LIVING IN A BOX

Posted Leave a commentPosted in 3 minute read
Fly, you fools!

Many of us feel so tired there couldn’t possibly be any passion. When you are exhausted there is no passion. We don’t need to plan it for 4 weeks. We don’t need go through it again and again. We need to start running. We need to move. We live in society were nobody moves anymore.

 

Injuries

What are we like today? How do people get injured today? They don’t get injured smashing into people playing sports. They get injured typing, getting up from the bed, sitting in the car, picking up keys from the floor. That’s how people get injured because we don’t use our bodies anymore.

 

Different

We live in a box. Think about it. Think about our life’s today and how different it is from the way we were formed and made. To run. To hunt. To create. To procreate. To raise our children. To move. To form. To do all the things that make you use all of our body.

 

Box life

What do we do today? We wake up and we have this box life. We have a box breakfast. We get into box car. We drive to our box office. We get into box elevator. We don’t use the stairs, off curse. We work on a box computer. Type on a box. Talk to a box. We go into box room for meeting. We listen to music on a box. We have our box lunch. Drive our box home.  Or we get into box train or box subway. We get home to our box apartment. And then we turn on the box. We watch that box, we laugh and cry to that box. We get information and entertainment form a box. We message on the box. We get substitute of relationship on social media through the box.

 

Death in the box

Our box life fits perfectly into consumer culture. Everything perfectly set up for us to become ordinary box max.  Get to know your boxes, navigate through them and live your box life. Then die and get into your final box.

 

Breaking point

Many of us at some point of life reach a breaking point. We feel we need a break. We need a change. We are convinced that we are finally jumping outside of this box but it turns out we are replacing one box with another.   

 

JUMP!

It can feel overwhelming but if we will be very committed we can make it work. I won’t give you a recipe how to jump outside because I simply don’t have one. It’s different for each one of us. What I can tell you is that you’re going to fail many times trying to jump outside. But you have to stay committed, be determined and clear were you’re going.

 

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ONE PHONE CALL AWAY

Posted Leave a commentPosted in 5 minute read
ONE PHONE CALL AWAY

No one wants to die. Even the people who want to go to heaven don’t want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it – Steve Jobs

We are just a doctor’s visit away or phone call away from being starkly reminded with the fact of our own mortality or those closest to us. You must know how uncanny it is to suddenly be thrown out of the normal course of your life and just be given a full-time job of not dying or carrying for someone. We rarely think about it but it may happen to all of us.

 

Petty concerns

The one thing we tend to realize in moments like this it that we’ve wasted a lot of time when life was normal. It’s not just what we did with that time. It’s not just that we’ve spend too much time working or compulsively checking emails. It’s that we’ve cared about wrong things. It the moments like this we often regret what we’ve cared about. Our attention was bound up in petty concerns year after year when life was normal.

 

Forever?

Deep inside we all know it may come in an instant. Don’t you know that? Don’t you know that there’s going to come a day when you’ll be sick or someone close to you will die. You will look back on the kind of things that captured your attention and you will say What was I doing? You know this and yet if you’re like most people you’ll spend most of your time in life presuming you’re going to live forever.

 

Unexpectedly

We take for granted so much that everyday we’re just going to wake up and that we are going to go through the same routines get to see the same people. That those people are going to be there when we come home at night. That every day is going to be the same way like the other but right now when you’re reading this there are hundreds of people whose life was taken by surprise. Unexpectedly. 

 

Reaper will come

Even if you live to be hundred there’s not that my days in life. Way too many of us are trying to check the boxes of the things that do not really interest us. In doing that we’re wasting majority of our life. Shortly before his death Randy Pausch ‘We don't beat the Grim Reaper by living longer, we beat the Reaper by living well and living fully, for the Reaper will come for all of us. The question is what do we do between the time we are born and the time he shows up. It's too late to do all the things that you're gonna kinda get around to… It is not the things we do in life that we regret on our death bed. It is the things we do not. I assure you I've done a lot of really stupid things, and none of them bother me. All the mistakes, and all the dopey things, and all the times I was embarrassed — they don't matter. What matters is that I can kind of look back and say: Pretty much any time I got chance to do something cool I tried to grab for it — and that's where my solace comes from.’

