LEARNING TO FLY

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This blog post is a recap of the last 20 month of my life and how I learned to fly.

Well, for starters didn’t see any of that coming. Even in my wildest dreams, I didn’t expect for this to happen. I didn’t expect to start this transformation, this Journey. I didn’t expect to grow so much on a personal level. I didn’t expect to get so confident, hopefully not cocky. I have developed so many new skills. I have taken and faced so many challenges. I have failed so many times and then started again. I have built so many valuable connection on all different levels. I have really started to enjoy going to job interviews. I have proved to myself that I really can be a different person. I can be proactive and energetic. I can be creative. It was probably the first time I have ever thought of myself as a creative person and it felt incredible. I have always tagged myself as a critical realist but it all changed drastically over the last 20 months. That’s just a tip of the iceberg. But let’s go back to the beginning of this Journey.

 

Living hell

As you know right now for almost four year I was working as a sales representative in one of the big banks. It was by far the toughest years of my life.  I had extremely bad days every second week, if I was lucky. If I wasn’t so lucky it could go on for days or weeks incessantly. For a long time, I was in a very dark place.

 

The Day

There was a specific day when I was still working there which I will never forget. It was by far the most important day of my life. The day of the Decision. I have listened to Tony Robbins audiobook Awaken the Giant Within twice in previous three months but nothing in that particular day showed how significant it will soon become. After very intense, stressful and embarrassing phone call with my boss I have said to my friends at work that it is my last day there. I will not be working here anymore. I’ve had it. Enough. Immediately I felt a mighty relief. Transcendental freedom. I felt powerful and in full control. My fear and my overwhelming stress were gone. I have never felt anything close to that before. It felt like reached the bottom and bounced back up. As cheesy as it sounds I saw a light and colors of life for the first time in many years. I went to be there for the next two weeks during the termination of agreement at my request. I was finally out. I have finally made the Decision and I’ve followed thru. Since than my life has changed in many aspects.

 

The chance

Without previous experience in the field, without any knowledge or education, being a little bit too old and over experienced I have been given a chance by one company. Dansk Supermarked. Little that I know how much this will change my life. The only thing that I was looking for at that time were normality, clear goals, stability and a little bit of peace of mind to do my job. The last thing that I was looking for was a chance to grow. Luckily, I found much more than just that.

 

Accountant

It’s not the job of being an accountant itself that gave me so much but there are few things that I need to mention. Besides everything that I was looking for like normality, clear goals and stability, I wanted to avoid one thing. Unnecessary stress. This stress free. It didn’t give me even  a bit None. Null. Zero. After experiences of previous four years this was a huge change, mighty relief and nice surprise for me. It turned out that you actually can live without being disregarded, offended and kicked in the face every day. This one thing allowed me to start getting back on my feet mentally. After four years of being devoured and destroyed my self-confidence was like a phoenix rising from the ashes. I have built my confidence to a level that I though was never possible for me.

 

The Hunger

The fact that I didn’t have to deal with all that madness gave me spare mental resources to develop and time to awake my hunger. Hunger for knowledge, for experiences, for different points of view. Without a special plan or vision in mind I was absorbing knowledge from many different fields. Accounting, economy, psychology, education, marketing, project management, new technologies and many more. What’s specially very funny I’ve learned much more about investing and how banking system works after I left it. Awakening of this hunger for knowledge allows me feel progress and growth on a daily basis. 

 

Eyes wide open

Along all this, I have become amazed be mindfulness and self-awareness, and the part they play in the quality of our life. It allowed me to enjoy and cherish the smallest things in life. Now my life and my happiness are truly in my hands and my hands only. Bit by bit, step by step, day by day, I learn to love my life even harder. Living consciously allowed me to enjoy every bit of life with my eyes wide open.

 

Learning to fail

First time in my life I started to take challenges not only to win but even more to fail and learn. I failed at a few different job interviews in and outside of the company. For a couple of month, I was working on two different business and failed. Day and night for about a month I was working on business plan without even trying to implement it. Starting many personal challenges and failing again and again. As trite as it sounds every failure brings a lesson. Sometimes very tiny but it’s always there. We have to be extremely persistent and determined to find it but it’s worth every try. 

