TINY HABIT. BIG CHANGE.

Posted Leave a commentPosted in 100 days - strategy, 4 minute read

Meaningful blink of an eye

Let’s start with a tiny question. Do you think 100 days is a long time? Well, it’s only a matter of perspective, right? If you are a child waiting for Christmas or your birthday, 100 days will feel like eternity. If you’ll find yourself only waiting for something that you have no control over you won’t be either present in the moment nor grateful for the ride. In this case it can turn out to be a total waste of time. On the other hand, having a clear plan, taking actions and appreciating your journey will help you be lot more grateful, present in moment and fulfilled with your progress. Once you’ll choose this path 100 days will be a very meaningful and magnificent blink of an eye.

 

The Ride

Going back to my first article on 100 day of Change in January this was not designed to be a challenge. It was something far more important than that. Challenge prompts assumptions that it is a onetime thing, one-night stand. It would suggest that I’m only after a specific outcome or result. Well, journey itself, the ride and the struggle was far more important. It’s not about what I’m going to accomplish, it’s about who I’m going to become on the way. Who we are right now and who will become in the future is a result of the tiny things we do every day. It’s not luck. It’s not given or taken. It’s YOU!

 

Little things

Those little tiny things became inseparable parts of my day and my life. Like my morning routines. Smiling in front of the mirror, thinking about 3 things I’m grateful for, doing pushups, visualizing my goals for the  day and for the next 10 years. This exercise give me sense of control over my life, a chance to think about my vision and mission but what’s most important it makes me appreciate my life and people who are in it.

 

Late (cold) addition

Well, there is one more morning routine I do every day for the last 3 weeks. Cold showers. Besides the clear physical benefits like instant wake up, releasing tension in the muscles, increasing immune system and increasing tolerance for temperature differences, it gives me something even more important. It’s a mental exercise. It’s an exercise of going way beyond your comfort zone every morning of every day. To make one thing clear the water does not get any hotter with time. It’s still freezing every morning.

 

(Too) Cozy

Once I take that cold shower in the morning I’m not only fresh and awake, I’m also ready to face whatever comes my way. Every day I’m getting better in going outside of my comfort zone, my warm and cozy coverlet. It stretches the reach of my zone every day. 

 

Dose of inspiration

In the last 100 days reading became another inseparable  part of my day. Either self-development, marketing, financial or business books give me a daily dose of inspiration and knowledge. It’s my most quiet and peaceful time in a day. After my day job and spending time with my wonderful family it serves as a reset time before going to my evening hustle and grind. We all need to relax during the day and reading turns out to be way faster, more effective and useful for me than watching movies.

 

Lesson

Besides developing smaller and bigger habits I have also learned many very meaningful lessons. Failures are integral part of going beyond and stretching your boundaries. I was not even thinking about avoiding failures because it would mean not trying at all. I was failing a lot and  then adjusting. It’s not something to be ashamed or pity about. Failures need to be parts of my success. 

 

Too much

For starters, my daily, weekly and monthly plan was total overpacked. Trying to do too many things and once is one of the biggest challenges I face very often. This time was no different but after a month I have adjusted my day to day plans not to drain myself. It’s great to be going in a full pace but you’ll never be able to sprint yourself through a marathon. Based on their results now and potential for the future I have cut off the half of my tiny daily activities from the list.

 

Am I really so different after 100 Days of Change?

I totally believe I am. Through tiny habits and adjustments done every I have made major changes in my life. I have control over my day, I’m a lot more grateful for what I have, I a lot happier and more fulfilled. On top of that I have never been so determined to go after my dreams, so peaceful with the world and in life with my life.

This wonderful experience is a genesis of an incredible journey. Don’t hesitate. Design and start your journey NOW!

 

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FALL IN LOVE WITH SMALL

Posted Leave a commentPosted in 100 days - strategy, 3 minute read
FALL IN LOVE WITH SMALL

Great things are done by a series of small things brought together -Vincent Van Gogh

Today

You went to bed last night and you had all those ideas about how you’re going to get up this morning and things are going to be different. Today you’re going to start. Start taking steps towards doing some of those projects that you know that will get you closer to living that dream life you keep playing over and over in your head.  

