BUILDING SELF-ESTEEM

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BUILDING SELF-ESTEEM

Self-Esteem or Self-Confidence?

Well, both. What’s the difference between confidence and self-esteem? The definitions of the words self-esteem and self-confidence are often used interchangeably when referring to how people feel about themselves. People often talk about them together, but they’re actually very different. Sometimes they go along each other but that’s not always the case. Of course people who have high self-esteem can also be very self-confident. On the other hand, quite often people with extreme self-confidence can have a very low self-esteem.  

 

What is Self-Esteem?

Self-esteem refers to how you feel about yourself overall. How much esteem, positive regard or self-love you have. Self-esteem develops from experiences and situations that have shaped how you view yourself today.

 

What is Self-Confidence?

Self-confidence on the other hand is how you feel about your abilities. It can vary from situation to situation. Self-confidence is related to action.  It’s your belief that you can succeed at something. Your friend can be a confident that she is a good manager but she’s not at all that confident about speaking in public.

The other thing you have to have in mind that your self-confidence can sometimes be mistaken with arrogance. There is a very thin line between those two but being sincere and humble will help you stay on the good side of that line.

 

Can they go together?

As mentioned before there’s no doubt about it. When you love yourself, your self-esteem improves, which makes you more confident. When you are confident in areas of your life, you begin to increase your overall sense of esteem. You can work on both at the same time.

 

How to build Self-Confidence?

You all need to understand is that self-confidence is a skill. So you build it just like any other skill. You learn it. You practice it. And master it. Surprised? I know many people who actually would be very surprised and disappointed that it’s not something given to people and they just weren’t lucky enough to get it. They often think they were just not blessed with this gift so there’s nothing they can do about it. Until they change that belief they won’t do anything to build their self-confidence. Some of them never try to confront and change that belief.

 

It’s a skill

Without that skill you can never shine in any area of life. Some of the greatest athletes are shy in front of the camera but on the field they are as confident as a charging bull. Self-confidence is the ability to believe that you are able to accomplish anything you decide to. The odds, the difficulty, the adversity, it all does not matter. What really matter is that it can be learned. So what does it take to learn it?

Well, all it takes is one thing. Only one thing.

Repetition. Repetition. Repetition. No one is born self-confident. Just like anything else it takes time. It is a process. It is a Journey. 

 

THE SIX PILLARS OF SELF-ESTEEM

How to build Self-Esteem? There are 6 practices that can help you tremendously which where described in “The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem” written by Nathaniel Branden.

 

1. The practice of living consciously.

All of us have more knowledge than we normally are aware of. More wisdom than we use. More potential than typically shows up in our behavior. Unfortunately, most of us are sleep-walking thought our existence. We need to start paying attention to what we are actually doing. We need to act with a purpose and intention.

 

2. The practice of self-acceptance.

Improve what you can change and learn to accept what you can’t. Let me address a common issue. There are people who think that self-acceptance somehow goes against self-improvement. It’ doesn’t. In fact, self-improvement can only follow self-acceptance. Accept yourself. Accept your advantages. Accept your disadvantages and those you already can.

 

3. The practice of self-responsibility.

Very often people use a certain excuse to explain why they are doing what they’re doing or not doing anything. I don’t train because I have a medical condition. Does this ring a bell? Have you heard it before? That’s a very easy way out because there’s always something you could be doing to improve your fitness. Don’t give yourself this easy way out.

 

4. The practice of self-assertiveness.

Staying authentic to our true self under pressure. Be grounded in what you believe in. Don’t say you sort of believe in it. You need to fully stand for what you believe in. 100 % unapologetic. It doesn’t mean lacking social awareness or to be pushy and start converting other people to your beliefs. But don’t go against your authentic self.

 

5. The practice of living purposefully.

If you will live your life with a purpose you will have a higher self-esteem. That’s one of the reasons why athletes or entrepreneurs have such high self-esteem. They do what they do with a purpose in mind. Not only they know what’s at the end of that road, they see themselves already there. They know it’s going to be tough but that’s never the reason to stop.

 

6. The practice of personal integrity.

If you are going to act against what you believe in your inner voice will tell you over and over how worthless you are. Only you will know, but when it comes to self-esteem, your inner voice is the one that matters the most. You can’t have the voice in your head telling you how worthless you are and build self-esteem at the same time.

 

Notice how each pillar starts with ‘practice of’. Self-esteem is not something you build by reading this article, by reading a book or watching a video. Self-esteem, just like self-confidence, is a skill. It’s something you build by constant practice for the rest of your life. Repetition. Repetition. Repetition.