 

Find you passion

You will need find your passion. Many of you have already done it, many of you will later, many of you may take to your thirties or forties, but don't give up on finding it. Right, then all you are doing is waiting for the reaper. Find your passion and follow it. And if there is anything that I have learned in life, you will not find that passion in things. And you will not find that passion in money. Because the more things and the more money you have, the more you will just look around and use that as the metric — and there will always be someone with more. Your passion must come from the things that fuel you from the inside. And honors and awards are nice things, but only to the extent that they regard real respect from your peers. And to be thought of well by people you think of more highly up is a tremendous honor I've been granted. Find your passion, and in my experience, no matter what you do at work or what you do in in official settings, that passion will be grounded in people. It will be grounded in the relationships you have with people and what they think of you when your time comes – Randy Pausch

 

Darkness

You see when are in that darkness you want to sit there and wait for the light to come. When you’re in that darkness it feels uncomfortable and the only way out is to step forward to face your fears, to become your own light. Make a decision right now that when you are going to be in that darkens you will remember the power of you. Nobody is going to take you out of that darkness. You have to push yourself out of it. When you have that bourdon upon you that’s when it’s time to fuel yourself up. There is a light somewhere. It may not be much light but it beats the darkness. You can’t beat death but you can beat death in life.  

 

3 things

Your disease does not define you. It can take all your physical abilities, but it cannot touch your mind, it cannot touch your heart and it cannot touch your soul. And those three things are going to carry on forever.

 

With passion

Realize that time is very precious to all of us. Neither of us knows how much we have left. Don’t give up. Don’t ever give up. Live your life with passion. Laugh. Think. Cry. Be enthusiastic every day. Be grateful for every day you have left.

Enjoy your life. Your life matters and it matters for a lot of people.

Love you Dad

ONE PHONE CALL AWAY

JAR OF LIFE

Posted Leave a commentPosted in 3 minute read
OVERCOMING FEAR OF FAILURE. PART 1

Time is what we want most, but what we use worst – William Penn

 

Time

Keep the important things important. Time is a great equalizer. We all get 24 hours a day, 7 days in a week, 52 weeks in a year and who knows how many more years. How you chose to spend your time will determine if your life will be fulfilling, satisfying and happy. What will you choose?

 

Jar

Let’s say a Jar represent your life and time you have to fill. The Sand stands for all the little things that really don’t matter. The Pebbles are things that matter a little bit. Finally, the Rocks are the really important things.

 

Sand

When you choose to fill your time with the little things first, the things that don’t matter, things like video games, watching movies, scrolling Facebook, unimportant tasks, being mad at others, then you leave little time for meaningful things.

 

Pebbles

Filling time with things that “matter” but aren’t necessarily important, things like housework, casual hobbies, spending time with people you don’t really like, leaves you with very little time for the Important things.

These are the things that money can’t buy. Your family. Your friends. Your health. Your passion. Your dreams. Things you love.  

 

Rocks

This way important things are left out of your life. If you fill your time with things that don’t matter, then you’ll be left with no time for the things that do. Give time to the important things first and you’ll be amazed at what you can accomplish.

 

First things first

Let’s you have the same amount of time. The same amount of little things, things that kind of matter and important things. When you give time to the important things first you’ll have time for all of your important things. Then you can add in those things that kind of matter. You may need to rearrange a few things but in the end, most of it fits.

 

Everything you need

You can fill the time you have left with all those things, that don’t really matter. Again, you may need to maneuver some things around but you’ll be amazed at what you can fit into your schedule. You won’t be able fit everything but the things you left doesn’t really matter anyway because you’ve got everything you need.

 

Your Jar

Most of us don’t leave any space for the important things. We don’t have time for them. We choose to do all the little things first and after that it’s just too late. Do you really want it to stay that way forever? Is your Jar full or are you missing important things?

 

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WISH LIST

Posted Leave a commentPosted in 5 minute read
WISH LIST

Some people want it to happen, some wish it would happen, others make it happen – Michael Jordan

We are getting closer to the end of the year very quickly. This is the time when the concept of your priorities often comes to life. Let’s be frank with each other, as a matter of fact it is not the list of your priorities. It’s just your wish list.  Your wish list. The things you wish will happen. Not the things you are committed to fight for. Unless you block your time to follow through with the necessary actions it will only be your wish list.

 

Resolutions

What makes you even want to make a new year’s resolutions in the first place? Why in the beginning of the year we feel that we should do it? Is it a new tradition? It goes way beyond that. It’s something inside of you that wants something better, that wants more. It’s your inner fire and desire for progress. Yes, it’s still alive although you tried to kill it so many times.

 

Fresh start

The 1st of January gives this idea that you can have a fresh start. Tabula Rasa. We think that it’s a time when we can change anything we wish. Well, that’s both right and wrong. The truth of the matter is we can do it whenever we truly decide and take immediate, massive actions.