 

Cubical world

Different from practical life that you’ve got to get up and meet every day. To go to the cubical infested world to work a job just to pay the bills. Out gas in the gas tank to take you places where you don’t really want to go to be around people you don’t enjoy being around. Put groceries in a refrigerator groceries that keep you fat and lazy. Keep you way from being healthy and fit in your life.

 

Silly, Superficial, Stupid

What wakes you up?  What drives you? Why are you playing this game? Pay the mortgage on a house that doesn’t inspire you and you hate coming home. Do you know what makes it even worse? Is that you cower. Before you got from the bedroom to the kitchen resistance was there already. Telling you what you were going to do different than what you want to do and what your inner voice inside of you tells you need to do with your life. Telling you that those things you believe matter and have a purpose in your life really don’t. That these silly, superficial and stupid things matter.

 

Resistance

Resistance will be there every morning. Morning, noon, night, and while you were sleeping. It will do everything to stop you from doing anything. It will kick you in the face until you turn around and start throwing punches. It will not go away on your own. If won’t fight it will be wining every round for the rest of your life.

 

Each

Try to look and each second to make sure you’re doing something each second. Make sure each minute you’re doing something. Each hour. Each day you’re doing something. You are effective on Monday, on Tuesday, on Wednesday, on Thursday, on Friday. You don’t have to be perfect but what you have to do is perfect your day. As long as you are alive you will never be perfect. There is always progress to be made. You can always get better but you need to practice. Perfect your 24 hours. Your 60 minutes. Your 1440 seconds. That’s what you need to concentrate on right NOW.

 

Fall in love with small

Do what you are supposed to do with each second, with each minute, with each hour, each day. Fall in love with small things and big ones will be attracted to you eventually.

You master the NOW. You become an expert of the NOW. Get out there and to do work of your life.

 

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FALL IN LOVE WITH SMALL

FULFILLMENT

Posted Leave a commentPosted in 5 minute read
OVERCOMING FEAR OF FAILURE. PART 1

It is not in the pursuit of happiness that we find fulfillment, it is in the happiness of pursuit -  Denis Waitley

Biggest addiction

If you want to change your life, don’t place your bet on willpower because it will never last. If something meet at least three of your needs the fight is effortless. The biggest addiction in our culture is not alcohol, it’s not drugs, cigarettes, painkillers, playing games, it’s problems. Problems are by far our biggest addiction. Problems allow us to deal with our deepest fear that we are not enough and we won’t be loved. They allow us to escape responsibility and just say It’s not me it’s this problemIt’s just that I have ADD. It’s just that I’ve been through this. Most people meet their needs through their problems.

 

Four basic needs

Unfortunately, they don’t meet their deepest needs. In two previous articles Need no. 1 and Uncertainty. Significance. Love we have just described the first four basic needs which are the needs of your personality. Everybody finds a way to meet those four needs. The final two needs are the needs which create fulfillment. They are the spiritual needs not religious bur spiritual.

 

Growth

The fifth human need is growth. We grow or we die. There is no way around it. If your business isn’t growing, it’s dying. If your relationship isn’t growing, it’s dying. Growth is life. Progress equals happiness. If you’re not where you want to be, you’re still overweight, you’re still financially struggling, you’re still not where you want to be in your carrier, but you start working out, you start feeling progress or you start to change your carrier, you’re not there yet but you’re making progress. You start to change your business, your relationship, your body, your heath. Anytime you start making progress your happiness will go through the roof.

 

The goal is not the goal

On the other hand, anytime you achieve something and you don’t set up something new to go for quickly you’ll lose momentum and in a short time you won’t be so happy. Because the law of familiarity will come in and this thing that once was this big dream, will now be just something you got used to. So, the purpose of the goal is not to get the goal. The purpose of the goal is who we become to achieve it. What you get will never make you happy. Who you become will make you very happy or very sad depending on how you approach it.