 

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BUILDING SELF-ESTEEM

WHEN TO START?

Posted Leave a commentPosted in 5 minute read
WHEN TO START?

Journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step – Lao Tzu

When to start? When it is a good time to start? What do you think about NOW? Why not NOW? There never was a better time. There never will be a better time. Take this vision, take this Journey. Don’t let it expire. Don’t let it die. Take this vision give it a new lease of life. Take it and ignite the fire inside of you until finally it becomes a flame that burns around your whole world. Jump on this Journey and change your dreams into your reality. Most of people already know it on some level but they still don’t take any action. They don’t do anything about it. Knowledge is power only when you put it into action. Otherwise it’s totally redundant.

 

Make discipline your superpower

Once you learn about the power of habits, it’s going to change your life. Your habits are the reflection of your discipline or lack of it (see Habits are your wings). Discipline is one of the most important things that we can develop in our life. It’s a major factor to self-reliance and willfulness get things done on a continual basis. Without those skills you’ll never get that great amount of momentum and progress towards what you really want.  

And I bet there are a lot of areas of your life that could benefit from being more discipline. What’s the first one coming to your mind?  It can be doing your creative work, working out more often or eating healthier food. Whatever you may think of. Make discipline your superpower. Make discipline a major force in your life because without it you will not be able to grow consistently. Discipline is inseparable and core component of your Journey.

 

Change your story

Furthermore, it is a continuing and unstoppable journey itself. If you truly want to get on this boat, once and for all you need to leave that island of I don’t feel like it today. You can really change your story and you change it now. Anyone can start the Journey. Anyone. It is not the question of Could you do it? It is the question of Would you do it? And Would you do it NOW?

Start your Journey NOW. No matter how small or big is the new habit you want to develop, trust me you can begin NOW. It’s not the size that’s the problem. The real snag is whether or not you will ever start your Journey and whether or not you will go on to continue no matter the odds. 

 

Today. Right away. NOW.

We all know that creating new disciplines and habits, as well as improving the ones that already exist, are the things that gets us going towards our vision. So why don’t we follow on that knowledge? Why do we keep on walking in the opposite direction of our dreams? Remember that it’s not about greatness when you start, it’s about starting to get to greatness.   You don’t have to be fit to start working out. You don’t have to be wealthy to start a wealth plan. Anyone can start the Journey. You can live the healthy, happy and wealthy life right NOW. It can begin today. Start your Journey NOW. If you think of a new idea, today is a day to begin the discipline of putting that idea into action. Arrange all those habits that you need. Set up your day as a long, exciting and busy start for your new life. Leave your despair, your fears, your guilt of the past and start going forward. Start Today. Start right away. Start NOW.

 

Show up every day

Start small. It’s never about how big you start. You don’t want to get overwhelmed on the first day or in the first week. What’s more important is not to quit when you don’t see results at the beginning. Don’t let yourself get disappointed because you were too focused on the outcome, instead of the learning process. Every step you take along the way, every failed experiment, will add up and get you closer to your destination. Show up every day, be there, get to work, get it done. 

 

Turn towards your dream

We all want to be successful in certain areas of life. At least one of them. You might not admit it, you might not be aware of that, but that’s how it is. Success is an imprint of your disciplines and your habits. It might be invisible and obscure image for now. But you have to be patient and persistent because the effect might come a little later. Be patient and it will come.  Every cloud has a silver lining. Discipline means turning away from something comfortable towards something totally different. From not exercising to exercising. From drinking soda to drinking water. From not saving to saving. From being miserable at work, to loving it.

 

Your opportunity is here right now

Being successful means to me to be able to respond and actually anticipate the invitation of an upcoming opportunity. There is always an opportunity to grow, to develop, to become and to progress. But the biggest, the most fulfilling of all successes is making your life what you want it to be. Now the big question is What do you really want from life? What do you really want?

 

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WHEN TO START?

5 PEOPLE YOU SPEND MOST TIME WITH

Posted Leave a commentPosted in 7 minute read
5 PEOPLE YOU SPEND MOST TIME WITH

You are the average of Five People you spend most time with – Jim Rohn

Who do you want to be? Do you want to be like your friends? Are your friends aiming to be the same kind of person you want to be?

People with whom you hang out with will shape who you will become. You truly are the by-product of the 5 people you spend most time with. Audit your inner circle. Audit the 5 people you spend most time with.