 

I feel that I took to the best the chance that I have received and gave my best in return. It was just a start of a beautiful personal development Journey for me. This is how I fly. And I never want to give it up.  

 

Thanks for reading! 🙂
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LEARNING TO FLY IN 20 MONTHS)

OBSTACLE IS A CHANCE

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OBSTACLE IS A CHANCE

The impediment to actions advances actions. What stands in the way becomes the way – Marcus Aurelius

Don’t give up

Have you already started? Are you still going? Don’t give yourself a way out. You will hit many obstacles on the way, you will fall on your face, you will find yourself in the middle of the storm but you cannot stop. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and keep on going. Obstacle is a chance.

 

Chance to grow

You will trip and you will fall many time. Your Journey will be stacked with obstacles. It’s going to get easier once you face that fact. You can’t run away from all of your problems. They will catch you sooner or later and if you will give them time to grow they will get much bigger, deeper and stronger. Face your problems right away. Face them NOW. Use your problems, difficulties or issues as an opportunity to grow.

 

Three disciplines

Stoicism philosophy suggest that are three primary disciplines you can use when you stand before such problems:

1. Perception

The story you tell yourself about what you experience greatly impact what that thing will actually be for you. The meaning you’ll give it is the ultimate label. That label might stick with it forever. Remember that your perception is totally up to you.

2. Action

Respond with creativity, persistence, ingenuity. Not only think outside of the box but act as there were no boxes at all. Don’t worry about your limitations. You are not able to control everything around but remember that the most important thing is what you’re going to do about it. You can control any given situation by your actions. 

3. Will

The will is looking at the parts of our life that we don’t control.  We don’t control death, we don’t control that people might hurt us in life and quite often we might not be ready for that. I see that concept as a Harmony.  The discipline of Harmony is about building that inner fortitude and strength. Understanding our own mortality. There are things and causes bigger than us.

 

Three obstacles

Most of us face three major obstacles that stop us from advancing in life, reaching our goals and living to our potential. Let’s fight our inner enemies.

1. Indifference

You’ve got to battle with your own indifference. It’s easy to coast with everybody else. Especially if you’ve accomplished something extraordinary. Now the thought of well-deserved rest come to play. I’ve got to relax here, right? The key is not too long. The weeds will grow all over your plants if you rest too long. Don’t rest too long.

2. Indecision

You’ve got to make those decisions. The ones that don’t turn out to be good give you the experience to make better decisions. Don’t let much time without making some decisions. The ones you can make quickly, just make quickly. The ones that take time, take your time but get those decisions made. Don’t let indecision be an enemy that robs you of the future. Don’t let that happen. The ball is in your hands. Don’t give it away.

3. Doubt

There are doubts on outside. People doubt that Europe is going to make it. People doubt that UK is going to make it after the Brexit. People doubt that World is going to make it. But I’m asking you not to pick up all those doubts. I’m asking you to have some faith, to have some courage and believe. Drive your doubts into a small corner. Don’t let them loose like a mad dog and drive you into a small corner. Don’t doubt the future. Don’t doubt the possibilities. The most important one is: Don’t doubt the yourself. If I have the indestructible power to change my life so, do you. If I have the ability to change so, do you. If I have the ability to read so, do you. If I can discover, so can you. If I can grow, you can grow.

 

How to overcome doubts?

We wonder and doubt whether or not we are capable, whether or not we are worthy, whether or not we will succeed. We are doubtful because our past failures, because people are telling us we can’t do it. We are surrounded and constantly limited by doubts. It’s up to you to change yourself and your environment. You need to live in a world of certainty. If you don’t have a sense of certainty, the first time you get tempted, the first time you run into a challenge you will give up.

The only way to overcome your doubts is to face them. If you don’t face your doubts they will bring fear. That happens every day. It’s not about getting rid of doubt but it should never prevent you from taking action. Heroes have doubts and fears but they find courage do it anyway. Courage is not that big or great act. It all about having the belief in yourself to act. Believe in yourself more and that will bring more action.

 

Break that belief

We tend to delay doing the most important things. Why? Because know it will takes a lot of time and effort to do them. We are afraid to fail so we feel a lot safer not to try at all. Break that limiting belief. Take action NOW. Try. Willpower (Link) is like a muscle you can train and grow it but remember that it also gets tired. Do the most important things first in the morning before your willpower gets depleted.

