS

Good habits are hard to form but easy to live with. Bad habits are easy to form but hard to live with – Ed Foreman.

A ritual or a habit is something you do consistently, usually at the same time, so it becomes automatic and unconscious. It actually takes about 30 days to form easier kind of habits. For harder, more complex ones it takes about 60 days in a row. After that time, it will be easier for you to do it, than not to do it. Is that so long? 30 to 60 days in the context of your entire life is just a blink of an eye. In the long run that life really is your every little decision matters.

Be aware that in the morning your willpower is at its strongest level so that is the best time to push yourself to act. Force yourself for the first 5 days and you will start to see that it eventually gets easier, and more and more automatic. Repetition. Repetition. Repetition.

 

Figure out yourself

Willpower doesn’t last but rituals can last a lifetime. You have some rituals in your life you have been doing for years, even though some of them don’t serve well. If you want a new life you need to change your habits. If you don’t know what are your current habits just ask the closest people around you and they will tell you in a hear bit. They probably know you better then you know yourself. They observe you. They study and evaluate you, and your actions. Are you surprised? Don’t be. Many of us spend most of our days thinking and talking about other people. But how much time do you spend on figuring out yourself? What drives you and gets you going? How do you operate? When you are most effective? There are some many other question to be asked but we never ask them. Start doing that right NOW!

 

Break it down

Break down your goals and desired behaviors into actionable items. Define them. You should also be very humble with yourself. Direction of your Journey is way more important than your partial results. Your Why is way more powerful than your goal. Habits are not about quick success. The longer it takes to succeed the longer it will last.

 

Micro-decisions

Habits are developed by making right decision in the beginning. It starts here! It starts from tons of micro-decisions done dozens of times a day. Rock by rock. Step by step. Day by day. Chose what’s good for you, not what just feels good.  All of you have those moments when your habits speak up for themselves. When you are at work and you see that vending machine with bunch of snacks or sodas. The voice inside you whispers: Hey, let’s have just one? It’s not going to hurt you. You’re not going to get overweight and unhealthy after eating just one snack. Well, we like to think that way. Just one. Why should I deny this pleasure to myself? We all need to enjoy life and have those little pleasures, don’t we?  You are right we need to enjoy life and have as many pleasures as we possibly can, but those little automatic behaviors have nothing to do with the real pleasure. How long does your happiness last when you eat a whole bar of chocolate every evening? A minute at large. Is it worth the results you will certainly get in the future? For me it’s not worth it. You’ve got to decide for yourself. There is nothing to discuss here.

 

40 000 steps

You allow your present self to hurt your future self. Don’t let it happen. We somehow like to think that success comes from taking huge leaps. Taking great risks and doing what is most important, am I right? From the perspective of this single act, it doesn’t really have any great consequences.  This one decision of eating that snack won’t really affect your health in any significant way. But your life is a marathon not a sprint. In that long run you are taking part, it’s really the only thing that matters. It takes about 40 000 steps on average to run a marathon, not a few humongous jumps.

 

Perseverance

The outcome of your run, your life and who you indeed become is the result of your every little decision compounded. Every little decision matters. The good news for you is that those little things are easy to do. It takes very little effort just make that choice. We are all capable of doing that. Believe me you can really do it. You can do it right NOW.

But the bad news is that since it’s so easy to do, it is also easy not to do, and just do what everybody else around you are doing. Let’s say you decide to do this little thing now. What will happen? You won’t be any healthier the next day, you won’t get the immediate result but after a year you would see huge benefits from it. It takes a lot of persistence and patience to see the results. The great thing is you can apply it to anything. Literally to whatever you want.  

 

Every little decision matters

You can do the things other people are doing all their life and say: It’s not like this little decision matters and you will externalize this unsuccessful mindset. The fact of the matter is that your little decisions make all the difference. Every little decision of yours, every practice, every sacrifice, every obstacle on the way will be compounded at the end. You are the final result of your actions and habits. Get your decision in line with your vision. The more you can do it the closer you will be to the person you really want to become. Take responsibility for where you are in life. Now is the best time to do it.  

