LIFE AFTER HOLIDAY…

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OVERCOMING FEAR OF FAILURE. PART 1

People rarely succeed unless they have fun in what they are doing - Dale Carnegie

Is there even a life after it?

Most of us find it extremely hard to get back to our duties after being on holiday. In best cases scenario, we are only distracted and a lot slower for couple of days. Unfortunately, way to often it goes far beyond that. Many of us feel disappointed, frustrated, deceived, sometimes even scared or depressed. Sound heavy but it’s not a joke.

 

Fear of the unknown

We know it’s coming. We know we have to get back to work. We’ve done it many times. We know we’ll have to go through it again and we set our self that it’s going to be hard. Everybody around us says that it’s rough and nasty. And we fall for that. It takes us at least a week to get back to life and we seem to be everywhere but here and now.

 

Reminders of reality

We are constantly asked How fun it was? What did you do? Where have you been? We are constantly reminded we are back to worse reality. That our time there was a dream. This is what’s real and it sucks! But why does it suck? Do we really think so or is it someone else’s idea?

 

Why does it suck?

For me it’s a matter of mindset and our own decisions. If you will be only thinking that something great is over and now you have to go back to your grey, boring and unfulfilling job, don’t be surprised that you’re going to feel the same way. Let me just tell you that those are not your thoughts. This is a mindset that is everywhere around you and you just didn’t figure it could be any different. It can. What’s even more important you can do it too.

 

Reverse engineer

Reverse engineer your unconscious way thinking. Don’t think about all the things you hate about going back to work. Don’t think about waking up early. Don’t think about the backlog and overload of work you’re going to have. Don’t think about co-workers you can’t stand. Don’t think about those boring assignments. The list goes on and on.

 

How much do you love it?

Start thinking about all those things you love and like about your job. All the chances you have to work on yourself, your skills, your character, your resume and experience. Think that this job gave you money to go on those wonderful holidays. Now you can start saving for the next trip. Isn’t this exciting? It surely is for me. Think about all the colleagues you love to joke around or learn from. Remind yourself how much they are giving you and how much you’re giving in return. How great does it feel to get back home after a tough day at work? How much do you love to sleep at your own bad? This could be even a longer list if you choose to. Being on holiday for half of your life won’t get you any closer to your dreams. Not a bit. So, think about your purpose, your plan, your dream, your vision. In order to get there, you need to get back to work. There is no other way.

 

Find a way

Just to get one thing straight I’m trying to convince you to paint the grass green. If you hate your job and if it suffocates you, change it. Some of you are going to say easier said than done Mr. smarty pants. But you know what’s even harder for most of us? It’s making a decision that you’re going to find a better job. Not wishing. Not looking for a job. Not going sending applications and going for interviews. The crucial part is making the decision that you are already out and now you are going to find a better job. From now on it’s a matter of time. If it’s not possible today don’t cry about it. Work on yourself harder than you work on your job. Build your resume. Acquired news skills and sharpen those that you already have. Pay attention, learn, get inspired, model the masters in your field. Decide to find a way.  

 

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30 DAYS ON MENTAL DIET ISLAND

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30 DAYS ON MENTAL DIET ISLAND

If you want to take the island, then burn your boats. With absolute commitment come the insights that create real victory – Tony Robbins

Equipment

As some of you know on the 5th of September I have started 30 day’s Mental Diet. 30 days on Mental Diet Island. It wasn’t a desert island and that was making it harder to stay there. Before I got there I had to throw some things into the ocean. I was not allowed to take things like gossip, judging, cursing, negativity, complaining or excuses with me. What I could take was smile, positive thinking, energy and 90 seconds grenade.

 

Documenting

It wasn’t anything new for me but for the first time I was documenting it on Snapchat and Instagram Stories. From 1 to 5 short movies a day and some additional pictures. Since I didn’t have much experience in recording myself while speaking this was a pretty big challenge for me, as you could see. Just like most of you I really don’t like to hear myself speak. While in my mind I had some much energy in my voice, on camera it sounded like I was falling asleep. While I was trying to speak calm, informative and with a scripted timbre and ton it sounded nothing like I wanted. Very quickly I came the conclusion that I’m not an actor and it’s a lot better just to be myself.