What have you been delaying lately? What is it? Bring it up. Do it NOW.

 

Thanks for reading! 🙂
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WINTER IS COMING

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WINTER IS COMING

Tough times never last, but tough people do - Robert H. Schuller

Let’s face it’s not going to be easy. There is nothing easy about the thing you want to do. Tough times are going to come. Fear is going to come. Failure is going to come. Winter is going to come. That shouldn’t be a surprise because tough times were here before, right? Fear was here. Failure was here. So was winter but we always seem surprised and feel disappointed when it comes back. Why this keeps happening to us? I would risk saying that we are not prepared to what’s coming at us. Tough times are coming at us with a full blast. Winter is coming. So how can we prepare?

 

You are the reason

You need to develop strong enough reasons to follow through when it’s going to get tough. Your intention is everything. Nothing in your life happens without it. Nothing ever in life has been and never will be accomplish without it. There will be a million reasons why not but there’s one great reason WHY. It’s your vision. You are the reason you think the way you think, you are the reason you act the way you act, you are the reason the way you are. It’s up to you to change it what needs to be changed. Persevere and stay focused.

 

Skillset

Don’t criticize what you’ve got. Instead turn what you’ve got into the miracle of your future. Don’t wish it was easier, wish you were better. Don’t wish for less problems, wish for more skills. Sometimes your real dream will reveal itself once you start going towards your goal. Do not limit your belief or what you are capable of based on your skill set today. Your skill set today has nothing to do with whether or not you can accomplish your future vision. The important things are the skills you need to learn to get there. New routines, new habits, new friends, new mentors. Every big goal is impossible at first, but with every inch, with every step you take in becomes more and more possible.

 

Clean up your neglect

We tend to delay doing the most important things. Why? Because we know it will take a lot of time and effort to do them. We are afraid to fail so we feel a lot safer not to try at all. Break that limiting belief.  Clean up your neglect. How? If you feel you should work out and you could work out but you don’t work out, it’s a clear sign that you are on the wrong track. If you feel you should learn and could learn but you don’t learn, it’s a clear sign that you are on the wrong track. If you feel you should read and could read but you don’t read, it’s a clear sign that you are on the wrong track. Should call. Could call. Don’t call. On the wrong track. Should change. Could change. Don’t change. You are on the wrong track. Conversation you haven’t had, calls you didn’t make, hours you didn’t practice. Get that job done. Don’t let neglect destroy your day, Don’t let neglect destroy your future.

 

Do what you can

Go back and do what you can. If you do what you can then life will give you some extraordinary things to do. You start with the smallest of disciplines and do not neglect them and do not disregard them as being trifling. Everything matters. Everything is important. All disciplines affect each other. Do not disregard the smallest of disciplines. Do not neglect the smallest of disciplines and build on that foundation and you can have everything you can possibly want. Take care of your smallest disciplines one by one until you get to the bigger ones. By that time you’re going to have experience, knowledge and skillset to take care of the bigger issues.

 

How to prepare for winter?

What I can do about the upcoming winter of my life? What I can do about the challenges that I know I’m going to face? Here’s what you can do. You can get wiser and stronger. Wiser and stronger.  Come home smarter than you left. Go home with more ideas that you had. Next get stronger. You can develop the muscle. You can develop the courage muscle. You can develop the inspiration muscle. You can develop the discipline muscle. You can get stronger. Anybody can get stronger. You can develop the mental strength and ability to handle anything. After a while your friends might not even recognize you because of how strong you have become.

 

The key is not to wish for a better winter.  The key is to wish for more strength, more wisdom or courage and actually get better, get wiser, get stronger.

 

Thanks for reading! 🙂
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OVERCOMING FEAR OF FAILURE. PART 2

Posted Leave a commentPosted in 7 minute read
fear
Fear

Turning fear into fun is a gift of creativity – Joe Gebbia

PAIN AND PLEASURE

In the process of overcoming fear of failure, we have got to deal with pain first. We don’t avoid the real, physical or mental pain, we avoid what we link pain to. It’s up to us to decide what we want to be pleasurable or painful. Once we change the meaning we associate to the certain situation, we will literally feel it in our body. Our future it shaped to a great extent by pain and pleasure links we have created through our entire life. We have created very complex map of pain and pleasure links. If you’re not happy with your design, you have got to change it now and some things go.