 

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HABITS ARE YOUR WINGS

Posted Leave a commentPosted in 5 minute read
OVERCOMING FEAR OF FAILURE. PART 1

Until you spread your wings, you'll have no idea how far you can fly - Unknown

Your road to success is going to be just like a long flight. It won’t be a domestic 3-hour flight over lands you have seen before. No. Not even close. You will be flying over and landing in the deserts of motivation. You will crush it the jungles of failure. You will have to stop and fuel your tank in cold lands of pain. If you will be an arrogant and selfish pilot, you will land forever in the city of loneliness. 

If you want to end up somewhere else bear with me. First you need to have is a vision, a dream which will be the map to your destination. Motivation will make your plane take off, but to fly it and stay in the air you need to grow your wings, your solid foundation, your habits. Habits are your wings. Habits make you fly. To stay in the air and go towards your destination you need fill your tank constantly. Your positive emotions and attitude are your fuel. Trigger moments you’ve developed are your fuel pump. If you allow your tank to be empty you will stop, you will fail, you will crash. There is no doubt about that.

 

Rage

First step is to identify your emotional habits. You get what you tolerate. You say This is me. When all this is, is a habit. It’s a habit of how you look at life. How you use your body. The language that you use. My habit was to get mad every time something unexpected suddenly when very wrong. Especially, when it was not my fault. It doesn’t sound very good, but this was me. I had some moments when I was hitting and kicking the wall in a wild frenzy. Yep I’m not proud of that. I have even thrown my cellphone at work once. That mindset, that habit of momentary rage started long before my work in a bank. From when I can remember That was me. To fan the flames, I was always so competitive that I broke my tennis rackets in training couple times.

 

Lonely TNT

I was a walking time bomb. The funny thing is that I have never went to that state of being furious during a game, business call or a meeting. Never. Actually it happened only a few times in front of other people. The was due to the way I have subconsciously created my habit. It allowed me to get extremely mad only was I was by myself or with a person very close to me. All my friends including the closet ones always thought I was the uncommonly calm guy, who always keep himself cool. In almost all situations I was. The things, the problems which were making my friends stressed and frustrated were a piece of cake for me, but I had my own triggers and detonators. The biggest one was the unexpected change of my ‘so highly significant’ plans. Now it is hard for me to believe how deeply I was ingrained with that habit. This was causing so much pain to me and people closets to me. But I’ve never thought about getting it under control. I was not seeing it as a problem. It never crossed my mind. 

 

Get it under control

If you think closely and honestly about your life, about your reactions to different situations you will notice that you have your own negative habits. Sometimes even self-destructive like I had. I don’t want to hurt you, I want to make you aware of your reactions. Get them under control and then finally change them forever. To do it you need to train yourself psychically, the same way you train your body physically.

 

You get what you tolerate

All of us have bad days. That’s very normal. We often get frustrated but we don’t want to stay in that state.  It’s like a muscle and you choose to train yourself to be frustrated, stressed, or sad. We all need to avoid that kind of training. The more you do something the more wired you get. Instead you can condition yourself to feel passionate, strong, forgiving, humble, happy and strong. Don’t do what others do. Don’t settle for average. You get what you tolerate. It’s up to you regain control over your habits.

 

Designing new habits

Without working on, developing and preserving the best habits, it's impossible to succeed. But how to create new empowering habits?

First you need to clarify what your habit needs to look like to succeed. If you don’t know how to do it you, follow 4 steps below and write answers to each question.

  1. Choose an area of your life that you would like to improve, fix or build. Describe what that area looks like right now. What’s the reality? Be honest with yourself. How you want it to be and how it is now?
  2. There are certain rituals that got you here and will not let you go unless you break them apart. There usually is bunch of little things that you are doing consistently which sabotage your life. Write all the rituals that put you in the place you are now. What habits shaped your current circumstances? Now is the time to realize it and start making it right.
  3. Think about what is your dream, your vision for life? What is your irresistible fascination? What is your life’s destination? It’s about your vision, not anyone else. Don’t limit yourself. Be specific. You need to see it with your own eyes.
  4. Write down all the habits that will get you to your destination. What would you need to do differently each day to get where you want to be?

Now you can confront your reality with your desires. How does it look? Do your daily actions follow your words or your thoughts? Are you happy with your behaviors? Will it be enough?