 

Work on progress not change

People tend to say: Oh I’m working on change. I’m trying to change it. Don’t worry about it. You don’t have to work on change. Change is automatic. But progress is not. If you want to make a real progress, a real difference you’ve got to look at your life in a different way. Progress is exciting. Progress never ends. Your Journey never stops.

 

Resolutions Commitments

Take control over this process. Don’t hope it’s going to work out just because you made a new year’s a resolution. Isn’t that, what we are you really doing at the beginning of the year? You say, here are my resolutions for the year and those actually are only your wishes. It’s a wish list that you hope will somehow, easily and magically come together.  The real resolution cuts off every possibility except the one you’re committed to. There is no other way.

 

How easy is it to be lazy?

Once you have a desire and direction you need to take it a stage further. But how? To take this next step you need discipline. To get something you never had you have to do something you never did. You need to work harder and more consistent then you ever did before. Reverse this statement and tell me How easy is it not to be discipline? How easy is it to sit on your couch, watch movies, keep scrolling on your Facebook? How easy? It takes no effort.

If you are a runner you will run no matter what the weather is going to be. It can be cold or windy, it can rainy or snowy, you will still go running. Why is that? You have changed your identity. You don’t let the things that are out of your control to stop you. In order to keep on going you need to change your identity and develop proper habits.

 

Joyful pursuit

If you want to master any area of your life you need to work on it consistently. Be absolutely committed to the habits and practices that support you on your Journey. Ask yourself what kind of discipline you can create in your life that you will be doing consistently every day. Create a joyful habit of consistent pursuit after your vision.

 

Be cautious with your focus

To perform at the highest level, you must stay focus all the time. Be aware of distractions you are submitted to. Get rid of them. Don’t let anything or anyone to distract you. First be aware what are you paying attention to and change it if it’s necessary. Your time in very valuable and no one is allowed to waste it. Not even you.

 

Day off

Every once in a while, every week or every month, every once in a while you need to spend few extra hours to really clean your head. Be by yourself. I know that sometimes it can be very hard to find time but everyone can do it. Call me or text if you are not able to find 2 hours once a month and I’ll show you that you can.  Get your priorities in line. Sort it out. Charge your batteries. Look at your life from above. Let yourself to see the big picture. Most of those things should be done on a day to day basis but every once in a while, give it whole day. That’s a magnificent investment in your future, your vision, your dream.        

 

Rocks of life

If we want to advance with our priorities, first thing we need to do is to clean up our list. Let’s take the really big items, the rocks of your life, the things that will give you most significant outcomes and schedule them right away. Don’t go after smaller outcomes only because the actions are easier.  It’s so crucial to schedule and do all those really important things first.

 

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WISH LIST

WHAT’S YOUR PRICE?

Posted Leave a commentPosted in 5 minute read
WHAT’S YOUR PRICE?

The price of inaction is far greater than the cost of making a mistake - Meister Eckhart

What’s possible for someone is also possible for you. That’s sounds very cliché, but that’s how I chose to see it. OK, but how can you get to the next level? You need to learn to dominate. You perfectly know how to compete but now is the time to learn how to get what you want from your life. Anybody can do this. This is not about your past, your experience, your education, it’s even not about your skills, it’s about massive amount of action.

 

What’s your price?

Whatever is your price, whatever you think you are worth, you’re going to get it. Whatever celling you’re going to put over your head, it will be visible to the whole world. If you are going to limit yourself, your prize will never exceed your expectations. One of my friends was applying to the same company I was working at, I’ve met her just before her interview and one of the thing she asked me was salaries in the company. She told me the price she wanted to put on herself and I was amazed how low it was. I was encouraging her to raise that price significantly but she ended up lifting it up just a little bit. In the end, she has got what she asked for and not a penny more. The company was not even negotiating. That should tell you something. The price tag you put on yourself, your skills, your work, your time will determine what you will get in return. You will never get more than you’ve asked for. Never.  The world will never appreciate you if you won’t. The world will never reward you if you won’t. What is you price now?

 

Wake your desire

Are you waiting for your vision to enlighten you? You need to decide what do you want your life to be about? Who do you want to be? What do you desire to go after? Sometimes to create your vision you need to go out there. Experience different things. Explore the world. Explore yourself. Stimulate your mind. Play and have fun with it. Desire is built on experience. Have desire for this journey to grow into the kind of person you would really admire.