 

Don’t adapt to negativity

Quite often the condition of our motivation depends largely on our environment. Examples are everywhere. Let’s look at some of your friends, who have quite similar goals and dreams. They are working their tail off to get ahead. You see them grind and fight. How would it affect your motivations? Would you be more motivated? Would you try harder? Would you be doing more than now? I’m not talking about being envious. It’s about pushing yourself further. If you surround yourself with people who are constantly in a negative state, who complain and gossip, they are going to kill your energy, your motivation and your happiness. Just like that. The more time you will spend with them, the more you will be like they are. That is a clear downside of our ability to adapt. If you will go grab a coffee with a friend who is constantly complaining, unless you are very mindful and mentally aware, you will adapt and play to this tunes. Now tell me who is your dinner or coffee buddy?

 

Cut them off

It’s stunning how much you we are affected by the five or six closest people to us. The dramatic trigger to your emotional success is disproportionally dependent on the people around you.  Eliminate people who are demolishing your ecosystem and are holding you back. That’s tough. Easy for me to say, right? Yes it’s easy to say, but I actually did it. But here’s the punchline, it doesn’t make it any less true or any easier.

 

It’s about you!

It sounds harsh but you need to cut yourself off from those people, because they are unconsciously working against your vision, your dreams and your Journey. Of course it’s not their fault, much less it’s yours. To be quite honest it not about them it is all about you and your dream. It means that most of you would have to curb your relations and interactions with about half of them. If someone is really making you feel bad keep your relations very brief and deliberate. If they grizzle habitually don’t do the same thing just to comfort them. I know you think it’s polite but it doesn’t serve anyone. Neither you nor them. Don’t do the same thing. If someone is raging, keep your composure. If you friend is eating junk food, don’t do the same just to keep them company. Audit yourself. Are you guilty of that? Are those your behaviors?

 

Dictatorship

There is no place for democracy when it comes to your emotion. You have to rule your emotions with an iron fist. Harness your emotions and your behaviors. Be decisive.

Don’t let others to arbitrarily change your state. You need to be aware that your motivation comes from the state you are currently in. If you will let yourself to the mental state of disappointment, depression, failure or sadness, your motivation will vanish suddenly. You can actually make yourself happy or miserable regardless of what is happening around you.

Tranquil, composed and healthy both mental and physical states are essential to refueling your motivation. Your state is like a gas station with a direct connection to a drilling platform. You can have all that motivation hidden under the surface, in you and around you, but without distributing point you will not be able to use it.

 

What if it’s not so good?

It’s fair to say that it’s easy to be motivated when everything is going your way or according to your plan. What if your worst day happen? How do you keep believing in your vison?  What happens when the Journey gets really hard and challenging? When you don’t know what to do? When you are frustrated or scared? How do you keep believing?

 

Story of a scapegoat

My whole carrier in banking, almost 4 years of my life, looked exactly like that. I had extremely bad days every second week, if I was lucky. If I wasn’t so lucky it could go on for days or weeks incessantly. For a long time, a was in a very dark place. Unfortunately, as sad as it sounds this happens to really many people for all different reasons. We had that saying at work, that out of the a few banking branches under our boss there had to be at least one scapegoat. No exception. That was based on our years of observations, research and whining. We all went through it couple times. When you were a scapegoat you were in this special kind of spotlight and it wasn’t anything good. Your every step, every decision, every meeting, every sales call had been judged. Everything you were doing was a terrible failure, even if it was a great success in fact. Going to a toilet was your personal failure. There was nothing you could about it. You had to write few extra report every single day to show what you were doing and why you were such lousy bungler. If you were unlucky you could have been told by your colleagues what the boss was saying about you when you left the room. It could go on like that for a few weeks.

 

Verge of change

There were a few times when I felt that I was on a verge of quitting but I haven’t go through with that though. I haven’t made that decision. I wanted to, but I haven’t had guts to do it. The worst day was the concept of my whole professional life. Every day was my worst day. No dreams, no vision and no future. Until it all changed and I jumped from that edge. I have cut that safety net which was holding me back. Now I intentionally put myself in situations when I must struggle. I love to push myself further than anyone else I personally know. I push myself from he edge.

 

Are you entitled to anything?

A few generations ago struggle was something that was truly horned by others. People build their character during their days of grind and hard work. Nowadays we live in convenient driven society. We love to do everything what’s easy and we are incredibly convinced that we are entitled to everything. We don’t have to earn that promotion or raise at work, we don’t have to earn that great body, we don’t have to earn respect and attention, we don’t have to earn and learn new skills. With all that being said and I know that there is something in you that really wants it.  Whatever it might be you have to go after it right NOW.