 

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MOTIVATION IS NOT ENOUGH

Posted Leave a commentPosted in 7 minute read
motivation is enough
MOTIVATION IS NOT ENOUGH

Motivation is what gets you started. Habit is what keeps you going – Jim Rohn

I’ve learned on my own example what is the hidden power behind Decisions. I used to say I wanted to change my life (How to create change) but I never crossed the line in the sand. Many people fall into this trap just like I did. We say we want to change bur our actions show something completely different. We say we are motivated but motivation is not enough.

 

Decision

It doesn’t matter what you have started if you didn’t take to the end.

You don’t get in life what you want, you get what you are.  

What I can tell by my own experience is that it all starts when you DECIDE that there is no other way but your way. Paraphrasing words of Tony Robbins, you need to say to yourself: ‘I will not be a creature of circumstances I will be creator of my life’. Along your conscious decision there needs to come massive and consistent ACTION.

 

Misinterpretation

How do you think successful people get to where they are? Some of us subconsciously and others totally consciously misinterpret what we see in others. Well, not you, right?

Let’s think of an example. We all know a person who is calm, relaxed and purposeful. For most of us it might seem like those people are just like that. That’s just their character. There is nothing complicated to it, right?

Yes, that’s right. It easy I agree but we constantly fail to get it right. Every day we fail to recognize the hard work behind the outcome we see.

 

Unicorns

What we actually see is a result of conscious effort and self-control. Many people developed this habit in a very young age. Others are aware how their mind actually works and are able to control it. Many of those unicorns actually become massively successful. They know circumstances don’t make or change who you are, they just revel and magnify it. Why do you think we say: A friend in need is a friend in deed? That’s the easiest situation to see who’s who. Once you are in a serious need you’ll be able to match your friends action with their words. Your problems become the ultimate friendship test. Unfortunately, we all know so many people how didn’t pass it.

 

Motivation is not enough

Let’s say you’ve made that decision. You’re motivated to start, go all in, go all the way. Is motivation the only thing you need right now? Should you think about something else? What’s your next step?

Motivation by itself is not worth a penny. It will not take you anywhere. It will not get anything done. Motivation is not permanent just like eating and bathing.  Motivation gets you going, but what you need is action, discipline, commitment and strong habits. Motivation gets you going, but habit gets you to your outcome, your vision. Will motivation make you get up every morning at 4 or 5? NO but strong habits will.

 

Automatic behaviors

Most of you heard of habit, right? You know what habits are. But do you know everything you need to know to create and control them? Habits are defined as ‘behaviors done with little or no conscious thought’. They are deeply seeded automatic behaviors, triggered by certain anchors. Our life is full of habits and it’s about time you realize that.

 

Habit design

Outcomes throughout your life depend greatly on those daily habits. The most successful people are extremely aware of the power of habits. That is why their habits and daily routines are designed very specifically. They know what is making them act and perform on the highest level. They know their fuel and fire. They know what really gets them going.

 

How much time do you spend with you?

What is your fuel and fire? This is a very tricky question. It is not easy to give any answer and it’s even harder to get it right. To do it right you have to know yourself very well. Here we come to another very itchy subject for most of us. How much time do you spend just with yourself every day? You might say an hour, two hours or even more but that is so far from the truth. Cut off the time you spend in front of TV or your computer. This need to be silence time which you spend only with your thoughts. This is when you really get to know yourself. How about your average time now? It doesn’t look so good anymore, does it? 

 

Guaranteed benefits

This time is one of the biggest and certainly most profitable investment you can ever make. If you do it right in return for your time you will receive ideas, motivation, peace, joy, inner fire and success. Does it sound good enough as list of guaranteed benefits for this great product? So why haven’t you bought it yet?  

 

Why you are not in that game?

Everyone around you is trying to alter your behaviors and you’re not. You are the only person who’s not trying.  Are you surprised? The products and services you use habitually are designed to change or benefit from your habits. We all live in a world of infinite distractions trying to win our attention and the best companies are mastering this art. That is one of the greatest superpowers of today’s world. Those companies rely greatly on our daily routines and emotions. I can tell that once they get a hold of us we almost never disappoint them. Why? Because a great deal of your habits are externally manufactured by those companies. Those are habits you have created without your conscious approval so don’t feel guilty to change them. Even thou you are executing them every day they are not yours.

 

Shower without water

Having new goals without creating new habits is just like trying to shower without water. You will end up naked, cold, disappointed and no closer to your goal of being clean. Habits are the things that make you achieve your goal. Without constantly using that water you will end up lonely and unhappy.