LET IT GO

You are right if you think that is not going to be easy. It takes courage to let things go. Things that hurt you. Things that wounded you. Things that made you bleed. It takes courage to let them go. You have to have enough faith to believe that what is in front of you is greater than what was behind you. Stop thinking about your past, your past pain, your past failure. Focus totally on your future.

NECESSITY

You need to realize that you have to stop thinking about the pain you might experience. You are just afraid of failure but failure will come. Fear will come. Pain will come. But you’re not the first one. There were many people before who went through it and they have won that battle. Failure is a necessity of success. Just like pain is a necessity of growth.

WORST CASE SCENARIO

Defeating fear is the first step to success. One of the ways to do it is to divide a piece of paper into three vertical columns:

  1. Write all the things that could go wrong if you quit your job, if you make that big decision to start that company or whatever else is in your mind (give as many details as possible). What are the worst things that may happen if you do it?
  2. What are the things you could do to mitigate those risks. How can you decrease the likelihood of all those bad things­­? How can you prevent those things from happening? How can you prepare yourself for that?
  3. What you could do to get back to where you are now if those things happen? How long will it take you to get back? How much effort will it take?
IT’S TEMPORARY

Once you define with extreme clarity what you are really afraid of, you realize none of those things is permanent. Almost all of them are fairly easily reversible. Once you put your mighty fears on paper they become tiny speculations.

Knowing that will a massive relief before taking the next big step. Crossing the bridge.

LEARN YOUR LESSON

As said before so many of us do not act upon our plans and dreams because of fear of failure. We think every failed experiment is a step backward. In reality is totally different. There is no question to me that failing is very unpleasant and disappointing but it makes you aware of the holes in your game. You get used to this new situation. It’s the best learning experience you could ever ask for. Failing is 10 times better than not trying at all. But remember to fail fast and learn even faster. Failure is a progress in every sense of the word and you need to fail your way to successes.

4 STEPS OF DEALING WITH FAILURE

How to deal with failure? With a use of insides from the best experts in the process reverse engineering of human mind, especially Tony Robbins, I have created a best way for myself to handle with failure. My quick process of dealing with failure is divided into 4 steps:

  1. Acknowledge it. Accept the reality of this situation.
  2. Decide what it really means to you. Not what others make of it but what are the real implications. Is it really so bad?
  3. Learn from it. What can you take from this? What can you change next time?
  4. Leave it. Forget about it. Remember only the lesson not the experience.

This short formula works for me in case of both smaller and bigger setbacks.

STRESS OF CHANGE

Most of us live in the world which is very well organized. We do certain things, at a certain time with a certain people. It is our pond. It might be bigger or smaller but it’s our own. We know our ways around it. You know where to look and where to hide. Every once in a while, someone stirs the water on the surface, puts a new fish or change the water in your pond. Your world gets shaken a bit. Most of the time this causes unnecessary stress and fear but everything gets restored sooner than you expect it.

If you do learn to jump from pond to pond, from one environment to another, from one world to another, you will become fearless and unstoppable. You won’t worry anymore about the fear of failure or change. Change truly is the one thing that will never change.

FEED ON YOUR FEAR

I want you to understand me correctly, there is nothing wrong about being scared to fail but it’s wrong when it keeps you from doing what you really envisioned. Steven Pressfield calls it ‘Resistance’ in his book The War of Art. The level of Resistance you experience affects the clarity of your vision, your goal, your dream, you Journey. The more Resistance you experience, the surer you will be that it’s the best thing for your growth and development. The more scared you are of something you want to do, the more you need to do it to overcome your limitations. What are the things that you want to do, and are scared of? What are your limitations? What don’t you know? Figure out what it is and pursue it. If you know your limitations, you can adapt and succeed. If you don’t know them you are going to get hurt. You will see more growth and fulfillment from this journey than form anything else you could do I life.

It is never a problem to overshoot your potential because if you really want it you will find a way.