 

Four elements

How to get there? How to get ahead? What are the ideas, the strategies to get ahead? There are four elements to get ahead, to progress, to grow.

 

  1.  Becoming more aware who you are and what is your mission. What specifically do you want to get ahead to? Be deliberate with your thoughts and actions you take. Consciously direct your life to your envisioned destination.

 

  1. Knowledge. Skills. Ability. Study your craft. What’s the thing you need to study on? Model and learn from most successful people in your field and start doing it over and over again. Learning at your own experience is the most expensive because it costs you time. How much time do you have to spare? Don’t wish anything to be easier and instead do anything to be better at it.

 

  1. If you really want to get ahead it’s going to take another level of commitment. If you want to live in your vision, raise the level of your commitment. Get rid of distractions and the thought that you can do anything and everything at the same time. Olympic athletes tend to shine in one discipline. Why? Because it takes that much commitment in one area to become great at it. That’s how you get ahead. Commit to being focused on most important actions and outcomes.

 

  1. To get congruent, you first need to get congruent with yourself. Find your magic. Be congruent with what you are really capable of, not with what you’re used to in your life. Change the way you think of yourself. Once you do that, your body and your unconsciousness behaviors will start moving towards that. Your body will desire to be congruent with your thoughts about yourself.

 

Clear direction

You have to have that clear direction in your mind. It needs to be as crystal clear and specific as possible. At any given moment in your life you can do only one thing. How do you choose what to do? Do you make that choice at all or do you let it be done for you? The outcomes of your life are based on the choices you make. Actually, the person you are today is simply an outcome of all your choices and decisions in life to this date. Are you clear on who you are and who you want to be? There is no shame in saying or thinking that you’re not sure. In fact, it takes a great deal of courage, congruence and honesty. Most of people have no idea but it doesn’t mean you need to be like them.

 

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WHAT’S YOUR PRICE?

YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE

Posted Leave a commentPosted in 6 minute read
YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE

I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work - Thomas A. Edison

Need for acceptance

We as human being have a deep-seated need for love and connection (Uncertainty. Significance. Love). Sometimes this is even more a need for acceptance. We satisfy this need is many different ways. Let’s take a look how this can really determine how we will perceive ourselves.   

When you are in school or when you are growing up it matters to people how you look. And then it matters to you because it matters to others. Why? Why does it matter how you look? Because if they don’t like you then who will? If they don’t except you then who will? Very often we value their opinion a lot more than our own and this won’t take us anywhere good.

 

Not good enough

I started believe that I was not good enough. I started to believe that I was a failure and that I will never ever be able to start a different carrier. It was such a deep belief that I thought to myself that I’m actually bad at everything I do. And I started to feel depressed. I though What kind of purpose do I have to live? Am I just here to live and to die? Is there no purpose to me to live? 

 

Who do you believe?

There are somethings in life that are out of our control, that we can’t change and we have to live with it. The choice that we have is either to disregard them and keep on going or to give up. What are you going to believe? Are you going to believe in yourself or are you going to believe everybody else? Are you going to believe in everybody else’s judgment on you? Are you going to believe people saying that you are a failure and no one really likes and cares about you? People don’t even look in the eye. They ask you how you are and you say fine but you’re not fine. Don’t expect them to know the truth. 

 

You’ve failed.

You have tried something new and you’ve failed. That’s not a big deal. Don’t beat yourself up. You are going to fail many but never get used to it. Take what you can from it and start all over again.

I know some failures are very painful. You almost feel like an outsider. It’s a very dark place. It might be the darkest place you have ever been. You’re sad, down and there is no light at the end of that tunnel. You ask yourself Why did this had to happen to me? It’s in this moment that you find out who you really are and what you are really about.

 

There is always a chance

Life is interesting. Life is a journey. You take step in this direction. You take steps in that direction and you get sort of lost along the way. Sometimes you fall down and you feel like you don’t have any strength to get back up. You put a mask on your face when you go back to school or work and you pretend that everything is all right when it’s not. You pretend that you got back up. You go home, lay in your bad and when no one is looking at you, when you don’t have to impress anybody and you are yourself, that’s when the fear comes in. Maybe you have doubt in your mind. Maybe you don’t know what’s going to happen. It really scares you. Maybe you are worried about what people think of you, what people say about you. Maybe that fear paralyzes you. It should be impossible for me to get back up but it’s not. I will try one hundred times to get up and if I fail one hundred times and give up do you think I’ll ever get up. If I fail I try again and again, and again. For as long as I try there is always a chance of getting up. 