Set up better habits, better routines, better strategies that you can run on a continual basis to keep you energize, enthusiastic and engaged. It’s easy to say, I know, but how to do it? One of the basic things is to set up trigger moments to activate your habits (Pull your triggers and Hack your triggers).

 

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FOUR MOST IMPORTANT THINGS IN LIFE

Posted Leave a commentPosted in 5 minute read
FOUR MOST IMPORTANT THINGS IN LIFE

It always seems impossible until it is done – Nelson Mandela

Conversation

I was just about to write something totally different but I’ve just reminded myself of a conversation I recently had with my friend and I couldn’t let it go by. I just couldn’t deny myself the pleasure of sharing this with you. I’m pretty sure you’re going to like it. Brace yourself. Serious wisdom is coming your way. You’re about to learn four most important things in life. Excited? You should be.

 

Timing is everything

Being fresh after running half-marathon in 30 °C, dehydrated and exhausted I was very eager and excited to be enlightened. You can imagine that there was never a better time.  

 

Table

I had been asked to take a look at the closet table. I ask you to do the same thing. 99 percent of you have a table at sight. What does all ordinary tables have in common? Most of them have four legs, right? A table need them to stand still. That was easy, right? No quantum physics behind it.

 

Parable

Now imagine your life as a table. Things get a little bit tricky. Your life needs four legs. Stay with me. Hold my hand and it will be a walk in the park. First leg reflects your family life, your relationships. Your table won’t stand for long without this leg. That is by far the most important leg for me but this is not my theory. Bear with me. The second leg represents your work. This is an enormous part of our life. If you hate and despise this leg it will not last for long. We need this leg. Third leg is responsible for your rest. Another very crucial element of our overall happiness. I think so far we can all agree on the three legs being perfectly placed. This way we came to the final point of this parable. The last leg. What can possibly be the last leg? Any thoughts? I don’t want to keep you questing. It’s not a leg for fun.

 

Final leg

The last leg is order. Seriously, what? Tidiness. Neatness. Cleanness. You’ve got it? Yes, that’s not a mistake. According to my friend this leg is as important as the other three. Well, it was a little bit strange to me but everybody has the right to have their own north star. Who am I to judge anyone else. Apparently this was a very a burning issue to my interlocutor so I kept on listening.

 

Rest and Order

As I been told my family’s table, meaning my wife’s and mine, has only two very strong legs. Family leg and work leg. No so bad, I though. This could sound like a praise coming for someone else’s mouth but not this time. Don’t get me wrong, I really like that person but this was not the end of this story. What’s obvious is that we are missing two legs. The Rest and Order legs. Almost like the First Order legs but not quite. This could be a NetFlix series Rest and Order

 

Lack of focus

Let’s go back to the story. Just to let you know our house is not dirty or neglected at all. Just saying. Again everybody has the right to have their own opinion. This point of view is not predicated on the dust and dirt flying around the house. No. It’s something totally different. Confused? I was too. This is based on the lack of order. A small mess in the cabinets in the kitchen and wardrobe in the bedroom. I admit this hasn’t been on my mind at all for the last couple months. There are also other misdemeanors. Plant are watered but few of them are not fertilized and taken care how they should be. That’s also right. The general though behind it was that our house is not organized as it should be. That we are not focused enough on those things. Right on point. I can agree with that with my eyes closed.

 

Two legs

After this parabl­e story ended I told my friend respect that it and the observation is right on. But I don’t see myself stretching time and I admit that our family, our kids and our work are all that matters to us. I admit I have neglected the rest leg a bit. But the order leg is totally out of my scope. I was not trying to change his opinion. I was just stating my point of view. But as you imagine there was not much space for conversation. I have been told that my table is not going to stand without having four equal legs. Two legs are not enough.

 

Your table

As you imagine I see it differently. If that really is the case I will redesign my table and it will be a two-leg table. It’s not possible? Well, I’m hundred perfect convinced that it is possible. It always seems impossible until it is done. This is my table. This is your table.

What I want you to take from this is that No one has the right to tell you how to live your life. Literally, no one. Not your mom. Not your dad. Your brother, Your sister. Your kid. Your mentor. Your hero. Not even your friend. No one. This is your life. Your life. I urge you to live it on your terms.     

 

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