 

Off the track 

The problem is that we only want to do the things we know how to do well. That is very unfortunate because that’s a Great Wall separating you from progress, growth and contribution. That is how we are engineered by nature and hundreds of years of evolution. We are not programed to seek for growth and contribution. We follow the path of our experience and previous success. Even when you see someone else doing the same things better then you and in a different way in most cases you still are going to do it your way. You don’t have what they have, right?  If you really want to grow be ready to go off your tracks. 

 

Contribution

The sixth human need is the need for contribution. The need to step out of ourselves. If something great happens, how many of you cannot help yourselves and want to share it with someone you love? Very often that’s your first though. Why? Because you can only feel so much yourself. There is only so much pleasure you can interiorly have. You want to share that concept with someone. You want to share that experience with someone. By sharing it becomes even more. It’s more than just you. 

 

Not What but Why?

Growth and contribution are the fifth and sixth need. They are our spiritual needs. They are the needs that fulfill us. Everyone finds a way to feel certain, to feel some variety, some significance, some connection but very few people grow continuously and contribute continuously. 

Can you meet somebody and within few minutes start to pick up which needs might be driving them the most? Of course, you can. Start looking at people, by not what they do, but why they do it.

 

Go for growth

My life started couple months before my 30th birthday. My life started with the Decision to change my life. The Decision to quit my job.

For 4 years, I was scared, extremely frustrated and insanely stressed. I hated my job so much, but it was satisfying all four of my basic needs and I could break that pattern. That was my past but it’s not my story anymore. My true Story is that step by step I changed my life. I changed the way I was satisfying my needs without really knowing it. It wasn’t easy. It wasn’t quick. But it’s great and I love it.

 

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Uncertainty. Significance. Love

Posted Leave a commentPosted in Uncategorized
Uncertainty. Significance. Love

At the core of all anger is a need that is not being fulfilled - Marshall B. Rosenberg 

Are you an honest person? Do you consider yourself a very honest person? Most of us do. How about lying, do you lie? I will help you with this. Yes, we all lie. How can we explain that? Here’s how it works. In your mind, you know who you are but why would someone lie who values honesty? No one told you to be honest. You want to be honest. However, if you think being honest will cost you one of your needs like love or certainty you will lie. You might call it a white lie but you will lie. Do you agree?

 

Need No. 2

However, there are some people how never lie. Because they value certainty of always telling the truth so much.

You can meet the need for certainty (Need no 1) in so many ways and what if you were certain every moment in your life what’s going to happen before it happens? What if you knew what people are going to say before they are going to say it? What if you would feel what they are going to feel? In the beginning that would feel really exciting. After a while if you would know what is going to happen, when is going to happen and how is going to happen what would that feel? You would feel bored out of your mind. That is why we have the second human need. Uncertainty. Variety.

 

Do you like surprises?

We have a need for uncertainty. We have a need for surprise. We have a need for variety. Long time ago William Cooper have written Variety is the spice of life. How many of you love surprise? Do you love surprises? Most of you are going to say Yes without any hesitation. I hate to tell you that but you are massively mistaken. You love surprises you want. Surprises you don’t want to just don’t want. You call them Problems. So, don’t say you like surprises because you only like surprise you want.

 

More than one

Can you meet more than one need with the same action, emotion or belief system? There no doubt that you can do it and you actually do it every day. Anytime your mind perceives that doing something, believing something or feeling something meets at least three of your needs then you’ll became addicted to that thought, that feeling, that emotion or that action. You can be positively addicted or negatively addicted but you’re going to be addicted.

 

Watching the same movie

Is it possible to meet your need for certainty and uncertainty even thou they are opposite needs? Who of you have ever rented a movie you have already seen? Who of you have ever played a game you have already finished? Don’t beat yourself up, we have all done it but why do we do it? It’s because we have seen it before so we are certain that it’s good. In addition, we hope it was so long that we forgot enough and it will meet the need for variety when we’re going to watch or play it again.   

 

Positive or negative?

How do you get variety? Similarly, to certainty, you can do it in a positive, neutral or negative way. You can get variety by learning, growing, taking on a new goal, new challenge. You can get variety through a conversation with a friend. There are so many way of getting variety. You can also get variety in negative ways. It can be meet by smoking, taking drugs, alcohol. It can be picking a random fight on the street. There are so many way to get variety.