 

Who are you?

But I had to ask myself a couple questions. The first question was Who am I? It’s funny how people around sort of determine who you are but it’s always you who have to change yourself. You have a choice which step are you going to take today.

Most of us go through life with our brakes on, holding back, not giving all that we can, not sharing all that we have. Most of us go to our graves still holding on rather than releasing it because of past experiences, past defeats, past pain. We look back and say It didn’t work out then, it probably won’t work out now. While all it is, that it didn’t work out tonight. We have got to separate what we do from who we are.

 

Two battles

I feel like we are all fighting two battles or two enemies at the same time as. One with the man across from you. The second is with the man inside of you. Once you control the one inside of you, the one outside doesn’t matter.

We are not handed anything. We earn everything. Every single day. Over and over again. We have to prove it. It’s in that moments of failures that we find out who we really are and what we are really about.

 

Fall forward

If I’m going to fall I don’t want to fall back on anything. I want to fall forward. At least that way I’m going see what I’m going to hit. Fall forward. Sometimes life will force you to become courageous.

Thomas Edison conducted one thousand failed experiments. The one thousand and one was the lightbulb. Fall forward.

Denzel Washington didn’t quit. He didn’t fall back. I walked out from one audition to prepare for the next audition and the next audition and the next audition. He continued to fail.

To get something you never had you have to do something you never did. You will fail at some point in your life. Except it. You will lose. You will embarrass yourself. You will suck at something. You’ve got to take risk and you heard that so many times. Fall forward. 

 

Do you want to real how to overcome the fear of failure? Read more at OVERCOMING FEAR OF FAILURE. PART 1 and Part 2

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YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE

CONFIDENT OR ARROGANT?

Posted Leave a commentPosted in 5 minute read
CONFIDENT OR ARROGANT?

They laugh at me because I'm different; I laugh at them because they're all the same - Kurt Cobain

Confidence is one of the best traits you can have. Arrogance is one of the worst, and the line between the two can be very blurry. Some people are worried that if they become confident, they’ll cross the line into arrogance. Or even if they don’t other people will perceive their new confidence as arrogance.

 

Comparison

Let’s start with the obvious one. Confidence is attached to reality and it backs up what it says. Arrogance is excessive and is often proven to be far from reality. The lesson is: don’t talk if you can’t back it up. But the defining aspect of arrogance as you’re most likely to encounter it or even exhibit it is loudness. Confidence is a firm statement – arrogance is a scream.

In addition, arrogance comes through when someone’s status or track record leads them to believe or behave as if they are superior to other people. Don’t let yourself believe that you are better than others because you’re not.

 

Standards

No matter what success you have in life you need to get clear on your values and standards so that you know how you and other people should behave. Those standards apply whether you are at the top of your industry or just breaking in. Do not let yourself believe that you are better than other people because you have achieved more. Arrogance is never a sign of confidence. What’s more arrogance and diminishing others will never serve you any good in a long run.

 

Credit of success

Lastly, you can spot arrogance by how it shares or doesn’t the credit of success. No one does it by themselves. People are trained by coaches, mentors, supported by family or friends, pushed by their competition and as cheesy as it sounds we want that acknowledged during a victory. When we see people giving credit to others, we realize they know the contribution of others and we see those people as less arrogant.

 

Security

In summary, confidence is secure because it is based on reality. It’s quiet. It doesn’t act morally superior and remains humble while acknowledging others and even luck but it still has conviction built both through experience and through visualizations.

 

Insecurity

Arrogance may look like extreme confidence and I think that’s why people are worried that confidence will turn to arrogance. But the way that arrogance is created is almost exactly the opposite of confidence.

Arrogance is nothing more than a compensation for someone’s  insecurities.

 

Need for approval

Arrogance very often comes from those insecurity. The arrogant person may still visualize themselves winning but their visualizations focus more on the praise that they will receive than on the achievement itself. And that is because arrogant people feel like they need a constant stream of external approval so they’ll give opinions where they have no experience. They’ll flaunt their successes loudly and still not feel great inside.

 

Self-worth

Arrogance occurs when you identify your self-worth with your skills and your opinions. Because they are yours, they must be superior and if they weren’t superior you would feel worthless. Confidence occurs when your self-worth is so solid that you can evaluate your skills honestly. Sure, you’re going to put in the work to make sure those skills are top notch and that your opinions are well-founded though you always recognize that they can probably be improved. You don’t need them to be superior or perfect to feel like you are enough.