 

You are going to pay the bill

Be aware that your motivation is an absolute resource. Remember to be extremely mindful about the things that influence and affect your motivation charge bar. Last but not least you are responsible of your drive. It’s totally up to you to keep that fire burning. Are you going to throw a huge party with an open bar for your emotions for a bunch of people who just came here to drink for free or if it’s going to be a smaller meeting for people who build you up and who came here to give best of them? Regardless what you chose, you are going to pay that bill. I highly recommend you to audit your inner circle.

 

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THE SECRET OF OVERNIGHT SUCCESS

Posted Leave a commentPosted in 5 minute read
overnight success nowisahabit

Keep that luck shit in your pocket – Gary Vaynerchuk

Let’s get one thing straight before we start. Overnight success is the biggest bullshit ever created and so many people believe in it. Things you call overnight success are an effect of weeks, months or years of preparation, hard work, countless failures, grind and hard work. Success doesn’t happen overnight.  That person started long ago before anyone could even see it. It was months or years in the making. Months or years of lonely hard work, countless hours of hustle, grind and gritting teeth. Months or years of no recognition, no prize, no support.

HUSTLE
overnight success nowisahbit

Many people are not achieving what they want and are lacking the patience and think everything happens overnight and that is coming at a cost of unhappy life – Gary Vaynerchuk

If you haven’t heard about Gary Vaynerchuk already, I urge all of you, who have dreams, who want to be something more, to go and delve into his hustle. I wasn’t paid or asked to write it, I’m just so happy I’ve run into Gary on YouTube. He’s such amazing inspiration that I want to share it with you. Go to his YouTube channel (below), watch #DailyVee  or #AskGaryVee and see for yourself. See what pure hustle and hard work looks like in real life. Then ask yourself Are you willing to do one-tenth of it? Is this what you really want? I know what is my answer.     

GRIND

You probably think I just started writing since this blog is so new. Well, I’ll disappoint you once more. It’s about 24 months in the making really. 24 months of learning, reading, writing and experimenting. It has really started from the mental shift I’ve made. Then came 6 months of working hard on a few different projects. Trying some many new things, researching, preparing, failing, investing ton of time. Waking up at 4.38 to write a business plan and financial forecast. Something I never done before and had very little knowledge about. It did not matter.

FAILURE

And how did it all go? Well, it didn’t go at all. Almost 12 months of hard work and meeting did not lead to any substantial results. None. We didn’t start that business. Most of you think what waste of time, right? You know what, not a minute of that time was waste. Not even a second. Did it hurt? Yes, it did. Was I disappointed? Yes. But it was one of the best practical lessons I’ve ever experienced. It was my personal academy of learning a load of new skills, developing strong habits and dedication.

The fun fact is that before, I’ve never consider myself creative, innovative or visionary. I’ve just thought that I don’t have it in me. It’s just not who I am. At first I’ve timidly peeked through a key whole to my creativity. Eventually I’ve not only opened that door but wrecked the entire wall. NOW I am creative. I am innovative. I am visionary. Hi, that’s Me.

GOING PUBLIC

About 6 months ago I’ve decided I’m going to write on a daily basis. At that point I was not thinking about running a blog. For those 6 months I was consuming knowledge, reading and listing very consciously. Getting inspired, thought and mentored during the day and writing in the evening. I was writing 6 days a week for 5 months. It was not easy at first. I wasn’t used to it. I was tough. There were many days I didn’t feel like it, I was just tired, I wanted to relax and watch a movie or my kids got sick. It was winter, it was cold and dark but I didn’t give it up. It was not an option.

For the first 30 days I forced to write at least one page a day. I’ve started from an hour a day, then hour and a half, two hours, going all the way to four hours lately. Now it’s mostly not writing but it’s still so much fun. After initial 30 days of struggle I don’t have to force myself any more. Now I wake up in the morning and start envisioning things I will be doing in the evening. Working on the web page with my wife, writing a post, setting up social media or working in Photoshop. Once I went all in it stopped being just a necessity and became my life.

OVERNIGHT JOURNEY

Your ‘Overnight’ Journey will take you years. But people will think you’ve just got lucky. They will just see the final product and disregard all the things you’ve sacrificed on the way. The best things you can do is to leave of expectation towards other people on the start line. It will sound very cynically but don’t expect any help. Don’t expect any support. Don’t expect to cuddled. It will be lonely. It will be long. It will be hard. But this is your ‘Overnight’ Journey.