 

Need No. 3

The third human need is significance. The need to feel unique. The need to feel special. Important. Who has a need to feel special? Everybody. Even the people who say they don’t want to feel special. Everybody has a need to feel special. There are a lot of ways to feel special. You can do it by working like crazy. You can do it by taking huge risk and achieving something. You can also tear down everybody else who tries to achieve something. There are two ways to have the tallest building in town. Once is to work harder than everybody else, take risk and build the tallest building. The other one is to blow up everybody else’s building. By the way which one is faster? Which one is easier? Which takes less time and effort? Which one takes less intelligence and less money?

 

Gun to your head

Tearing is always easier. It happens faster. That’s why we always had violence and we always will unless there’s a consciousness change. If all the sudden I put a gun to your head, on a scale one to ten how certain I’m going to be that you’re going to respond to me now?  A hundred. And how significant I’m going to be in your life in that moment? A hundred. I’m going to be most significant thing in your life and a moment ago you didn’t know I’ve existed. I don’t need intelligence. I don’t need knowledge. I don’t need skills. Every time I’m going to do it, it’s going to be a different game because you’re going to respond in a different way so I’m going to get variety. This way we get three needs. But violence doesn’t end there because the fourth need is connection and love. 

 

Need No. 4

Most people are too afraid to love because they’ve loved and they’ve been disappointed or they loved and they‘ve lost that love. Now they settle for the shreds of connection because that’s safer. That’s a form of a need. A very low level of a need but it’s still part of a need and we’ve got to meet it.

Going back to the situation of you having gun to your head, are we going to be connected? Yes, in a very sick way, we are going to be connected. Violence meet four of human needs and that’s why we’ve always had it.

 

Everyone finds their way

We can meet significance in a positive way. You can be significantly more generous than anyone else and that generosity gives you a sense of significance because you know you are really a giver, you’re not trading, you’re not exchanging. You can get significance by the way you dress. You can get significance by getting more tattoos and earrings. You can know more about box scores and sports to be significant. Everyone finds a way to be significant.

 

Problems

Most people find a way to be significant by having a significant problem. Why? Because if I’m really successful you can like me for a while but pretty soon most people get annoyed with someone how’s always happy and successful. Easy for you! But if you have humongous problem people are not going to be upset with you. You’re not competing with them. You tell them you have a huge problem and they say Oh, I understand. That’s why most of us unconsciously learn to create big problems as a way to connect because it’s a safest way to connect and not be rejected. Some people do it by trying to please everybody all the time. Thinking that if they please you enough you’ll come back to them and give them what they really want. But it rarely works the way they wish.

 

Those are the four basic human needs. Certainty. Uncertainty. Significance. Love and Connection. The big question in life is not whether you’re going to meet your needs. The only question is how? Is it obtainable or sustainable? Is it empowering, neutral or negative?  

 

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Uncertainty. Significance. Love

LIMITING BELIEFS

Posted Leave a commentPosted in 6 minute read
LIMITING BELIEFS

Beliefs have power to create and the power to destroy – Tony Robbins

From the time we are born we all have and experience different disadvantages. What’s your disadvantage? Are you dyslectic? Are you from a small town? Are you an immigrant?  Did you have a tough childhood? Have you been raised in a broken family? Are you short? Are your tall? Are you’re a woman? Maybe a man? Is your race different? Religion? You are unique and there’s no doubt about that but guess what? We all have many disadvantages.  What you see as a blessing can be disadvantage do someone else.  

 

Playing the wrong cards

Why are we worrying such much about our disadvantages? Why are we so focused on problems, on our limiting beliefs? I don’t have what it takes. I don’t have time, skills, knowledge, money, self-confidence to do it? I’m not strong enough. I’m not disciplined enough. I don’t deserve it.  Why do we put so much emphasis on mental weakness, instead of mental strength? We constantly focus on what’s wrong with our life. Even at work we are conditioned to identify our weakness and find solutions, so we can get better with our weakness. Why we are playing the wrong cards?