 

Hints

Confident people don’t feel the need to brag. Their accomplishments do it for them. Arrogant people always find a way to brag and top whatever you just said.  While confidence is often shown in saying I don’t know the answer, arrogance is a conviction and a need to always have an answer. Since arrogant people are only concerned about themselves, they’re not really listening to you. Not only are they always on the lookout for someone else to talk to, they interrupt the conversation frequently.

 

Time

While deep-rooted confidence takes some time to develop, you can boost your situational confidence very, very quickly. Do you want to find out how?  Follow my blog posts.

Confidence is inspiring. Arrogance turn people off.  Confidence gets hired but arrogance is shown the door.

 

Now be honest with yourself. What are you? Are you confident or unsure? Are you self-assured or are you arrogant?

 

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CONFIDENT OR ARROGANT?

BUILDING SELF-ESTEEM

Posted Leave a commentPosted in 6 minute read
BUILDING SELF-ESTEEM

Self-Esteem or Self-Confidence?

Well, both. What’s the difference between confidence and self-esteem? The definitions of the words self-esteem and self-confidence are often used interchangeably when referring to how people feel about themselves. People often talk about them together, but they’re actually very different. Sometimes they go along each other but that’s not always the case. Of course people who have high self-esteem can also be very self-confident. On the other hand, quite often people with extreme self-confidence can have a very low self-esteem.  

 

What is Self-Esteem?

Self-esteem refers to how you feel about yourself overall. How much esteem, positive regard or self-love you have. Self-esteem develops from experiences and situations that have shaped how you view yourself today.

 

What is Self-Confidence?

Self-confidence on the other hand is how you feel about your abilities. It can vary from situation to situation. Self-confidence is related to action.  It’s your belief that you can succeed at something. Your friend can be a confident that she is a good manager but she’s not at all that confident about speaking in public.

The other thing you have to have in mind that your self-confidence can sometimes be mistaken with arrogance. There is a very thin line between those two but being sincere and humble will help you stay on the good side of that line.

 

Can they go together?

As mentioned before there’s no doubt about it. When you love yourself, your self-esteem improves, which makes you more confident. When you are confident in areas of your life, you begin to increase your overall sense of esteem. You can work on both at the same time.

 

How to build Self-Confidence?

You all need to understand is that self-confidence is a skill. So you build it just like any other skill. You learn it. You practice it. And master it. Surprised? I know many people who actually would be very surprised and disappointed that it’s not something given to people and they just weren’t lucky enough to get it. They often think they were just not blessed with this gift so there’s nothing they can do about it. Until they change that belief they won’t do anything to build their self-confidence. Some of them never try to confront and change that belief.

 

It’s a skill

Without that skill you can never shine in any area of life. Some of the greatest athletes are shy in front of the camera but on the field they are as confident as a charging bull. Self-confidence is the ability to believe that you are able to accomplish anything you decide to. The odds, the difficulty, the adversity, it all does not matter. What really matter is that it can be learned. So what does it take to learn it?

Well, all it takes is one thing. Only one thing.

Repetition. Repetition. Repetition. No one is born self-confident. Just like anything else it takes time. It is a process. It is a Journey. 

 

THE SIX PILLARS OF SELF-ESTEEM

How to build Self-Esteem? There are 6 practices that can help you tremendously which where described in “The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem” written by Nathaniel Branden.

 

1. The practice of living consciously.

All of us have more knowledge than we normally are aware of. More wisdom than we use. More potential than typically shows up in our behavior. Unfortunately, most of us are sleep-walking thought our existence. We need to start paying attention to what we are actually doing. We need to act with a purpose and intention.

 

2. The practice of self-acceptance.

Improve what you can change and learn to accept what you can’t. Let me address a common issue. There are people who think that self-acceptance somehow goes against self-improvement. It’ doesn’t. In fact, self-improvement can only follow self-acceptance. Accept yourself. Accept your advantages. Accept your disadvantages and those you already can.

 

3. The practice of self-responsibility.

Very often people use a certain excuse to explain why they are doing what they’re doing or not doing anything. I don’t train because I have a medical condition. Does this ring a bell? Have you heard it before? That’s a very easy way out because there’s always something you could be doing to improve your fitness. Don’t give yourself this easy way out.

 

4. The practice of self-assertiveness.

Staying authentic to our true self under pressure. Be grounded in what you believe in. Don’t say you sort of believe in it. You need to fully stand for what you believe in. 100 % unapologetic. It doesn’t mean lacking social awareness or to be pushy and start converting other people to your beliefs. But don’t go against your authentic self.