FAILURES DON’T DEFINE US

Failures aren’t pleasant but they are inevitable part of your success. Failures don’t define your success. Failures don’t define who you are. If you measure your life by how much money you make, by the place you live in, by the car you drive, by your job title, by your position in the corporation, by how you dress, by how you look or what you eat, if this is the kind of success you are looking for you are destined to be disappointed.

By failing and learning from your experience you are making progress. You get smarter and try again until you get it right. You can be sure that nothing works for the first time. Never. I see failure as a feedback on my actions. Put yourself in a position where you are forced to go forward and there is no other place to go. The true failure comes to the picture only when you stop trying. Believe in yourself. Go for growth and start your Journey. 

Are you able to overcome your fear now?

OVERCOMING FEAR OF FAILURE. PART 1

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OVERCOMING FEAR OF FAILURE. PART 1

Every master was once a disaster - T. Harv Eker

#ONE

What’s stopping you from taking action? Why do you keep procrastinating? The number one thing stopping all of us from taking any sort of action is fear of failure. We are engineered to avoid pain and we associate fear with pain. From our first days in schools we are being wired not to fail. Our modern societies prize and appreciate only the students who finish on the first try. How about those who make it last? Those who are overcoming fear of failure, fail ten times in a row but stay tenacious and keep on going?

IT’S OK

How to overcome fear of failure? Make it OK to fail. Failure means progress. Don’t be fearful of failing because that’s an inevitable part of learning. Fears are just simple thoughts that we turn into complex problems. We are rerunning the same problems over and over in our head. Rethinking it and not making any decision. What leads to associating pain to this matter. The true failure is not taking action at all. Lack of action is my worst fear.

LACK OF CONTROL

The number one reason for most of fears is lack of control over our mind and our mental state. If you don’t take full control over your mind, you are just simply sitting on a time bomb. I can assure you that if you don’t be conscious and deliberate in your actions, one-day this time bomb will explode. Then you will truly suffer. Then you will wish you did something earlier but it’s going to be too late.   

EXPOSE YOUR FEAR

Our capabilities are much more powerful than most of us think. We truly have the power to control our fear. Let’s start doing that from defining what is fear actually? What we are so scared of? What and how it’s going to hurt us? Once you answer to all those questions you will be able to understand it and then it will not be so scary anymore. The more you understand something, the more confidence you have in that area. Ignorance and unawareness are the fuel to that fear machine.

Stop pouring fuel into machine that is killing your action potential.  Stop thinking about your fear. Fear is not physical. The only place your fear exists is your mind. Nowhere else. Your mind. Change your mindset.

TYPES OF PAIN

We must change our focus. To be able to reorient our mindset we have to be aware of there are three types of pain that we fear:

 

1. Loss pain.

We fear that if we do this new thing or change any part of your life we will experience loss. Because of that we like to say: I don’t want to do it. I’m scared to try it because I might loss something that I like, I might loss my job, my relationship, my security, I might loss that predictability of my life. Part of reorienting your life is to start focusing on the things that you are going to gain instead of the things you are going to loss. I might loss the sense of security for a short period but in a long term I will gain freedom.  

 

2. Process pain.   

It’s hard to make any major change in life. Regardless of the area of your life the process of change is hard and it requires a lot of effort. Doing anything new is hard. I bet it was hard to learn to read, right? You probably don’t remember that. How about learning a new language? Swimming? Driving a car? Was it easy?

At first you don’t know how to do those thing. You don’t have any competency in those areas yet. Being a total newbie you don’t even know what you don’t know. You’re not sure how it’s going to go. It is all very scary, that’s why so many times we don’t take that risk and we don’t try to change.

Try to see that process of change as a game. Challenges as the best way to learn and develop new skills. It can be fun, joyful, and new. Look forward to the process change.  

 

3. Result pain.

In the end we fear the final effect is not going to be what we have expected. We think what if we do all those thing and we don’t succeed, we will be a failure. What happen then?

Many times we wonder What if the grass isn’t any greener there? What if it isn’t not any better?

Reframe that thinking and constantly focus on positive outcome. What are you going to gain? How great are you going to feel? How this will benefit your life? What’s going to be wonderful about it?