 

Walk the walk

Those moments when I was documenting all this on Snapchat and Instagram gave me this extra boost of energy. They allowed me to stay in line and on point with my plan for Mental Diet. When I was recording each video I had to take a step back and look on current experiences from a much further perspective. Since I was talking about being positive, smiling and not judging, gossiping complaining and not having excuses it was all over my mind. I had to eat my own dog food and there was no chance to fail in front all of you. If I was going to talk the talk, I had to walk the walk.

 

Up to a good start

Doing my morning routines gave me an incredible level of inner peace, patience and kept me looking towards on my goals and my vision.

Just to give you a quick recap of my morning routine:

  1. 3 min smile in front of the mirror smile (usually a fake smileJ) while thinking about 3 things I am grateful.
  2. 20 push-ups to wake up my body and get the blood flowing.
  3. 3 Visualization. Starting from my biggest task for today, then going further to my dreams and real vision.

I missed my morning routine only three times during those 30 days and every time it felt really hard. It made me feel impatient, rushed or anxious and that was something I really wanted to avoid. Executing with my morning routine did a great job in this department.

 

No excuses

Some days where better, others where a lot harder just like our life. But this was not an excuse for me. There was no place for a cheat day. No. I was all in. Feeling sick or tired? Not an excuse. Listening to screams of my baby girl for over 30 minutes? Not an excuse. Falling on my own plans? Not an excuse. It’s truly remarkable feeling to throw away all the excuses you had stashed in your closet. Once I got rid of them I had to and I start acting. Now it’s a total waste of time and energy for me to look for any excuses.

 

Divorce

Besides excuses I also had to divorced gossip, judging, negativity and complaining. Of course it’s not a fairy tale and it was not all perfect. But besides a few accidents it was a remarkable experience. If I could urge you to one thing this would be it. Stop complaining and judging people around you. Not judging others will allow you to develop a lot more empathy and that’s the first step to understanding them better. Complaining is the poison that we spread around our body. It’s eating us alive. It doesn’t serve anyone any good.  So why feed it?

 

Safety Valve

90 second rule was just a safety valve. I used it not more 5, maybe 7 times but it helped much more than that. It was always in my hindsight. It was always within my reach in case I would need it. That gave me incredible safety cushion and certainty that I can deal with everything.

 

Bright side

Looking on the brighter side of life was not as easy as it sounds in songs. Why?  Because we are wired differently. It’s a different life when life’s a gift every moment or when it’s not and you ‘re able to find the gift. This brain we all have is 2 million years old and it’s not design to make me or you happy. It’s design to make us survive. To survive we have to look for what could go wrong so the mind is always looking for what’s wrong. What’s wrong is always available. There is always something to feel upset about.  But so is what’s right. You really can rewire your nervous system so that you live in a place where gratitude, joy, the sense of grace and all those things that make us fully alive are in your life on a daily basis. If they’re not, you know what to do to bring them back. As oppose to hoping things go well, being pissed off when they don’t or feeling overwhelmed or stressed.  

 

Perspective

How do I didn’t get frustrated or angry? I took a step back and told myself: It’s not live and death. That’s just work. That’s just this or that. Don’t make it too important. Perspective is everything. Marcus Aurelius considered life as a hidden blessing. Mental Diet reassured me in believing that Marcus Aurelius was right. Now I’m totally convinced that life is a hidden blessing.

 

Beauty of life

No one teaches us to feel the beauty of life. We are not thought of being associated day in and day out even when it’s not going our way, even if we lose that deal, even if we don’t make that sale, even if our project gets crushed.  If you can find joy, pleasure and appreciation it those moments now you’ll have magnificent life and nothing is going to stop you. You will achieve more too because you have more energy and you are not sucked in with all those inner conflicts that pull the energy out of you. Then you have the energy for your wife, your husband, your kids, your business at the same level.

How do I have so much energy? Because I am not divided within myself. I’m aligned. I know what I’m after, who I am, I know what I want to create and I’m enjoying every moment of it.  Smile, enjoy it and don’t expect anything in return. 

 

Prove them wrong

There are always people telling you that you will not be able to do it. Forget it. It’s a stupid dream you have. Crazy vision. Don’t listen to the naysayers. Know where you are going.