 

5. The practice of living purposefully.

If you will live your life with a purpose you will have a higher self-esteem. That’s one of the reasons why athletes or entrepreneurs have such high self-esteem. They do what they do with a purpose in mind. Not only they know what’s at the end of that road, they see themselves already there. They know it’s going to be tough but that’s never the reason to stop.

 

6. The practice of personal integrity.

If you are going to act against what you believe in your inner voice will tell you over and over how worthless you are. Only you will know, but when it comes to self-esteem, your inner voice is the one that matters the most. You can’t have the voice in your head telling you how worthless you are and build self-esteem at the same time.

 

Notice how each pillar starts with ‘practice of’. Self-esteem is not something you build by reading this article, by reading a book or watching a video. Self-esteem, just like self-confidence, is a skill. It’s something you build by constant practice for the rest of your life. Repetition. Repetition. Repetition.

 

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BUILDING SELF-ESTEEM

HOW TO BREAK FROM YOUR OWN PRISON?

Posted Leave a commentPosted in 7 minute read
HOW TO BREAK FROM YOUR OWN PRISON?

The greatest trap in our life is not success, popularity or power, but self-rejection -  Henri Nouwen

Many of us have been in that awful place, when we felt we can’t get out. We felt trapped or completely lost. We didn’t see any light at the end of the tunnel. Trapped in our past, in our current circumstances, in other people’s expectations, in our own limitations. Even though we were certain that we have tried every possible way, we felt that we couldn’t break free. At this point of life, we felt it’s absolutely pointless.

 

Cage

When we get thrown into that cage we fight to get out at first. We look for a way out. We grind, we run around, but after some time we resign. Just like that. We find a comfortable place in the back of the cage and we sit there for the rest of our lives. A lot of us never get up from that corner. We sit there disappointed, angry and frustrated. We watch our live as it goes by from behind the bars of that cage. How sad does this sound? Well, that’s not you, right? It’s not me either! But are we sure? It’s a lot easier to see that in others than ourselves.

 

Blind conviction

Just by listening you can actually tell if a person is trapped there. People who are stuck in this cage, look at the world from this perspective. People who are stuck in this cage look at all successful people and think they were born with all the blessings, they were just lucky.  You can often hear them blindly repeat They don’t understand me. No one understands me. My circumstances are different. I didn’t have all that. It’s easy for them. Those people are fully convinced that no one can understand them. The great tragedy is that their anger separates them from other people. In result they are less likely to ask for help and they are the ones who need in the most. This kind of life over a period of time feels really miserable. Blind convictions can really take us to the middle of that lonely desert.

 

Prison Break

How can anyone escape from that cage? How to break out of this mental prison? It’s just like escaping from prison in action movies. You will either rely on and expect the external help or you will figure it out internally and execute it by yourself. In most cases we need it all to break out.

In most cases our convictions and beliefs get changed only by two things:

 

1. External stimulus.

Something new has to come to our life, new circumstances, new person and somehow it makes us break the chains. This new element propels the change. It’s a spark that starts a huge fire. It’s an outside push that makes us jump over the edge.  

 

2. Internal stimulus.

Something new has to come out of us. Different decision about who we are going to be. Different decision about what we’re going to go after. Different decision about how hard we are going to work. About what we truly demand of ourselves every single day. About what we want to become and achieve. We finally get convinced that conscious choices are the only thing that can limit our life. It’s not our circumstances. It’s not requirements and demands of others.

 

Your combination

Your fate is your merit. You set your own cage. You build your own bars but remember you know where the doors are and only you have the right combination to open them. No one will do it for you. Your friends, your family members, your mentor or coach can only give you hints and tips but only you can figure out the combination for your life. You’ve build it and you’ve to break out of it.

 

Freedom

It’s going to take a lot of work to get out and feel absolute freedom. But you will never regret it. Soon after you get out, the life feels more comfortable. You feel overflowing sense of satisfaction, a greater confidence about who you are, where you’re going, higher degree of competence, skills, knowledge. You have control over your live once again.

 
It’s fine

Unfortunately, over a period of time we feel a sense of a restlessness. Maybe there is something more? When people are in this state and they are asked the question How is everything going? They often just replay It’s fine. It is an instant signal that they are probably not excited about the things they do. Their actions are not giving them satisfaction and joy.  They might be challenging themselves just to survive, not to grow and expend. Why do I think so? When you challenge yourself, you feel energized, engaged, enthusiastic, happy and fulfilled. You challenge yourself to stretch physically mentally and spiritually.  You know tomorrow is going to be better than today because you are progressing step by step. You know tomorrow by your simple choices, by your simple set of habits that you are going to evolve into better version of yourself.