 

Average

From the time you are little kids, you are told to work on your weakness and to be good all around. Your parents expect you to be good in every class. The biggest value to your parents, teachers, schools and even society is your grade point average. Average of your grades! Have you ever thought about it? What world are we really trying to build?  Do we really want to live in world of mediocre people? Average. Mediocre. Medium. Blend. Vanilla. Is that it?     

 

Remarkable

You know what? The player who’s good all-around would never be a star. A star is player who’s remarkable at this on, two or four things but really sucks at the rest. If you want to be remarkable at anything you need to shine. Why don’t you bet on your uniqueness? Why don’t you bet on our strengths, your passions? It’s not even your limiting beliefs, it’s your limiting vision of who you are and what you are capable of. ­­We are all remarkable most of us don’t know it just yet. 

 

Focus

You don’t just change your limiting beliefs. You have to change your entire focus of what you’re looking at. In most cases your focus is send straight to your limiting things instead of those empowering capabilities. How much time do you focus on your weakness and worries, determines your destiny. How much attention do you give to your capabilities, opportunities, your vision? Is it enough?

 

Frames

Removing your limiting beliefs is a great start but that’s only the first step. You’re going to need a lot more than that. What’s going to help you is changing your focus on something bigger and greater about yourself. Change your dominant frame and focus. If you truly want to initiate change you can start by paying attention to three frames below. Do it at least for a week. Give it a go. You will be surprised how different your life can be right away. 

Three frames:

1. Greatness.

What if you take your focus from all your weakness and your insecurities, that you always had, and put your attention on your Greatness. Next time a big problem or issue come up, don’t focus on how big or hard it’s going to be to overcome it and focus on how much capabilities and strengths you already have to solve it. Give more relative weight and duration to what you would do on your best performance, your best day, best meeting, best game, best workout. Focus on the best you can be right now.

What’s magnificent about you? What are you capable of? Expose your greatness. Expose your best side.

 

2. Aliveness.

Choose to focus on your aliveness. Be fully alive and present in the moment. Feel more grateful for your life. Allow yourself to feel alive. Don’t wait to be energetic, don’t look for it, generate it. The level of your vital energy depend only on you. Don’t be just a spectator to your life, be a leading star instead.

 

3. Love.

What if you start loving your life? How would it be to act from the feeling of love? Give yourself permission to love more fully again.

Almost all of us had broken heart once in our lifetime. No surprise, I had a very broken heart myself. Some of us deal with this better, than others. I was absolutely and entirely in the second group.

 

Broken life

When my finance at the time, now wife, and I broke off with each other after 6-years, I was crushed. Quite quickly I have realized that it was almost only my fault, but I couldn’t let it go. I was fighting for it. The more I tried to fixed it, the more I was pushing her away. She moved to a different city. Although we didn’t have any contact with each other for a long time, I still could get myself together.  My world was closing on me. Fast. In addition to my broken heart, I couldn’t find a full time job. I was working as intern in Tax Office, in a convenience store during the summer, then in autumn and winter on construction site repairing and renovating a bridges.

 

Emotional blockade

For that whole year I was not allowing myself to love any part of my life. All my emotions were instantly blocked at the gate. It took me over a year to heal up my mental wounds and open up for a new relationship. Thanks to my very close friend Marcin, I found new passion in working out. I started to love my life again and I was ready to love again. I was getting back my self-confidence. For many of you it takes even longer and I know it’s hard but you want to speed-up the healing process. There in so much about your life that’s worth loving and living for. You can always start from loving the smallest things like encounters with your friends, family, your job or at least certain parts of it. Going out, being active, growing or progressing in something and working on yourself. Allow yourself to love your life again.

 

Dominant frame

Let’s turn your dominant frame to how magnificent and remarkable you really are. Let’s turn focus and frame from your past to your future. All our psychological journeys to the past only benefits us if they bring us back to this moment and allow us to make better decisions and choices. Greatness, aliveness and love are in you, why not focus on them?  

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LIMITING BELIEFS