If you think that you’re going to go, accomplish something really special, be the best at anything in the world and you think you can do it without working, you are making huge mistake. It’s going take a lots, lots of work. You will have to sacrifice a lot of things but there is nothing more valuable than being happy.

 

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HAPPINESS

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HAPPINESS

There is no excuse to feel unhappy, upset or angry – !NOW!

Your choice

Our culture celebrates victimhood like never before. We celebrate people who are drama queens because it’s fun to watch on TV. People do it to get attention and to feel significant. But you don’t have to be that way. Be different. Chose happiness instead.

Make it your goal to meet the demands of the time, the demands of the moment with a smile on your face. Master your own mind, master your own attitude. You are the commander of your own attitude. You get to choose the energy that you feel and bring into a certain moment. You don’t have happiness, you don’t have joy, you choose to generate happiness, you chose to generate joy. The more energy you generate to serve or deal with the difficulties, the more you will respect yourself. The more you say I can handle this or I’ve got this, the less you will feel overwhelmed.

 

Progress

What really is happiness? My definition is extremely short. Happiness is progress. That’s it. If you’re constantly improving, getting better, getting closer you’re going to love it. You’re going to feel alive. On the other hand, you can be extremely successful but if you will stop growing you will start dying inside.

How do you feel when you get to your goal? Excited and fulfilled? Maybe for a month, a week or few days. What happens after that? You get used to your prize and it becomes just your everyday reality. If you don’t get better, if you don’t grow further, create another goal and progress towards your vision, you will not stay it the state of happiness.

 

It’s the climb not the peak

And there are really two kinds of people. You are either stressfully running after the instant prize or you joyfully climb yourself up. Step by step to your magnificent vision. Happiness isn’t in the peak. Happiness is the experience of climbing towards the peak. You set up that powerful vision, that great goal which is the peak, and then you go on a Journey that leads you there while you stay present to the moment on the journey.

 

More is not your answer

If you will turn your expectations for appreciation, the whole new world will appear instantly. If you cannot find happiness in this moment, in a conversation with a friend, looking in your wife’s eyes, being with your children, going for a run, if you cannot find it now, more money, more people, more love, more business, more anything is not give you that. It’s not going to give you more happiness. If you cannot do it here and now you are not going to do it there when you got more. So why don’t you do it now and have a rich life right now? You can decide to be happy now. Make your three decision(link) consciously. Happiness is a decision and choice. You really can have it now. Why don’t you do it now?

 

Step back

Your happiness starts right now. I left my job making good money, having two little kids, mortgage because I needed my mental health to be happy. I was willing to take a step back and I believe that in a 7-year period I won.

When people are 60 or 90 they don’t care about it. We would be surprised how little it matters.   

Unbelievable happiness comes from self-belief and recognizing how this’ll play out.

Please take a step back and realize how awesome life actually is.

 

Make yourself happy first

There are some many people not doing what they love because they are worried about what other people think. When you’re playing a different game then everybody else peer pressure doesn’t even have a shot at you. Love yourself first and feel good with yourself first.

Start building those skills and don’t listen to your parents, your teachers, your friends. Respect it but don’t let anybody impose their way on you. It’s you. You’re with yourself for ever and make yourself happy first.

 

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happiness

MENTAL DIET

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mental diet
MENTAL DIET

Attitude is that little thing that makes a big difference – Winston Churchill

I know that just hearing the world ‘diet’ puts most people in the state of disbelief or laughter. Isn’t that right? Either you or someone close to you have tried some kind of diet and it probably didn’t work. We live in the time when almost every day we hear about newly discovered diet. Eat only this or don’t eat that. Paleo, Ducan, New Atkon, Low carb, Keto, Raw and on and on. I don’t know how about you but I just make it fly by me.

The thing you are about to read and learn is something you haven’t heard before. Mental Diet.

 

Emotional conditioning

We need to start from concentrating on your good emotions. When do you usually feel good? Is there something that needs to happen for you to feel good? General majority of us feel good when something good happens. We wait for that moment. What about the space in between those moments? How do you feel than? Most of the time we are on emotional stand by. We hope for the best but we wait and rely on outside events. We give away control over our emotions very easily. Quite often we go up and down, over and over again.