 

Identity

You can shift your identity. If you are going to the gym your story can be I want to look a little better before summer or it is I’m going to have the best body, I can have. I’m going to be an athlete. That a huge difference in approach. Your actions and your mindset are going to be different. Your identity and your story must align with your values.

 

Values

If you want to go to the next level your values are going to have to change. If you are still not taking action it means that your values are not in line with your vision. You value sleeping or watching TV more than your dreams. You value eating whatever you can grab more than being healthy. You value complaining and whining more than taking your destiny in your hands. Be honest with yourself, what are your values? What do you value most? What do you love? So why do you keep on doing something different? To live a life, you really want for yourself, your action need to reflect your values. There is no other way. If you want to be healthy or  if you want to have a great body, you need to exercise and eat healthy. If you want to master Excel, you need to practice. If you want to be great salesman, you need to study what makes people buy and practice. It all takes a lot of effort, time and failures but it’s worth it. 

 

Your life is totally up to you. Everyone can, whether you will or not that’s the question. There is only one guarantee in life if you don’t take action, there will be no outcome.

 

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WHY WE DON’T DO?

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WHY WE DON’T DO?

Knowing is not enough, we must apply. Willing is not enough, we must do – Bruce Lee

Sounds great but how to do it? First try to change the question you ask yourself from ‘What’s most important to me?’ to ‘What do my values needs to be to succeed? Values are the emotional states that we believe are most important for us to either experience or avoid. Values determines what you focus on. They control what you know and don’t know. They control what you do and don’t do. What’s important and what’s not. Values and beliefs are directly responsible for our neglect and procrastination. Values and beliefs are the place where we will find the answer to Why we don’t do.

 

Preferences

Every decision in your life is determined by your beliefs and values. So many of us like to declare out preferences and say out loud what we want. Unfortunately for us those preferences are far different from the preferences we actually reveal and actions we undertake. Success does not come from your talking. It comes from your actions. 

 

Leverage

How about inactions of others? Can you change people who don’t want to change? The answer is simple. Off course you can. All you need is the right kind of leverage. Some people rather die than let you tell them what to do but all of us have a leverage point. If you get enough leverage and if you interrupt the pattern you can make anyone to change. If you are conscious enough you can create a new pattern. If all it takes is leverage, why most people want do it?  Main source of that are your beliefs.

 

Insane beliefs

Can we have beliefs that make no sense, yet still believe them? Sure. The only way people change is when they associate it with enough pain or pleasure. And ideally both. If you are doing something constantly and every time you get more and more pain, you will get to a point when you must change. On the other hand, getting pleasure fuels the process of change. It is like with a glass of soda. After drinking the first one you will want more and more. Drinking more soda will not make your thirst go away.  You need to break that pattern and go for water not soda. At first it might not give you the taste you expect but it the long run you will really enjoy the outcome.

 

Weak Foundations

With every next experience your beliefs are getting stronger. Remember you are like a magnificent building and your beliefs are your foundations. You can be remarkable design with outstanding facade but if you are built on weak foundations, pillars or in a swampy area, you will collapse spectacularly. Take care of your foundations. Take care of your beliefs.

 

Pain and Pleasure links

What equals pain and what equals pleasure is deeply wired in your nervous system. In order to change you need to change what you link pain and pleasure within your nervous system, not just in your head. Very often you know what to do but you still don’t do it. Sounds familiar? It means that links to your nervous system took over. Some of you link pain to the things you need to do, like making that phone calls, like exercising, asking for help, going to work or coming home. Sometimes you escape making a change because you think how good it was in the past. If your present is painful you escape to the past to run from the pressure to change or you escape to the future because no one knows exactly how it’s going to go. But if your brain links that it is was painful in the past, it is painful now and it will be painful in the future, the change will happen instantly.

 

Past outcomes

How much do you think your past outcomes alter your future decision and actions? We love to think we have a freewill to do whatever and whenever we want. The truth of the matter is that most of us are massively hardwired to our past and it’s an excellent prognostic for our future. It happens for one reason only. One reason. We allow our past to be an unconquerable limitation. It deforms our beliefs. It restricts our thoughts. It destroys our actions. Don’t let our past to destroy our future. Leave your past behind you.

 

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