MAGIC FORMULA

Posted Leave a commentPosted in 4 minute read
OVERCOMING FEAR OF FAILURE. PART 1

You don’t run 26 miles at five minutes a mile on good looks and secret recipe – Frank Shorter

Do you believe in magic in a real life? Do you believe in wizards and fairies? How about magic wand? Do you really think it only takes one great shot to hit all those different targets? No? So why do you like to look for those magic elements that let others to succeed? Like e.g. 5 things that will make you successful or How to get rich fast and on and on. Some of you think there’s got to be some secret in it. There’s got to be something, right?  That’s very convenient on your side. Most of the people say: Those people know something that I don’t know. They have something I don’t have. I would be able to do it. or They’ve just got lucky. Well, I will disappoint you, there is no magic, no secret in it and very limited amount of luck.

HOW ABOUT A SHORTCUT?

Seriously? Are you for real? There are no shortcuts. People think there is some sort of quick move, some sort of algorithm or magic formula that will get you there. How about a teleport to success or a magic spell? Again NO.  It doesn’t exist. I’m here to tell you that this is one of the most misunderstood concepts. It doesn’t happen like that. If you think that’s how anything can be done you just waste your energy. You waste your time. You waste your life.

You will not get in shape by taking a shortcut. You will not get healthy by taking a shortcut. You will not get a promotion by taking a shortcut. Your great idea will not magically evolve into a business. It will not. Accept it and go to work.

NOTHING IS FREE
OVERCOMING FEAR OF FAILURE. PART 1

Hard work beats talent when talent fails to work hard – Kevin Durant, NBA 2014 Most Valuable Player

Nothing happens overnight. When you see greatness in someone you often think that is a pure talent or a great gift. You don’t see and or think about massive amount of hard work behind it. Nothing is free. Why don’t you believe it? Why are you still waiting?

EASIEST PATH
OVERCOMING FEAR OF FAILURE. PART 1

Genius is 1 percent talent and 99 percent hard work - Albert Einstein

I found it to be true in every aspect of my life. You heard it so many time and you still don’t believe it, do you? Why? Because it’s the easiest thing to do and let’s face it most of us are just lazy. Sorry to say that but that the cold, hard truth. That’s how we are developed by centuries of evolution. We take the easiest path. What’s even worse, we take a break on the side of that path and sit there for a few years.  Some of us sits there for the rest of our life and wait to be rescued. We want to be given a chance but we don’t do anything to create it for ourselves.

Only you can give you a chance. Only you can rescue you. Only YOU!

EXPECTATIONS

If you ask anyone Do you want to be successful?  Do you want to live a life of contribution? Do you want to accomplish your vison, achieve you goal, fulfil your dreams? Do you want to be better father? Do you want to be healthier? Do you want to be rich? Do you want to be happy? Everybody will say YES! The true expectations don’t show up in your word but in your behavior and in your actions. I can tell what do you expect by what you do. Your behavior when nobody’s watching. It takes tons and tons of work. There will be a million reasons why not but there’s one great reason WHY. This your vision, your dream. Preserver and stay focused.

It’s not free. There is no magic to it. No magic formula. No shortcuts.

The only secret is HARD WORK!

WAKEY! WAKEY!

Posted Leave a commentPosted in 2 minute read
WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?
OVERCOMING FEAR OF FAILURE. PART 1

The best way to make your dreams come true is to wake up – Paul Valéry

Hey you, open your eyes and get up. You think you have your eyes opened and you are standing up, but you’re not. You are still lying comfortably under your fluffy, soft quilt. You are still dreaming in your bed with your eyes wide shut. Doing that is not getting you anywhere close to your dream, your vision. What are you waiting for? Should someone else do it for you?

You don’t have to believe my word, but nothing is going to happen in your life. Nothing.  This perfect opportunity is not going to come. Not now. Maybe never.

Do you want to spend your life in your bed? Yes, it’s easy and convenient now but it’s going to expire. We all have an expiration date build in somewhere and no one wants to waste their life.

YOU ARE GOING TO DIE!

Well, I came here to tell you that.

What if you were to be told you’re going to die in three months, how would your life changed? How would your thoughts and attitude change? How would your decisions change? How would your actions change?

Wake the f*** up! Take what’s in front and you work your face off.

You will trip and fall many time. Your Journey will be stacked with obstacles. It’s going to easier to you once you face that fact. You can’t run away from all of your problems. They will catch you sooner or later and if you will give them time to grow they will get much bigger, deeper and stronger. Face your problems right away. Face them NOW. Use your problems, difficulties or issues as an opportunity.

NO REGRETS
OVERCOMING FEAR OF FAILURE. PART 1

Your big opportunity may be right where you are now – Napoleon Hill

How easy it to wake up, stand up and start living your life?

The number one regret people have on the death bed is: I wish I had a courage to live the live I was destined to live. That I had a purpose in life.

Don’t let this happen.