 

No reason

Could we grasp those positive emotions for a longer time? Not only we can do it, we have to do it. We can’t let our environment to control us. Of course we are not able to control outside events but we can fully control our emotions. You don’t need an excuse to feel good. You can feel great for no good reason. Just like that. Most people would think that sounds really naive.

 

Why do we need Mental Diet?

You may think is naive to say that you don’t need a reason to feel great but it’s not. The situation is totally the other way around. Actually most people don’t need reason to feel bad. When you ask them How it’s going? They say I don’t feel good or I feel terrible. You ask again How come? And you hear I just woke up or It’s Monday or I have to go to work tomorrow. Sound familiar? The sad thing is we accept and even understand that kind of behaviors.  

 

Weirdo

If you ask someone else the same question How it’s going? and in reply you hear I feel great! How come? I don’t know, I just do! You think this guy needs to go psychiatrist. There’s got to be something seriously wrong with him or he’s just crazy. That’s the cultural conditioning we live in. We accept and understand people who feel sorry for themselves. On the other hand, we despise people who are positive no matter what.

 

Like a book

When you know what to look for it is quite easy to see how others are conditioned. Their body language, their facial expressions and verbal communication show their state.

Your mental state produces your emotions. Most of us know someone who looks angry all the time and who’s emotions go along with that state. Tomorrow at work play a game of watching body language of your colleges or clients. It’s fairly easy to fool your words but you have to be very conscious and skilled to fool your body. 

 

Happiness leaves clues

What about people who always smile? Happy-go-lucky ones, those irrational happy dreamers? They live in that state and their life is filled with fun and joy. When you are angry you will do things that will make you angrier. When you are sad you will do things that makes you even more sad. When you are conditioned to be happy you look for clues to feed your positive emotions. Happiness becomes your habit.

 

Mental Diet

The way to develop a habit is to go on a Mental Diet. Do not allow yourself to hold a negative feeling, a negative though for seven straight days. Day and night. Even when it gets tough. Even when somebody disappoints you. Even when you get frustrated. Even when you give your all and it ends up lousy.

 

Three decisions

Before going on a Mental Diet you have to understand how you are wired. If you haven’t read Three Decisions you make please do and you raise your awareness.  In brief words we are aware that we can’t control all events and things happening around us. But what we can control is what that things mean to us. What emotions we feel towards them. This is another thing I learned from listing to Tony Robbins. This guy is huge. He such a humble and inspiring human being. Listen to him, learn from him. Do it again and again. I promise you will catch what I meant here. My friend Ania told me about Tony. Listing to him inspired and changed my life like nothing else. If it wasn’t for him I would still be living in frustration, stress and hopelessness. He was my external detonator and I wish you to find one too.

 

What is Mental Diet?

In the simplest words it is an emotional discipline. You don’t allow yourself to say or think negative things.  Every time new negative emotion come up I immediately remind myself that I’m on a diet and I don’t consume those things anymore. They are not good for me. I have conditioned myself to focus on my commitment to be on a diet. Sometimes I even say it out loud. That is wonderful feeling. Of course it is not all perfect but I’m getting there. Step by step.

 

5 sins

There are 5 habits you are not allowed to take on your Mental Diet. Habits we can all fall into.

1. Gossip

Speaking ill of somebody who is not present. Instead focus on positive facts.

2. Judging 

It is very hard to bond and interact with somebody if you know you are being judged. Have your own opinion, don’t take everything for granted and don’t agree with everything but tolerant, respectful and don’t judge.  

3. Negativity 

Negativity is a poison to your mind. We all know people who tend to squeeze negativity out of everything. It’s hard to listen to them. If you surround yourself with negative people you will become one very quickly. Make positive attitude your habit and you’ll see what a great difference it will bring to your life.

4. Complaining

We are masters of complaining about work, weather, economy, politics and any other topic. Complaining is viral misery. Once and for all stop complaining, accept reality and look for opportunities.

5. Excuses

Some people throw blame wherever they can. They pass it on to everybody else and don’t take responsibility for their actions. Take responsibility as quickly as possible and slay the blame dragon while his little.

 

Monitor note

One of the things that I have used during my Mental diet to help me last with my plan was a little, simple note on my monitor at work, that said Mental Diet. Every time something or someone got close to making my anxious I was looking on this note and it reminding myself of my commitment. Commitment of creating that habit. With every next day I was using it less and less. It was on my monitor a long after that and I used it at least three times a day. If I am already angry or frustrated I allow myself to stay in that state for 90 seconds. 90 seconds and I am done. It works perfectly. Simple and effective anchors to trigger habits.  

 

No excuse

The main cause of any unhappiness is never the situations itself but it’s always our thoughts about it. That idea comes from Eckhart Tolle ‘New Earth’. There is literally no excuse to feel unhappy, upset, angry and so on. You can have full control over your response.  

 

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THREE DECISIONS YOU MAKE

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THREE DECISIONS YOU MAKE
THREE DECISIONS YOU MAKE

It is in your moments of decision that your destiny is shaped – Tony Robbins

So many of us are so focused on making the right decision that we end up not making any at all. That state of decision-making impotency turns out to be your decision. As Tony Robbins says Not making decision is still a decision. The tough decisions are the ones that you really need to make. They are the ones that can change the direction of your actions. Those decisions are your superpower. Besides those humongous decisions, hundred times a day you are making three tiny decisions that make you who you are. Believe it. The proof is in the pudding.

Three Questions

Every single moment of our life we are subconsciously making three decisions that shape our emotions, our attitude and our actions. We instantly go thru this process by asking three questions:

1. What do I focus on?

Do I focus on the down side or the upside? Do I worry or do I look for chances, lessons and growth? Whatever you are going to focus on you are going to experience. Almost always there is a positive side to every challenging situation you are going through. Some people focus on their own needs, others focus on other people needs.

Your focus is going to change the quality of your life completely. If you focus on what you cannot control that is going to raise your anger and frustration. You can either focus on why it didn’t work out or on the lesson you learned. Even if you focus on something that is made up and unreal, you are still going to feel it. If you are going to focus on what you’ve lost, you’re not going to feel what’ve earned or learned.  What you focus on equals what you feel.  

2. What does it mean?

What does it mean for me that I didn’t get that job, that I lost that game, that I got divorced? You literally label the meaning to everything that is happening to you. You can be frustrated and upset about the smallest things.

Few months ago I have broken a touch screen in my phone. Accidently I have dropped my phone on the sidewalk and the touch screen crushed into pieces. Somehow it looked more like a throw than a drop and that might be the reason for that outcome.

Due to my next article Mental Diet (coming soon) practices I allowed myself to be pissed off for 90 seconds. Thanks to that it didn’t affect me at all. That was a perfect test for me because just a year earlier this kind of thing would have made me extremely furious and disappointed. Back then it would take me hours or days to get over it. I was stressed and awfully impulsive but after listening twice to Tony Robbins’s Awaken the Giant Within I have decided to change many things in my life, not the least of which was my emotional state and my mindset. As it turns out it took me a year of hard work, practice and many, many failures to get to where I was. It’s still far from being perfect, but I’m very pleased with that level of progress. As most of things in life it is an ongoing process of practice, failures and learning.

3. How do I respond?

When you will come up with a meaning you will have a certain feeling about that and that will put you into the emotional state. From that state of emotions, you will decide what to do, how to act. There is an enormous difference about making the decision from the state of happiness, faith and confidence or the state of frustration, fear and insecurity. Be aware what is your state when you make any decision or interaction.

Different stories

Your eyes are only viewers but your brain is a recorder and projector that is running a second story over every picture. We all have very different filters and focal points in the same story. That is why so often we catch ourselves and our friends on telling the same story it two totally different ways. Focusing on different events, different people, giving it fact totally different meaning.

Be aware

Be aware how you write your stories. Be aware what meaning you give to events in your life. Be aware of your decisions. Don’t ever give fear the power to write your script. Make a conscious choice to perceive challenges as something beneficial so you can deal with them in the most productive way.

Three decision you make

After this instant process you will either give up or move forward. Are you going to blame somebody or are you going to change something? Those three decision you make will determine the true quality of your life.    Whatever you do is going to shape your destiny.

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